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39, separated and trying to follow my heart

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Kat
 
Joined in 2014
November 3, 2014, 10:17

Thank you so much Miss Muppet, I appreciate that so much. It's so nice to have people to talk to. It is hard carrying all these thoughts on my own. Having people to share things with and having people who care means so much.

I haven't been going to church for a few months now and I really miss it. I miss having a community around me. My children weren't as keen to attend as it is a very small group so I found it hard going regularly as they weren't happy. I felt bad making them go and then I felt bad missing it so I dont know what to do!

Kat
 
Joined in 2014
November 12, 2014, 12:14

Hi everyone,

I hope people are traveling well and for those having hard days I hope you are finding some comfort and strength to keep going.

A lot has happened over the last couple of weeks and the shape of my story changes daily!

Some really big things have happened and it has been a bit of a roller coaster but I am liking the light I can see at the end!

My husband has found another place to live and will be moving out in a couple of weeks. It is at the moment amicable and I think a very positive thing for both of us moving forward but as he suffers from mood swings, this can change at any moment. I feel like I am going to be able to breathe again and start afresh and hopefully look toward some happy times ahead.

For the first time ever today he acknowledged the emotional abuse I suffered due to his alcoholism and just hearing him say that lifted a thousand weights off my shoulders and validated my feelings, finally. I don't know if this is the right place to be sharing this but I really just needed to tell somebody because this is monumental for me.


The other big news is that I have come out to my sister and two of my closest friends. I feel like now maybe I can start being me and being positive about new possibilities I haven't told my parents yet so that is still to come.

I really want to go back to Church and maybe start that journey over too with an open heart and more trust in God's plans for me.


Thank you for listening 🙂

Kat

outnproud
 
Joined in 2011
November 14, 2014, 18:13

What an amazing story Kat! It may seem like a lonely journey but as you gradually accept who you are and begin to share this reality with others, you will discover a great community out there which will embrace and support you. You have already experienced acceptance from family, friends and church which is fantastic. It is hard working out what is best for you, your husband and your children at this time. But being able to be yourself will set you free to be more loving of yourself and others. Trust that God is guiding you each step of the way. If you are able to get to a freedom2b chapter meeting (Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane or Perth) you will discover others travelling the same journey as you.


Strength and peace be with you,


Bev

Kat
 
Joined in 2014
November 14, 2014, 22:04

Thank you so much Bev for your kind words and encouragement.

To feel part of a community and to be embraced and supported is just what I long for.

The more I talk to my friends and family, the more confident I am feeling and it's so great to be able to start feeling positive about my future and yes I love that God might be guiding me in this.

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
November 16, 2014, 22:32

Hi Kat

Welcome from me to f2b! 🙂

I am glad to hear that your husband has found another place and you are finding the space to work our what you need and act on that.

Congratulations for coming out to your sister and couple of friends! That's amazing! 🙂

As you continue listening to yourself and doing what's truly good for you, the world will keep opening up to you. Living according to what's good for us usually works out to be good for others too.

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Kat
 
Joined in 2014
November 22, 2014, 21:53

Thank you so much Ann Maree. I am feeling so much more confident as the time goes on. I am now, for the first time feeling comfortable thinking of myself as a gay woman and it feels really liberating! It's surprising actually how natural it feels and I keep wondering to myself how it ever took me so long to realise… quite a few things now make sense to me!

I would really like to attend one of the Sydney meetings at some point and to meet some of the Sydney folk. I am a bit nervous going on my own and not so keen on going to the city by myself but maybe in the new year I will work out something.


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