firstly welcome to a great internet gathering of like minded/experienced individuals.
I could say alot of what my story/journey was (a man in ministry, a dad, – sole parent who was in ministry with his kids)
but all I will say now
in regards to your kids …
it is great if you can have an amicable relationship with your wife
that was something I unfortunately did not have.
If this helps in dealing with the kids and you can agree on how and when to tell them and the stance you will both take, well that is awesome.
But if it turns out that can not be the case – the bottom line is your relationship with your kids – you and only you know your kids the best – when and how to tell them is your call and no one else’s. Every situation is different.
As to how they react is also very individual.
When I told my kids, they had major faith concerns, because of what they had been taught at the christian school they attended at the time.
I dealt with the kids in the arena of my homosexuality like dealing with the kids with the ‘birds and the bees”. I only talked to them as they asked, and I only answered the exact question they asked. I did not expand on that question because they would not have been able to digest it anyway. On the one occassion I tried to expand on the subject it just went straight over their heads.
I went through the bible, the things I learnt/discovered as I studied as I researched it all for myself (some great resources on this site) and my own reconciliation and Holy Spirit times that really concreted the revelation that God was totally cool with me being gay. Thankfully for me, my kids held me in very high esteem when it came to the bible and God, far above the pastors at church or teachers/chaplain at the school. They saw and heard my heart.
Sure they all had “issues” with the idea of me being with a man, but in time, with alot of love and patience they all came around to be absolutely awesome now, but let me say there were rocky times. But … if you have had a great relationship with your kids, that will shine through any dark times. I promise you that. You will reap what you have sown in good parenting. Whenever and however you tell your kids, they will come back to you in love and more than likely faster and more surprisingly than you may think.
If you are true to yourself and subsequently true to your kids and your exwife than the fruit of that will be awesome blessings of great times with your family.
All the best and my thoughts and prayers are with you.