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45YO Intersex 'female' - Uniting Church

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Andrea H
 
Joined in 2010
May 9, 2010, 00:48

I have relived my life countless times for the benefit of others, but not quite in the way I am here tonight so please bear with me while I find my feet (and my words).


I was born with a genetic condition called Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (AIS), which means I was born looking like a girl, but with XY Chromosomes. Doctors will tell you that people like me are rare but there are more of us than you think, about one in 20,000 born with AIS, around 1 in 1000 to 1 in 1500 born with Intersex conditions in general. What are Intersex conditions? Well, the medical definition is “An infant born with external or internal reproductive organs or sex chromosomes that are not exclusively male or female”, we used to be called hermaphrodites but this is actually medically true of only a tiny percentage of us. What we do is defy the understanding that God created two sexes, we are biologically both and proud to be so.


I spent much of my life as a child in and out of hospitals being prodded and poked and generally being an object of fascination for the medical profession. I used FOI to get my medical records later in life when I wanted more answers than I could get otherwise, the large folder of records that arrived made for interesting reading in a clinical sense, but it didn’t really give me what I was looking for from a personal sense, it didn’t really tell me who I am. I suppose I was silly to think my medical records would do this, but I was still learning to be me.


I cannot completely dislike doctors though, through them I found a support group and others like me, a support group I have helped run for the last 10 years. It was through the support group that I first learned about the impact children like me had on our parents, you are very much blind to this when it is your own parents. I talked to them about the decisions they had to make about their children, usually decisions they were being asked to make about surgery on very young children, and I began to understand that you suffer differently when you deal first-hand with issues your parents have to deal with on your behalf. It is hard for parents, as it is for us sometimes. It was through this group that I really started to find out who I am and that there were others like me searching for answers.


I had the usual surgeries that kids like me have as we grow up, but generally my life was OK. We are a very old Adelaide family and I grew up in the Adelaide Hills, where everything seemed to be fun as long as there were plenty of trees to climb and tadpoles and frogs to catch. My younger brother and I were always up to something, my younger sister was (and still is!) the princess of the family, but she is still very cool. Girls were fun too. I met my first girlfriend at the Christian college I went to and we were together for many, many years. I have since had another long-term girlfriend and another partner who is Intersex, but identifies as male. I suppose at this stage that means I am attracted to girls more than boys on the balance of the partners I have had.


I went on to become a research engineer, did post grad science, and theology because God is very much part of my life too. People often ask me how someone with my science background can still believe in God and decide to study theology. It isn’t a difficult question to answer. It is actually the lack of answers from my science background that show me there is far more to us than what we see in another human being face to face, or when we try to dismantle ourselves through medical or social sciences. There is still something we can’t quite capture, something just beyond our grasp, something I can find answers for through God, my belief and faith, and fellowship. My best friend calls me a ‘faith mongrel’, it is something I am very proud to be. I grew up a Baptist, went to a Lutheran College and am now a member of the Uniting Church for reasons I will discuss in a while. I am proud to be a ‘faith mongrel’, I can truly claim just to love God and not be tied to any one doctrinal approach to my worship.


I don’t actually know if I can call myself ‘Gay’. In fact I wonder if any of us should be trying to fit ourselves in neat little boxes just because of who we are attracted to anyway. I am biologically both male and female so regardless of the sex of my partner I am always going to be in both a same-sex and heterosexual relationship at the same time. Maybe that makes me biologically “Bi”, who knows? I just know that God made me this way and I am proud to be who I am. I do both girl and boy though. I am an unbelievably tomboyish girl despite being six foot tall, very fair with blonde hair (never cut short) and blue-green eyes, and liking to look very girly when I do dress-ups. I do nearly all of the work on my collection of cars, love to play with trains, but collect artwork and play piano when the mood takes me. I can happily watch a good thriller or action movie, but also cry at a good romance or drama. I don’t do the ‘blue room/pink room’ thing.


I have also used my biology to shoot down many an argument the right wing fundamentalist or biblical literalists have tried to bring to bear. It doesn’t hurt to have studied theology too of course. Sunday-school level understandings of scripture are fine up to a point, but when the aforementioned groups want to have an argument with me about the “sin” of same-sex relationships, they had better have far more than Sunday-school understandings of scripture as just my own biological make-up is enough to send them home in tears to rethink their approach. They can either argue that God didn’t make me as I am (a bit difficult since any good theologian will tell you God is neither male nor female, or is both), or they have to argue that God created me never to be in a relationship because it is impossible for me to truly biologically meet the ‘boy meets girl’ line they would have us believe is correct (“Surely we don’t worship a God that would be that cruel?”).


The only problem with going at issues in this way, is that it sometimes does not win friends. Part of the reason for me being a ‘faith mongrel’, is that after a ‘doctrinal disagreement’ with the Baptist church some years ago I realised I had worn out my welcome and I turned from the church to save my belief and faith. About a year ago my best friend, who is a very active member of her Uniting Church, told me there were same-sex couples in her congregation and they were welcomed by her church. Curious, I sought out my local Uniting Church minister and met with the minister from my best friend’s church and had lengthy discussions with both. It became clear that whilst there was still some way to go, the Uniting Church was doing a lot to encourage same-sex attracted people back into the church. I decided this was the church for me. I have since become a member of my local Uniting Church and my views, whilst still generating some discussion and debate, are actually open for discussion and debate and acceptance as valid, rather than ignorantly dismissed as they had once been.


I don’t actually know where all this leaves me as a person. I do know that it is important to my faith for me to keep fighting for the right of same-sex attracted people to have a welcoming home in the church. Relationships are supposed to be about the things that Christ told us are important in a relationship, love, commitment, respect, support and understanding. Relationships are about being covenant relationships, regardless of the sex of the person you share you life with. Relationships should also be able to be celebrated before God, with others who share our faith. Anything less than that for me is not acceptable, not for me, not for the wonderful Christian friends I have that are same-sex attracted and not for the wider GLBT(I) community either. We all of us add to the wonderful variety that God created, regardless of how you believe that creation occurred.


I was going to leave this post until next weekend as I will be in Canberra for the week. I live in Melbourne but spend a lot of my time in Canberra. If you do reply to my message and don’t hear back from me until next weekend, it isn’t because I am not interested in your replies, just that I am away from home.


I must sign off now as I am taking part of our service tomorrow before heading to Canberra tomorrow afternoon, and I need my sleep!


To those of you that welcome it, God bless and protect you over the coming week.


To those of you who would rather have my best wishes in other ways, you have just that.


Andrea



iplantolive
 
Joined in 2008
May 9, 2010, 11:15

Hi Andrea,


Welcome to freedom2b[e] and thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m glad that you have found a faith that is open to positive dialogue about intersex issues and the broader LGBT inclusive discussion.


Keep us updated on your journey!



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
May 10, 2010, 00:47

Hi Andrea


You are very welcome here! I’m really glad you’ve posted, and so articulately too. 🙂


You certainly show just how futile and limited labels can be. Thank you for sharing some of the complexity and mystery of AIS…. It’s good for us to be reminded and educated that things are often not cut or dried..and that they do not need to be. I also think that complexity extends to other areas, like sexuality and the broader experience of what it is to be human. We have so much to learn and there are many uncertainties and unknowns … and I’m OK with that.


I smiled at the bit about you challenging those with right wing fundamental/literal beliefs. I can only imagine you giving them a run for their money and being quite the rebel. 😉 They’re lucky to have you at your church.


At the risk of using this out of context, I’m thinking of the scripture when Paul says about there being neither male or female. I’m not a theologian so hopefully you can forgive me this reference… That speaks to me of the need to look deeper than gender or whatever norms we think are in society and to attend to things of the spirit and what it is to be fully human. These areas are free to everyone and Jesus was radical in demonstrating the extent of God’s inclusiveness. All people were worthy in his eyes, including women, who I recently learned were regarded by the biblical patriarchy as non spiritual beings! Amazing!


Anyway, have a good week in Canberra and hope to hear from you on your return.


Blessings,


Ann Maree



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
May 10, 2010, 21:08

Hey Andrea…….I’m so glad you posted your story…….and thanks for educating us a little more telling us about your physical, orientation and spiritual journey. It was fantastic. I often have a whinge about the acronym LGBTIQ as it is so cumbersome…but I guess one benefit is that it does create awareness of each group. I’m sure the majority of people dont even know an intersex group exists in the human race. this was graphically seen when the world learnt about the South African athlete Caster Semenya ( http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2009/09/12/1252519681854.html ). The way some sections of the media handled that was nothing short of abusive.


I hope you enjoy being with us here……we are glad to have you.



gettingthere
 
Joined in 2008
May 11, 2010, 22:26

Hello Andrea. 🙂 I just wanted to say that I am very grateful that you are here. I know that I often ignorant of what life is like for those who fall outside of the male-female gender binary… I would love to learn more about it. So you have a lot to offer us. 🙂 Thanks for being here Andrea and please keep sharing with us.



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
May 13, 2010, 01:47

Hello Andrea. 🙂 I just wanted to say that I am very grateful that you are here. I know that I often ignorant of what life is like for those who fall outside of the male-female gender binary… I would love to learn more about it. So you have a lot to offer us. 🙂 Thanks for being here Andrea and please keep sharing with us.


Trust you gettingthere to know of the term male-female gender binary…….you never cease to amaze me.


Most people I mix with have never heard the term.


Love your work……:-)



poidah
 
Joined in 2010
May 15, 2010, 20:36

Hi Anthea,


Thank you for your story.


I really struggle to understand and show compassion for the journey intersex people go through. It is great to hear about it. I have had a couple of friends that are intersex but it is so hard for me to ask about it and learn from them without making them into medical fascinations.


Peter



Andrea H
 
Joined in 2010
May 16, 2010, 00:27

Hi Ann Maree,


Thanks to you and everyone else for the welcome and your kind comments.


The passage from scripture I imagine you are referring to is: So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptised into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus (Galatians 3:27-28).


Far from being out of context, I think in the context of what Freedom2b and those of us who are working to achieve a more inclusive church it represents all we are about. It is my best friend’s favourite passage from scripture, and is certainly one of mine too.


You don’t have to be a theologian to appreciate the message of scripture. It is supposed to be about how we feel and how we relate it to our own experiences and our own belief and faith. The Bible is a living document, not something to be interpreted coldly in an academic literal setting. It is lovely to hear this passage quoted by someone else and that it is a passage others like as well.


Kindest thoughts and God bless,


Andrea



Andrea H
 
Joined in 2010
May 16, 2010, 01:05

Hello Andrea. 🙂 I just wanted to say that I am very grateful that you are here. I know that I often ignorant of what life is like for those who fall outside of the male-female gender binary… I would love to learn more about it. So you have a lot to offer us. 🙂 Thanks for being here Andrea and please keep sharing with us.


Hi gettingthere,


Theoretically gender is a social construct, we are about sex and biology when people try to put us into neat little boxes. To quote a researcher I know well “Nature loves diversity, unfortunately society hates it”. No truer words can be spoken for the sorts of discussions we are having here. Christ did not make distinctions between people, and welcomed everyone to him. It is a shame we cannot learn from Christ and nature and do the same without the need to make ourselves feel safer by putting everyone in those neat little boxes.


Kindest thoughts and God bless,


Andrea



Andrea H
 
Joined in 2010
May 16, 2010, 01:06

Hi Anthea,


Thank you for your story.


I really struggle to understand and show compassion for the journey intersex people go through. It is great to hear about it. I have had a couple of friends that are intersex but it is so hard for me to ask about it and learn from them without making them into medical fascinations.


Peter


Hi Peter,


In some ways it is even very difficult for those of us with Intersex conditions to relate to ourselves without over-medicalisation of who we are, let alone for others. We grow up as a source of fascination for the medical profession, are acutely aware of the fact we bridge the divide between male and female, and then become objects of obsession for the popular press or pornographic film-makers. It is sometimes difficult amongst this onslaught for us to find ourselves amongst the picture of us that others portray, almost believing the ‘bad press’ others give us.


We do manage though. Like the physical reality of my body, which isn’t really that different physically to the body of any other woman, the reality of our lives is more often than not very ordinary and certainly not worthy of the interest others would have us believe we are deserving of. I don’t know how much of being a tomboy or my attraction to women is part of being a female with XY chromosomes, perhaps none of it, and I often wonder how much of my life spent reflecting on this has been a pointless exercise in trying to make order out of coincidence.


Amongst those I know it is my belief and faith rather than other aspects of my life that generate the most interest. My biology can be brought to bear in theological arguments with great effect, but it is my faith and study of theology that allows me to make the most of this, not the other way around. My belief and faith is a part of me, not something that is ‘tacked on’ or added separately. God is part of the inner circle of friends and family that matter most in my life, being Intersex merely a part of my life that connects me to others with the same condition. I am more often alike the other Christians I know than the other Intersex people I know.


As I have said though, being who I am biologically gives me an unfair theological advantage when fighting the fights I feel I must. So I am not afraid to exploit who I am to help win the battles we need to win to give same-sex attracted people the chance to worship and have fellowship with others they should have along with anyone else.


Kindest thoughts and God bless,


Andrea


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