Thanks for your kind words Michelle and others, its wonderful to get some much support here. God bless you all 🙂

Damn it! I just replied and must have clicked on something & the whole thing disappeared grrr!!!

I cant remember what I said lol just that I agree with you Ann Marree or was it Motherhen or perhaps Sarab or what's his name lol Its all a bit of a blur at the moment. Oh well, I said something along the lines that I shall keep to the script and not write so many familiar posts & made some comment about how we all tend or can twist scripture to suit our own agendas or views, pro-gay, ex-gay, anti-gay whatever.

Geese, wish I didn't delete my last reply, its so annoying. I'm sure its here somewhere, if it does pop up and I have re-written or posted something similar, please forgive me. I will try not to do whatever I did, so this one doesn't disappear lol

Now I also said that in line with this thread, I shall post the "Updated and New version" of my "coming out letter" which I never did give to my parents (mum & step dad) forget about my real dad, I have no hope in hell of getting him to accept me as a homosexual, he has already made that clear in the past anyway …

So here is the "Updated and New version" & I have purposely removed some words and phrases for this post and replaced them with … 🙂

I think I will give it to her although, now I am wondering if it is even worth it and whether I really need to. Anyway …

Dear Mum,

I first wrote this letter in early January but have since re-written it four times. Writing this was the hardest thing I have ever done & each time I write it, I cry. I was scared of your rejection when I told you that I was a homosexual, but you told me that you always knew & that nothing will change, you still love me. You cannot imagine the relief it was to hear those words. You can’t imagine the tears that flowed once I put the phone down. Even today, you visited me to bring me some soup, I cried soon after you left, but for a whole different reason, because I could see a Godly Mothers love displayed in you. When you rang me on Saturday, I thought about … but you rang at just the right time! We talked & my mind was no longer …

You have always been there for me, you were there when I was a baby struggling to survive, you were there when I had my first seizure & you have always been so strong, despite all the hardships you have gone through with Dad. You have always put my needs ahead of yours, but still, I was really scared of what my confession will do to you, when I first wrote this letter. I have always been able to come to you with my troubles. You have always been there to comfort me. When I went through depression & when my medications made me do all those crazy things, you continued to love me, even though you didn’t understand. I have had many problems over the years, much of which can be attributed to my sexuality; for as long as I can remember I have hated myself for it, I feared it, & … to get rid of it. When I was 16, I tried … myself & again, when I was older & living with dad, I remember that day as if it was yesterday. I remember dad coming home to see my in tears on my bed & in pain. He was furious when I told him that I had … He called the ambulance & you know the rest. On both occasions, I thought that you & dad would never accept me if I told you the truth. I knew dad wouldn’t, he already told me that if I was a homosexual then I would be a disgrace to the family & I would no longer his son.

You have always known that I was gay or suspected I was, but still this isn’t easy for you & I am sorry that you have to go through this. I thought it would be best if I didn’t see you for a few days. But I “can’t get rid of you” I mean that in jokingly. For almost 40 years, I have prayed in anguish pleading with God to make me “normal” I have had Church Elders lay hands upon me for “deliverance” & each time I believed that I was “free" only to find that those same feelings were still there. I tried to hide them & kept praying; asking God to make me “normal” like Johnny, but nothing has changed. I saw a Psychiatrist as you know & he only gave me drugs & said I had a “personality disorder.” Dr Beran told me that sometimes, people who have temporal lobe epilepsy have problems with their sexuality so I blamed my epilepsy, but nothing changed. I went to see two Christian counsellors & Greg sent me to an “Ex-gay” program at Hillsong that only made me feel guiltier. When I started going to Campsie Community Church, the same problem followed me. I spoke to Pastor Robin a long time ago, he prayed for me & with me. He suggested I seek counselling & ask for God's guidance. I started going to a support group in Summer Hill to “heal my brokenness”. I was able to control my desires, but they were still there, they were just hidden. We have never really spoken about my sexuality again; Robin & I until yesterday, where he heard from my own mouth what I’m going through. We read some scriptures & we prayed. I was given advice, support & love. We will most likely continue meeting like this in the future, but for now it is all in God’s hands once again. I know that God wants me to be happy & the only way I can truly be happy is by accepting that I am gay, but I needed your acceptance & I am so happy that in some ways, I now have it. I use to believe that God hated me, but now I know that God loves me & He accepts me as I am, In time I hope we can sit down calmly & I would like to show you a DVD which explains exactly what the Bible says about homosexuality. The DVD has a number of Pastors, Rabbis & Jewish Scholars, all of whom explain homosexuality from a Biblical view. But that is for a later time, the first step is you coming to terms with what I have shared & hopefully in that process, you will reach the point of accepting & loving your gay son fully & also Nick as my father never will, Johnny already has.

Love in Christ,

Your Son, Bruno

Hi Mother Hen in hindsight, I agree with you suggestion to the wording of my letter, which I have just done 🙂 thanks for the advice.

Things are a bit better today, I feel comfortable with my letter, but I'm just not sure whether I should give it to mum or not. She believes that God is "doing a clean up" in me & everything will be just fine. I suspect that she believes that God is "healing" me, letting me experience this prolonged flu, not sure how that works. Anyway, one step at a time 🙂

There is something that was said in my meeting with my Pastor keeps haunting me. My Pastor stated how he believed that it is impossible for a Christian to be living a righteous life, while engaging in homosexuality or any sexual activity outside of marriage. If that is that case, then why shouldn't I simply join the priesthood?

Do you think it is possible to be righteous before God and live a righteous life while still being sexually active outside of marriage? Which leads to another question, seeing how gay marriage is not recognised or accepted by the Church, does this "blanket rule" of no sex outside marriage apply to homosexual, lesbian, bisexual or transgender people?

Talking about Marriage am I right to assume that everyone here supports same-sex marriage? Just curious.

Hi Brunski

I like what Shadow Boxer said here:

Don´t let anyone define you totally by they fact you are Gay. Yes – that's part of you – and its important. But we are not one-faceted beings. I don't know what other things you do and like but I'm sure your life isn't only about the fact you are Gay and nothing else. I work at least 40 hours a week – often a lot more. I socialise with my straight colleagues (and ex colleagues) . My Sister and her family. My God Daughter and her family. I love movies. Photography. Reading. Gardening. Walking my dog. I meet the neighbours (who are straight) down the pub for a drink or we have curry nights at each others places. I also socialise with some Gay friends as well – but in all things – a balance is good. What other things define you and make you a full person? There's more to all of us than the fact we are Gay – let them see that – (and it helps if you dont see your self as only GAY and nothing else) and in time – they will see you in perspective again.

Very true. I love art house movies, engaging in crafts, reading, good food and wine with friends, photography, dogs, personal development, seeing my family and playing with my nephews and so many other things. What do you enjoy?

Blessings,

Ann Maree

It was nice to read of some of the things you are interested in Brunski – the point shadow boxer makes and that Ann Maree has reiterated is such a good one – that you (we) are far more than our sexuality and that we need not be defined by this.

I have to say this is only something that I have just begun to feel more comfortable with. In my own experience over the last 5 or so months I have been so taken up with the issue of 1. coming to terms with my own sexuality 2. dealing with faith and church and sexuality 3. Thinking about friends and family and my sexuality…. Hmmm this issue of sexuality has taken up a LOT of head space.

Yet – as shadow boxer has said – we are far more than this. And perhaps for people around us – and more importantly for ourselves – it is crucial to remember that we continue to be the same people – with interests, passions, beliefs.

I have only just got off the phone tonight – having spoken with a friend about this very thing. I told her that i am beginning to feel that I am just myself again – that I am just me – oh and by the way – I happen to be interested in women rather than men… oh and I have also done some shifting in terms of my thinking about theology lately – all just part of the mix of me.

To get to this point though – has taken a bit of time – and I am sure that I will still have a need to allow the issue of sexuality to crowd my head space every now and then.

So Brunski – I think this advice to begin to focus on the other aspects of yourself is really really wise. This will not only help you – but will bear testament to those around you that you are still the same Brunski – still the same person they love and care for – oh and BTW – you happen to be gay.

As for your pastor and his suggestion that you can't be "righteous" and be in a gay relationship…. I feel I just have to weigh in a bit here. While I completely agree with shadow boxer – there's no point trying tom persuade or argue with people like your pastor – it may help you a little to know that Romans 3 points to the fact that "no one is righteous – not even one". So for anyone to begin talking about what may or may not equate to righteousness just makes me feel frustrated on your behalf.

Ann Maree has said to you "Go to counselling" – she is wise and she is right. It sounds like you are twisting yourslef into a pretzel to try to either be the person you think your mum and pastor want you to be or persuade them to come around to your way of thinking. Perhaps energy is better spent on how you feel about yourself, how you will sort some of your own struggles out and a counsellor can help you to do this.

Hope you have a lovely weekend

Sarab xxx