Miss Muppett

Throw caution to the wind. I think God wants us all to be whole & happy, and for most people (not all) that does mean having someone special in our lives. That can take many forms, but intimacy is part of our DNA and is not to be shunned. If you have meet someone special, get to know them, share your feelings and hey, cast your net into the deep!

Hi Miss Muppet,

You may remember that your story and mine share a number of similarities. It's good to see you on the forum again 🙂

I too, have never had a partner and never been intimate. I too, have in the past used words like "scared of intimacy".

If you're anything like me, there's a whole lot of stuff wrapped up in how you go about broaching the "never been with anyone topic" with a potential new partner or date. It's awful!! Rather, the thought of it can be awful.

I thought I might share a couple of things that are helping me at the moment. I have been working with a psychologist who uses narrative therapy – I do a lot of writing. She suggests that many of us are prisoners or slaves to the stories we repeat about or to ourselves. We can actually rewrite or re frame those stories. So instead of "I'm dysfunctional,. I have never had a partner" It becomes. "I'm now choosing to explore my sexuality, after over a decade or so of denying it. In your case, rather than "I don't ever think I'll be comfortable being intimate"… maybe you could try some other story out for size. Can you imagine what a different story might sound like?

You don't need to answer these questions on the forum – but it may be worth considering – "What specifically around intimacy am I worried about? I have recently started dating for the first time. I have been fortunate thus far to have met someone with whom I can be upfront about my story and history. I decided to tell her specifically about one of my fears – which happened to be around kissing. (Sounds silly I know). She has assured me that she will now never try to kiss me until I am ready. Just by sharing my fear – it helps take the heat out of it and it becomes a less powerful force.

So, in short – never say never – I too don't want to be alone, would love a partner and am on the precipice of facing the intimacy fear once and for all.

Hang in there – have you talked with a counsellor or therapist about this stuff? That may be helpful too.

I look forward to hearing more of your current journey.

Sarab

Thank u so much, each & every one of you. For your encouraging advice & now I have lots to think about & feeling more hopeful.

Amazingly, communication has been the key that has driven us to be where we are right now. We haven't kissed yet. She is happy to wait until I'm ready. But I really really love her company. Abd we're going out to the theatre TOGETHER for the first time this weekend. Excited much!

But a little nervous too. However, I know her a lot more now & feel ready to trust her in this situation.

Such new feelings! I'm really looking fwd to what's ahead. But not moving too quickly. Abd she's happy with that too. Thanks again everyone! Will be in touch about how it goes.

My "coming out" will soon follow…hoping it will all be ok.

Thanks Sarab xo

Hi there. Ok, so I'm feeling really bad right now. Yesterday was good, we went to the beach & enjoyed patches of sun amwaiting? Loved that I had company because I'm used to doing things by myself.

Of course when we got back, she wanted to get more intimate & I froze. It was excruciating for me to be cared for in such a way that she was giving. I noticed her backing right off then. And it left us both depressed. She said she's like me to show her some affection. All I can give right now is a hug.

We've only been getting to know each other for a few weeks. I feel a bit rushed with it all. Am I terrible to keep her waiting for me to catch up?

Not sure what to do now. She is dropping something over to me today, so we'll catch up then. I am frustrating her, she said so. I feel so bad.