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Ash 28 Gay - Forum Moderator - from Mackay Qld to Sydney NSW

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ashtroboy
 
Joined in 2010
January 20, 2011, 23:00

Hello my name is Ash. I’m a 28 year old Aussie gay male currently residing in Sydney.

I’m soon to be a new forum moderator, so I feel I should introduce myself to you all.

So here’s my story as briefly as I can tell it. Feel free to contact me for a more in-depth telling.


I was born in Mackay, a Coastal town in Rural Queensland.

I was 7 when I first realised I was different. At 14 I realised what it was called. It was also the same year my Mother and Father divorced. I realised I was different, watching a movie with Goldie Hawn in it. She was coaching a football team, and I found myself looking at the male football players rather than the ladies.

I didn’t tell anyone that I was different. From an early age it was apparent that the general population of Queensland males seemed to have a negative view on the subject. I recall being called a Poof, or a Fag or Faggot or just Gay. There taunts came from childhood playmates that lived in the same street as me at different stages of growing up. So I learnt pretty quick to keep to myself.

I attended a Catholic Primary school, and later a Catholic Highschool. Although I do not recall ever hearing anyone say being gay was wrong, I knew it was a sin. I think we may have covered ‘a man can not lay with a man’ briefly.

Mum had a boyfriend years after Dad, and my brother, sister, Mum and I moved in with him and his 4 children, so we had a bit of a Brady Bunch deal going on. I have a lot of fond memories of living on the farm, but also a lot of insecurities.

The man Mum partnered was quite rough in nature. He had a drinking problem that led Mum to eventually leave him some years later. But at the time, that environment only made me more self doubting. At a ‘stub of his toe’ the guy would spout gems like “you faggot!” for example. He felt nothing wrong with the statement, much like any other phrases he’d yell.

It was a huge relief when we moved. We moved from Queensland to a little town called Old Bar (Near Taree in NSW)


By later highschool I was being home schooled, as I had developed a social phobia. In later years I would realise that it was less about large groups of people, and more the fact that I was reaching the years where friends were coupling with the opposite sex, so I stood out like a sore thumb not getting a girlfriend. At the age of 17 I had found chat channel online and had a group of online friends based in Sydney in a group called #GayTeenAussies on a chat client called Mirc. They use to meet in a cafe called the Californian on Oxford Street Sydney. I would dream of meeting these guys face to face and meeting people who were like me. I would chat in this channel til late at night. It must have worried my Mum at the time, not being social, and clocking up all this net time. I was very careful to delete my history.


I was 18 when I told my Mum I was gay.

I was depressed as we had been living in Old Bar for 3 years and I’d made no friends, as I was home schooled and rarely left the house. I had overdue Math homework and it was all getting too much and I was arguing with my Mum and I started crying. I was sobbing on my bed, and she hugged me and told me not to cry, and it would be alright. Through tears I said “No it wouldn’t” Then my heart began to race and I said “I’ve got something to tell you.”

It was then that I made Mum promise she would not hate me.

I said I couldn’t bring myself to say it, so she said she’d give me a moment and went to make a coffee.

I ripped a piece of paper from one of my notebooks and wrote on it, then folded it in half.

Mum came back, and I again confirmed she wouldn’t hate me, and I handed her the note.

She opened it and it read “I’m gay”

Mum asked me if it was a faze. I said I didn’t think so.

I could see she was processing things in her head. She asked me “But what about Buffy?” She couldn’t understand why I liked Buffy the Vampire Slayer so much. (As I had posters of Sarah Michelle Gellar around my room) I responded “Well you like Home and Away. That doesn’t mean you love Alf Stewart”

She took it all in, and asked me “What now?” So I told her about a free-call number I had found in the White Pages, for a Gay and Lesbian counciling line. She immediately took to the phone and called the line and informed them “Well, my son just told me he was Gay, and I’m not sure what happens now” or something similar.

Through that call we were introduced to ACON and later that month went to our first PFLAG meeting (Parents and Friends of Lesbian and Gays) in Port Macquarie. Mum got to meet parents of gay children, and I made a couple new friends, and for the first time I was beginning to feel normal. The host of the meeting introduced me to the Youth meetings called MYP (Me Young and Proud) and I started getting dropped to these meetings by Mum, and then later catching a lift with friends I’d met at meetings.

At these meetings we discussed safe sex, coming out, and shared our stories. There was still a sense of secrecy. I was always paranoid someone might see me going there, or overhear our conversation. It took quite a few years for me to become comfortable with who I was.


The initial meetings were at the ACON building in Port Macaqurie. A smaller group later started in Taree. It was there that I met my first boyfriend Matt.

The host of the meetings introduced us, and I soon noticed meeting after meeting he’d always be one of the first there, and save me a seat. One day my friend Ron, who use to drive me to the meetings, told me “Oh he’s really into you” I was oblivious to this. Ron thought I was daft. He questioned “Why do you think he travels an hour to come to our meetings, when there are meetings where he lives?”My face was puzzled as Ron pointed at me with a smile. Pretty soon after Matt and I became an item, and a year later we moved out together.

We dated for 3 years, and a year or so after the breakup I moved to Sydney.


So 7 years later after 3 or 4 short term relationships I’m dating a lovely guy called Alex I am now happy. Moving to Sydney I found people a lot more accepting than back when I lived in Queensland.

I am now openly gay. This doesn’t mean I dress in pink, take drugs, party every weekend, and sleep around. Initially I use to gather with my friends at Stonewall or Arq for drinks and dancing. But these days I can have just as much fun hosting a bbq or dvd night etc. I’ve realised that coming out and being gay doesn’t mean I suddenly talk with a lisp with a bent wrist. I can be a regular guy from Queensland, I simply like men.

I’m out to my friends, family, at work, at home, and in all aspects of my life. I don’t introduce myself as a gay man, I just assume everyone knows, and if they ask I tell them. If they have a problem with it, then that’s their problem. To be honest, every time I meet a new person, especially if they’re heterosexual, I am slightly anxious as to whether they’ll be cool with it or not. But living in the city, I’ve found that most people I meet through friends are quite accepting.


Looking back that night I was crying on my bed, I’m not sure what would have happened if my Mum wasn’t there to comfort me. She has always been my rock. These days she is only a phone call away. She has met Alex and they get along really well. I know I am extremely lucky to have such an understanding and loving parent.


So that’s a brief tale of my journey so far.

I’m here if anyone needs to talk.

Don’t be afraid to be you, and most importantly – you’re not alone.


ash ~+~



Mr Summit
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2010
January 20, 2011, 23:44

Awesome to have you on board. 🙂



Myfanwe
 
Joined in 2007
January 21, 2011, 01:25

Hi Ash,


Welcome to the team, and thanks for sharing your story. Your mum sounds great!


Blessings,



Alucard
 
Joined in 2010
January 21, 2011, 05:21

Wonderful story Ash, I’m sure you will do a wonderful job 🙂



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
January 21, 2011, 07:36

Hi Ash


It’s so great to have you with us. Fantastic story too – thanks for sharing it.


Your Mum handled things in an exceptional manner, helping you find the supports and being there every step of the way. As you say, that’s just as well given your level of isolation.


I loved this quote in relation to you having told your Mum:


I could see she was processing things in her head. She asked me “But what about Buffy?” She couldn’t understand why I liked Buffy the Vampire Slayer so much. (As I had posters of Sarah Michelle Gellar around my room) I responded “Well you like Home and Away. That doesn’t mean you love Alf Stewart”


hehe 😀 😀 😀 Reminds me of the old thing they used to say from the pulpit that being in church didn’t make you godly anymore than eating in McDonalds made you a hamburger!


Anyway, a warm welcome to you!


Blessings,


Ann Maree



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
January 21, 2011, 10:58

I love it that people tell their stories here Ash. of course I have met you and we have spoken but I didn’t know all this background.


Old Bar……OMG…..in know it well. I pioneered three Assemblies of God churches in the area back in the late 70’s…….before you were born…..hehe. Port Macquarie, Laurieton and Wauchope……and had friends in Taree.


Reading your story reminds me how important it is to find support networks on this journey……its great that you found them for yourself and also for your mum.


it is interesing that the word gay was difficult to come from your lips…….you had to write it down. I think a lot of people find the word and ownership difficult at first…..because we have shame and other negative attached to it.



iplantolive
 
Joined in 2008
January 21, 2011, 20:42

Hey Ash,


Welcome aboard our online community! It’s great to have you as a forum moderator …


Looking forward to your contributions and posts in this unique space of LGBT people from a faith background …


Cheers



davidt
 
Joined in 2009
January 21, 2011, 22:24

Ash


Thanks for your story. I enjoyed reading it.


I am 63. Recently I was having a coffee with a guy from the church where we used to attend. I came out to him and he said it was “just a phase I was going through” – same as you. Pretty long phase!!


God creates some people gay and I just happen to be one of them.



Boi70
 
Joined in 2007
January 22, 2011, 11:27

Welcome Ash


Loved your story. 🙂 It’s great that we can all relate to each other – even the little things like the shyness. I was so shy, too, as I grew up. And I love how your mum responded to you when you came out. :bigsmile:

Can’t wait to hear more from you, and I am sure you will make a wonderful addition to the forum moderation team. :bigsmile:



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
January 22, 2011, 16:37

Ash


Thanks for your story. I enjoyed reading it.


I am 63. Recently I was having a coffee with a guy from the church where we used to attend. I came out to him and he said it was “just a phase I was going through” – same as you. Pretty long phase!!


God creates some people gay and I just happen to be one of them.


thought this was appropriate :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:


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