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Christian lesbian, 37, hetero marriage ... searching for answers

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myjourney316
 
Joined in 2010
August 3, 2010, 00:55

everyday is still so very hard but I (think) I can say that in the midst of all my pain I am sensing God’s peace. I’m counting on His grace and the promise that He will never leave me. it’s so hard to formulate into words all that i am feeling and experiencing.

… to quickly update … my husband and I are in agreement about splitting (although i still have my reservations which i think stem from fear) but how, is now the issue. so although we are out of limbo (in sorts) we are still in a holding pattern. financially, we are not able to be on our own. we are trying to figure out how to make it work while still living together with the kids. once that is figured out, we will tell the kids.

I’ve been searching for a ‘welcoming’ church. I’ve met some really great people but still don’t know if I’ve found a ‘home” yet.



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
August 3, 2010, 13:12

did you get to catch up with the two ladies I introduced you to in your area?


sorting out the logistics with financial constraints can be quite a challenge…….people are handling it differently these days. I am working with some couples in the US who are at this stage of sorting it out.


When I came to this point 20 years ago I just walked away and left everything for my wife and family…….something many men at that time did……..had I my time over I would have done things differently…..there are better ways to live authentically which is more respectful to all.

myjourney316
 
Joined in 2010
August 3, 2010, 14:32

AVB,

I met Sandy yesterday. I went to the church she pastors. I enjoyed the service and will definitely go back. will probably meet up with her soon. looking forward to that.



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
August 4, 2010, 02:02

great…..happy to hear that.

myjourney316
 
Joined in 2010
August 11, 2010, 04:35

some soul searching going on. this is something that i have never taken time to do. i’ve been afraid of what i’d find. not ever wanting to admit who i was. ANYWAY … God has allowed me to have some more ‘free’ time on my hands (if you can actually call it that.) without getting into it all … my job has always kept me really busy and these days it’s not as much. this is something i have asked God to do. so it doesn’t surprise me at all. BUT what i’m not getting is that clear path of what i’m suppose to be doing 😉 or, really, the time to sort it all out. and that is only because the kids are on break. if i’m home, so are they. so although i’m finding myself with more ‘time’ it’s not necessarily ‘alone’ time.

my bad theology tells me i’m being punished (because of all the clients i’m losing). i’m trying not to listen to that. i’m trying to tell myself that God is just doing what i’ve asked Him to do. make my path more clear. He’s working on closing a door so He can open another one. a push i probably need. i don’t know what i’m suppose to do, but i am confident God will direct my path. He has to!!


(i am also posting on my blog, if you’d like to read more. sometimes it just easier to jot something down there …) http://thejourney316.wordpress.com/

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
August 11, 2010, 12:34

Hi myjourney


Great to hear from you again! 🙂


You’re not being punished. I mean, how would that help you and would you believe in a God like that?

It sounds like you said, that your prayers are being answered and you are being given more time to process things.


It’s good that you met up with Sandy and went along to her church. 🙂


Thinking of you and sending positive energy.


Blessings,


Ann Maree

Myfanwe
 
Joined in 2007
August 11, 2010, 22:20

Hi myjounrey


I signed up to receive email alerts when you update your blog. I want to stay in touch with your journey and at least be in prayer with you over the things you’re facing if nothing else. I don’t comment very often, but I am reading and following your story, and finding much encouragement, believe it or not in reading your words, even on the days when you’re feeling down and wondering if there will ever be a clear path before you.


Just know that I am reading, and praying for you. 🙂



myjourney316
 
Joined in 2010
June 1, 2011, 13:03

Hi All!

it sure has been a long time since i’ve been on this site. so much has happened on my journey. here’s a little snapshot, if interested …

In all our praying, processing, researching and given our situation and how we have always done things in the past … my husband and I made a plan to move gradually but with a common goal, even if, at any given time, our goals didn’t seem to match up. Let me explain, I have not been completely sold on the idea that splitting is the answer (given my ‘Christian’ background and family upbringing). BUT I understand that going on as we had been would do more harm than good and understand that even if I may not agree I have realized that splitting is best for all involved. That being said, we made a plan to make this happen, slowly. I will spare you all the details at this time, but the more we prayed and relied on God to lead us, the more the course of action was evident. We became intentional about laying groundwork when it came to us telling loved ones, especially the kids. Not only that, but financially, we wanted to step slowly as I tried to find full-time employment and as my husband phased out of the ministry he was involved in.

I’ll fast forward to our present situation … we are living in the same house BUT different rooms. This came after telling our kids. Our kids took the news better than expected. Once we proved to them that nothing was really changing (for them), except for the fact that mommy and daddy are now sleeping in different rooms, they were fine. Our MAIN goal as we told them was to let them know that our family wasn’t broken. We would still, in fact, be a family. God has really been present in ALL this. I have been ‘outed’ to most family and friends. And most have been supportive, not quite understanding, but supportive.

i guess that’s more of a glimpse than a snapshot 😉 i hope to be able to check this site more often. hugs to you all from the USA 🙂



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
June 1, 2011, 18:51

Hi myjourney


It’s so good to hear from you again! And your situation sounds very positive, like things are working better than you could have imagined.. Is that fair to say?


I’m so pleased for you.. And it really is a testimony to what great people both you and your husband are. I mean it’s truly impressive the way you’ve worked together and made such considered and thoughtful steps for your family and all concerned. I’m proud of you! You’re amazing! 🙂 🙂 🙂


Stay in touch. 🙂


Blessings,


Ann Maree

Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
June 2, 2011, 13:46

great to hear from you again myjourney316 and to have the update on your journey.


I have been coaching gay and lesbian people in heterosexual marriages for some years now. …..technically called mixed orientation marriages. (MOM’s)


One thing that is very clear is that there is not a one size fits all solution. There are actually several options.


The thing that I work with is assisting people to decide what is the right thing for right now. This means that possibly it might not be the final outcome….but at least I am more prepared to face the demands of the moment/next 12 months or next several years.


I work with people looking at all the variables to consider such as children and ages, finances, quality of the current relationship to name a few. There is much to consider. it is probably the next most important decision you will make in life…..getting married being the first. Then again this might even be more important than that original decision because that may have been more influenced by expectation or desire to conform where as the new decision is based on totally honesty and greater awareness
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