Claims that Gay People Abuse Children

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Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
September 18, 2013, 17:53

Hi Bernie

You said:

..Now he's asked if I'll go to his house tomorrow night and talk with him and his wife. Feeling a bit anxious about it because I'll be outnumbered and it's in his space…… but I'll wear my professional shell (I'm a refugee lawyer in work-life) and go into it as I would for a client, rather than myself. Nothing to lose.

Could you take someone supportive with you so you are not outnumbered, Bernie?

You say you have nothing to lose but I think it depends how strong you are feeling and what effect the pastor's anticipated attempts to change you might have.

You do not have to answer these questions here but these are perhaps worth considering.

What are you hoping to achieve and are you prepared for the fact that you may not achieve that?

What will you do and how will you feel if his response is more of what he said from the pulpit?

I know I am looking on the negative side of things but I think it helps to be prepared for all possible outcomes, including the negatives, given his previous negative behaviours.

If he is open to it or you have the opportunity, you could perhaps mention '100 Revs'. They are a group of pastors, including men and women in ministry, who are supportive of homosexuality and he could contact them and they could explain their perspective from a biblical and human rights point of view.

I wish you the very best, and just know that whatever the outcome, we are here for you.


Ann Maree

Joined in 2011
September 23, 2013, 17:22

Hoping and praying that the meeting with your pastor went well!

Joined in 2012
September 23, 2013, 22:11

It could have been worse. I was kind of disappointed in myself afterwards but i don't know what I was really thinking I would achieve.

He said he wants me to feel loved and embraced there, and not just tolerated. ("Jesus didn't tolerate anyone"). But then to illustrate how accepting he is, he told me that he doesn't think being gay is worse than any other sin… told a story about how he did a funeral for a lesbian once, and people told him that he shouldn't have done it but he thought, why not, he'd do a funeral for a gossip or a liar, so how is it different?!

I think he's trying. He admitted he hasn't really had to confront it before, so I guess I'll just see how things go for now. Yeah, could have been a lot worse.

Joined in 2005
September 24, 2013, 08:15

I admit I would find that hurtful

However – its actually maybe its not so a bad foundation to start from ?

Scripturally speaking we are all sinners – he is – and you are (no offense – I am to) but its up to God to worry about what those sins are . Something that many homophobic bigots forget.

If he truly wants you to feel loved and embraced and not just tolerated – then – thats what a church is about – and if they can look past you being a Lesbian – which is confronting to many – then thats great.

Its my personal opinion that our sexuality shouldnt define us – just be a part of us.

Over time – as they see you are a warm hearted human being that doesnt curdle milk just by walking in the room and leave behind sulphurous footsteps – perhaps he and the church may (and its a big may – I do understand that) be open to some movement in their opinions.

And people can have unreconciled conflicts in their opinions just as we can.

I have a number of friends whose official stance is the same as the anglican diocese of sydney. BUT you know – they said that to me once. We have never spoken of it again. We socialise together. They come to parties with my partner and I. They bring their kids over to my place for dinner. We go to theirs. We enjoy each others company. We ARE friends. I suspect that its easier for them to not think about the issue and the longer they dont think about it – the stronger their "tolerance" is growing.

So maybe its a start that you can build on… I hope so anyway…

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
September 26, 2013, 19:36

Hi Bernie

I agree – he is trying. Don't be hard on yourself though. It's a difficult thing to be compared to a gossip or other sin and doesn't feel right but I think he is trying to open his mind at least. Still feels hurtful to me though.

Dr Riddle talks about the attitudes toward homosexuality starting with repulsion, pity, tolerance, acceptance, admiration, appreciation and nurturance/celebration.

This pastor believes homosexuality is a sin but wants to be loving. It could be worse. He's heading in the right direction (perhaps at tolerance?) although is quite a way from nurturance or celebration.

I guess your choice to stay at or go from that church, depends on what you want from the church and whether it's realistic for them to provide that and whether you can manage his difference in views just as he is trying to manage yours. There is no shame in either choice – it's really a matter of what sits well with you and weighing up your needs at this time.


Ann Maree

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