Hi,

I've come across this site and have read many of the stories and can identify with a lot of them. I denied my sexuality for years and did the if I pray it'll go away thing. I was wanting God to rescue me from this and I went into reparative therapy, joined mens groups, saw psychologists etc. all to rid me of this monkey on my back. Coming from a conservative religious and family background, coming out is the most difficult thing I think will face. The emotional turmoil, torment, self hate/abuse, fear, anxiety and depression that this cognitive dissonance has caused has been agonising. I subscribed to living a chaste life for many years but I never made any real connection with people, I simply didn't love because I am/so afraid of people judging me for being gay.

I eventually started meeting people, going to Gay bars etc and eventually ended up In a gay relationship that ended badly. As painful as it was, it showed me that I want to come out of the hiding, fear and shame and to be free to be who i am and to relate to people and the world as a whole being. It's all been a blessing in disguise I guess, though if someone told me 5 years ago that I would be posting this tonight, there is no way on earth I would have believed them.

I'm on this journey now that I have started. I have much reconciling to do between my faith and sexuality and what it all means. Some for now will go into the too hard basket and I'll see where I end up. This group seems like a good place to star and I'm considering coming to one of the Sydney meetings..

Thanks for the opportunity to write here

John

Hi John!

Welcome to the freedom2b forums. It's great to have you here. I hope you feel supported and encouraged by the people on these forums, many of whom have gone through a similar experience to you. This is a great place to start exploring reconciling your faith and sexual orientation. 🙂

My story is similar to yours in many ways. Like you, I also went through reparative therapy and found the emotional turmoil of coming to grips with my sexual orientation exhausting at times. I'm in a happy relationship now but have had bad experiences in the past so I can understand how difficult that can be in addition to everything else.

I came out as gay about 6 years ago now and these forums really helped me to do that and to reconcile my faith and sexual orientation.

I'm one of the Sydney freedom2b leaders and really want to encourage you to come to one of our meetings. Let me know if you need any more information or if you would like to chat beforehand?

All the best,

Ben

Hi John

Welcome and thanks for sharing your story!

I am so glad you found our site and would encourage you to go to the Sydney f2b group. they are a very friendly, inclusive group who will make you feel welcome. You can also contact one of the leaders, Ben or forestgrey, and have a chat beforehand if you like. Sometimes that helps to break the ice.

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Hi John

Welcome to f2b forum. One thing you said struck a chord with me

"As painful as it was, it showed me that I want to come out of the hiding, fear and shame and to be free to be who i am and to relate to people and the world as a whole being."

As we travel on this coming out journey and work through the layers, I think it does take us some time to realise that our sexual orientation doesn't define us , but is however just one part of who we are. It shouldn't change our integrity, our values or our beliefs. We actually are the same person in fact but now we are not lying to ourselves or to the people around us. It can take some time but yes we are able then to relate as a whole being. Often realising who we are can just put that missing piece in place. I can relate John and

Thanks for posting!