Is there such a thing as being out of the closet but not out to everyone??????
Yes. I believe that I can be out of the closet but not out to everyone. For example, I am out to my family & friends – because they are the most important people in my life, and I want them to know who I am, and want them to meet & socialise with my boyfriend / partner, when I am in a relationship, and treat him as part of our family. However, I am not out to everyone at work. If I discuss aspects of my personal life with someone at work, then I don’t hide whom I socialise with or where I socialise, or whom I am dating, etc. But there are lots of people at work, who don’t know that I am gay. It is not really relevant for me that they know, because I don’t actually know a lot about their private lives either – I don’t ask everyone if they are gay or straight, and don’t expect that I need to answer the same question for every person or organisation, if it is not relevant to my job or how I do my job.
I believe being out of the closet is made up of two things:
1/ about being honest with myself, and
2/ being able to be honest with others – family / friends / work mates / employers / the government.
For years, I saw my attraction to men as something that would be resolved / healed by God, and that I would eventually be attracted to & be able to marry a woman. Obviously, I live my life from an entirely different perspective now, as I accept that I am a gay man – and I believe that I can have a meaningful relationship with another man. So, I am now being honest with myself.
In regard to being honest with others, I don’t pretend that I am straight / that I am looking to date women, or pretend to notice women physically / sexually on the pretext that if I pretend to notice these characteristics of women, they won’t guess that I am gay. I know I have done this in the past, and know that others have or continue to do the same to hide their orientation. It is little things like these, that define whether we are empowered to be honest with others.
is this a compromise??????
No, by being out of the closet to myself and others – but not to everyone – I do not believe that this is a compromise. I don’t feel obligated to explain myself to every person that I socialise or work with. I believe that it is our choice . Yes, we could argue that these choices can either hurt or empower ourselves or others.
Years ago, women were restricted to specific careers, or were expected to be mothers and not have careers. They were never allowed to make a choice to have a full time career, and / or balance both career and motherhood. Today, society generally accepts their right to choose a career, motherhood or both, and our laws uphold their rights to choose, and have equal pay, equal opportunities, etc
I believe that the same process of liberation or the freedom to choose / live our lives honestly is available to us.
Social Injustices is usually changed by small movements that become greater movements for change. Laws began to change in Australia in the 70s, and are continuing to change even today. A change in our legal rights have begun, and are a prelude to a greater change in the social attitudes within Australia of how people perceive each of us, as members of the GLBTI community.
And one day, I want Australians society, laws and institutions to never see anything extraordinory in our being gay. I don’t have to go through a process of coming out – I can – my family can – my friends can – Australia can – just accept that some are same sex attracted, and it is as normal as being straight.
Do you need to be totally out????/?
No – I believe that ‘coming out’ is a healthy, liberating process – but should never be an obligation put on us.
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