friendships lost etc

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Joined in 2005
April 17, 2007, 16:47

has everyone here had the unfortunate time of losing friends?

I know for me. It still happens. Growing up in the church, then going to christian schools, and then most of my friendships were in the church. I’ve found that i lost so many friends.

Just this week. I’ve lost another bunch of people from my life, all seperate people. It is made harder cause i have sisters who they stay friends with. And, suddenly become extra social with my sisters, just to prove their point. People just stop talking to you and you wonder if you have done somethng wrong, or they just stop liking you, and then you find it is becuse of your sexuality. Or when they just outright get nasty, aggressive and totally inappropriate. it is sad for them, that they harbour so much hatred. But, it is sad for you as lost another friend. sometimes ive felt like stuff you world and getting bitter and angry. But, they would use my anger as proof that i am sinning and turning “bad”, its affect of my sin. CRAP!!!

How has everyone dealt with this situation in their lives?

Joined in 2006
April 18, 2007, 00:26

Yes, sadly too many times, especially from church. I had one woman at church that I really got along well with, just on the same wave length and she even brought me a book out of the blue, I was so touched and she wrote on a card how she felt we were kindred spirits…..Anyhow, one day after the ladies meeting we had a heart to heart and she shared how she had been unfaithful to her husband(all resolved) and I told her how I had been with women, she was fine with it that day but then the next time I saw her she was nervous around me and then after that she treated me like a stranger. She completely avoids me. ( Ive never been one to go around talking about my sexuality at church, unless I was asked I said nothing, other people dont tell me what they prefer sexually so i dont either, I guess if I had a partner then it would be different, it would be more obvious.

Then many years ago I gave my testimony on national TV(on swordfish 1996′) because I believed at the time I was over being a lesbian LOL a producer friend of mine who knew everything roll wink asked if i would do it……anyhow many people I knew saw it, even my fathers work mates and they praised my guts in coming out in the open to sooo many people, but I lost my 3 closest friends at church because of it.

But its not just because of my being lesbian I get rejection but also because of the fact I was limping back then that people dropped off as well, they thought “oh I mustve done some amazing sin to get so ill” ? It seems that if you arent completely able or are a little different to the norm. people treat you like a sandwich made of m&ms with tomato sauce roll Its not everywhere but in some places or amongst some people it seems more pronounced.

I agree frogger it would be easy to be bitter and angry but who does it hurt? it hurts me and this stuff blocks God moving thru me freely and I become hard. Other people may reject me and treat me like crap but God doesnt and once my confidence is secure in that, I have compassion on peoples ignorance and hardened hearts and pray for them (im not being condescending in saying this, its sadness). It doesnt stop the hurt, but I guess moving on from it is the thing and at the end of the day its their loss that they dont know a beautiful person like yourself or me or whoever it is they are rejecting. No wonder Jesus said in not so many words to keep our eyes off each other and look to Him.

There are some people who have been lucky enough not to receive the full rejection of the church so it can be hard for them to understand where we are coming from. If only more churches werent so hardline in judging.

Joined in 2007
April 19, 2007, 02:13

I don’t know if this is of any comfort. My grandmother used to tell me when I was growing up that:

True Friends are like diamonds

They last forever

While fake friends are like leaves

that falls off the tree

I have lost friends who have choose to move away from me and yeah that hurts but I decided long ago that it’s their freewill and that we were not meant to journey together. All I know is that their attitude will be held to be accountable.

When they become extra friendly to your sister, just think of us all who love you for who you are in Christ and would drop everything to look out for you and keep you tight in our prayers.

It hurts, and sometimes it feels like a part of you dies when that relationship stops. I guess the reality of the situation is that I will continue to loose good friends… and at the same time I will gain more friends, the kind of friends that God wants me to have in my life.

Thinking of you sis… shed a little tear for you… sent up prayers to God to give you comfort through these difficult times… maybe He can replace it with something good. Hmmmm



Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
April 19, 2007, 08:44

hey Frogger…it is hurtful I know.

just try and remember its their stuff not yours so dont allow it to take it on.

From my experience people who respond like that have one of these things to deal with.

1. they have same sex issues themselves

2. they have sexual issues, masturbation, addictions, secret sin

3. sexual abuse as a youger person

4. or they are just plain ignorant.

They project thier unresloved issues onto us……its their stuff.

Just remember “when we choose to live authentically, we chip away at others prisons of pretend” avb

You are the one with the power.

George Michael said. “i’d rather be rejected for who I am than accepted for who i’m not.

it can stil hurt though.

Joined in 2006
April 19, 2007, 12:43

Those 4 pts you gave Anthony are so true in so many cases. Frogger I reckon your tops, with the wildest imagination wink Extremely creative and sooooooo glad to know you….People that are not for you are definately missing out on heaps D x squissshies !!!!!!! I wonder who I got that expression from LOL wink

Joined in 2005
April 19, 2007, 12:46

yeah its just a tough one. Even ya know like eight years later im recieving grief. It would be nice for it to just end. But, i also thought it owuld be a good copy of a discusance of dealing with people…

Joined in 2007
April 21, 2007, 12:57

About 6 months ago, I decided to tell two of my best church friends that I had decided to accept myself as gay.

they both didn’t reject me outright then, but one, a guy, who I know is hiding his homosexuality, just told me, “I’m happy for you, and I’m also sad”. It seemed like an odd comment, and I wondered how someone could take 2 different views – but then he is still sitting in his closet.

Initially, I thought I could renew my friendships with these two people. But both of them, just didn’t respond to my calls / messages after that.

When I stopped going to church awhile back, I had decided to just cut old friends off, to protect myself. I had seen others get that look of ‘disappointment’, and/or get ostrocized when their views on anything differed from the leaders within the church. I had also seen one guy, who had been in the church music ministry, leave because he was gay. A month or so later, he came back, and most of his former friends treated him like a leper. I also heard comments ‘he can’t be trusted’. It was a wake up call to me.

I had had some of these friends in Church for up to 20 years. when I left the church, it was lonely at first, but I then just made new ones out on the gay scene. (I could so relate to Anthony’s book on this level). In time, I realise that so many of these new friends didn’t understand me – my christian background, etc.

Fortunately, in the last year, though I have begun to make a few friends, who have had church backgrounds. One is a ex-uniting church minister, who ministers to gay people within Brisbane, under the umbrella of the Uniting Church.

reading your own comments about ‘lost friendships’ just goes to show how much we can really encourage each other…

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
April 23, 2007, 14:41

hope you can make it the next F2B in Brisbane Jason…..i’m sure you’ll find real people there who will understand and who are also very genuine.

last friday we had 15 people. 4 of them former pastors and 1 former ex gay leader. What a great start.

after our meeting some of us went out for a bite to eat and a drink………but i was refused entry at the Wickham…….can you believe that. 😳

Joined in 2006
April 24, 2007, 19:01

You were refused entry Anthony, at the Wickham????????? Far out!!! roll What a great turnout at the first meeting D , I sooo want to go again to the Sydney one.

Its true Jason, you couldnt find a lovlier bunch of people at the F2B meetings, all aces D Some of the Brissy guys I’ve had contact with from here are just gorgeous (sorry guys but its true wink )

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
April 25, 2007, 00:38

refused entry at a high class nightclub…….well I guess i could take that considering what i was wearing………but the Wickham?….come on. I think it was an agist thing.

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