Forums

From they prayer request forum - Celibacy

Page:   1 2 3 4
 
 

Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
June 22, 2008, 13:44

I have no idea whether celibacy is easier for a woman than a man, to state the glaringly obvious I am not a man so my perspective is skewed. I think there is validity in the idea that the longer you are celibate the easier it is.


I’m thinking of the research thats been done about the differences to the male and female sexual response. I thought you’d be well read on that……you have done so much research. It is these findings that explain, to me any way, the huge chasm between gay male and lesbian cultures.



If women are from Venus, men are — well — men. Seventy percent of men think about sex every day — double the rate among women. Indeed, 43 percent of men think about sex several times a day; just 13 percent of women do that. Eighty-three percent of men enjoy sex “a great deal”; that falls to 59 percent of women. Women, though, are equally likely to express satisfaction with their sex lives.


Sex and the Gender Gap


Think about sex every day Men 70% Women 34

Enjoy sex a “great deal” Men 83 Women 59


Overall, women report an average of six sex partners in their lifetimes; men, 20. But a better gauge of sexual activity for most people is the median, the midpoint between the high and low: Women report a median of three sex partners; men, a median of eight.


The averages are higher because a small number of individuals — especially men — report a very large number of partners. Five percent of the men in this sample reported having had 99 or more sex partners, including four who reported 200, three who reported 300 and one who reported 400. Among women, one percent reported 99 or more partners; the high was 100 (reported by two women). from http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/PollVault/Story?id=156921&page=1


I’ve heard Alan Meyer, an Aussie preacher, speak at a mens conference on this and the terrible curse of the male hormone system. I’m sure that level of self awareness has helped many men stop condemning themselves for the natural things that go on in their minds. He was prompted to do research into this after a young man in his church committed suicide because he had an addiction to porn. Very intelligent.


And of course this explains the high level of sexual activity in the gay male population which some christians are very quick to condemn but haven’t realised what is behind it. They have a pool of willing sexual partners available all the time unlike their male heterosexual counterparts. Heterosexual men would have just as much if they could find the willing partners…..but there is something inbuilt in the female (heterosexual) psyche that resists till there is an environment of love, commitment and security. It all makes perfect sense to me. 😀



sojourner
 
Joined in 2008
June 22, 2008, 14:16

Wow- This little dialogue is totally reflecting the mini-war thats going on inside my head about Sexuality, Celibacy and the Bible… Would I be right Sandy in saying you believe that a persons understanding of the scriptures, rather than any objective standard of right or wrong on the issue of sexuality is what matters? You seem to be adament that if a persons faith allows them to genuinely feel that God endorses their sexuality and the practise of that sexuality, that they should feel free to be in relationships, because they are not willfully sinning because they are not convicted that it is a sin at all- or have I just put a whole lot of words in your mouth that you would never be caught saying while for more conservative minded people (perhaps like myself), while we could go and have relationships, at the end of the day we wouldn’t be able to escape our ingrained conviction that is wrong, thus our ‘consciences’ or convictions would condemn us.. or have I just put a whole lot of words in your mouth that you would never be caught saying?? If I’m wrong, how on earth did your church find your views on homosexuality ‘too liberal’ to be accepted… Unless ofcourse they were like the exclusive bretheren, in which case they probably threw you out for reaching the age of 18 without being married or having your first child 😛


This has to be the issue that has totally led me to go crazy revising my understanding of sin… I remember when our church was door-knocking (lol- yes we went there, there was so about to be a major turf war between us and the JW’s) I ran into this puritan- he basically said everyone in our church would be condemned to hell because we were disobedient to the word of God by allowing women to speak in church/go into church without their heads covered, and other such weird biblical commands– Now if we interpret certain parts of the bible literally he was right, we are disobeying the scriptures totally and should incur gods wrath… However, because of the reason and tradition we bring to interpreting the bible, we contextualise the passage and feel quite comfortable to basically ignore these passages- and it occured to me this was remarkeably similar to the way in which the movements my church condemned for their approach to homosexuality approached the relevant passages which speak against homosexual practises– So I was ultra confused about the whole thing- who was right, who was wrong and who would end up in hell or heaven because they were right= then I realised that I had totally emptied Christianity of its Grace and placed my hope for salvation on my human ability to sus out God and the notion of sin, rather than simply trusting in his grace… I was drawn to the thought that at the end of the day the only theology which mattered was that of Grace and all other things were relative- Now I’m not saying I have it all worked out, there are huge huge holes in this thinking, like the line we draw around what is an acceptable contextualisation of a passage and what isn’t, we can make the bible say or not say whatever we like, there has to be some kind of line, but where is that line??


So yeah- I’ve totally side tracked this thread and for that I apologise… but yeah, these are basically the questions and thoughts that have been churning around in my head for a while and this made me think of them…


*End of Mental Explosion- Return to discussion at hand.


Oh and Orfeo, I think you are me about 1 year from now… when people at church work ‘stuff’ out, I can so see myself being ‘invited’ to coffee with the minister to ‘catch up’… Really hope and pray you’re able to find a church that will nurture you and provide you with a spiritual home where you find acceptance… If I were in your position, I would probably crash a Uniting Church– there are huge differences in theology between different congregations, but a substantial number will be affirming of you and your choices…


Ciao!


Chris



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
June 22, 2008, 14:38

can’t wait to see you respond to this Sandy……although I think i could have done it for you….we have had lots of discussions about these things and I think I’m pretty clear on your thoughts on the subject……. 😆 😆 😆


Certainly become an interesting…..and i would say intensely relevant thread. 😀



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
June 22, 2008, 17:05

So the pressure is on! 😆 Since I declared to have a heart I will be very careful in how I respond so I don’t come off like some scary, fundamentalist, right-wing, fantic.


Would I be right Sandy in saying you believe that a persons understanding of the scriptures, rather than any objective standard of right or wrong on the issue of sexuality is what matters?


It may be naieve of me but I believe the bible holds objective truth that is relevant to all people, in all cultures and across all time because the bible is the word of God Himself and God is transcendant. So, if Anthony interpretes the bible to say that homo-eroticism* is ok with God and I interperet it to mean that it isn’t then one of us has to be wrong, no matter how genuinely we believe what we do.


However, that said, we are talking about trying to understand the mind of God here, of God! Even I am not arrogant enough to claim to understand God, or know God. In the end, I believe that our motives and intentions count more to God than whether we wear hats in church or sleep with the same sex. A comitment to God, a desire to serve Him, to love Him is worth, I believe, more than a perfect understanding of the bible (though I wouldn’t turn that down given the option). The desire to glorify God is what makes a Christian. I don’t think anyone in the whole world will ever fully understand the bible, its difficult for a reason, because the less we know the more we need to rely on God and not ourselves. So we will get things wrong, its possible I am wrong about homosexuality. But I honestly and with the integrity that comes from honest study and an honest desire to serve God believe that it is wrong. My motives and intentions are to glorify God and I know that He knows that. It works both ways too, if someone honestly and with integrity believes it is ok. This is not to say that in the end someone isn’t wrong about it, someone has to be but being a Christian isn’t about knowing everything, its about working with what we do know in the here and now, working to glorify God in the best way we can.


There is a huge difference between willful sin and well… sin. Sin is a theoretical concept for us, sin is in the mind of God himself. Willful sin is the things we know we do wrong, in full knowledge of doing them, like lying or stealing. For me homo eroticism is willful sin, for Anthony it isn’t, despite whether it is sin in the mind of God or not. The intentions behind our actions define the way our relationship with God will be.


If I’m wrong, how on earth did your church find your views on homosexuality ‘too liberal’ to be accepted… Unless ofcourse they were like the exclusive bretheren, in which case they probably threw you out for reaching the age of 18 without being married or having your first child


The main issue with the church was over change from homosexual to heterosexual. They believed I should persue it, and for good reason too, their arguments made alot of sense. God does not want us to struggle unduly with sin, change would mean that I would not be tempted to sin (in that respect) and therefor be a better follower. All of this is true, absolutly and I have no real opinion on whether change works or not.


Really, when it comes down to it, my counter-arguments were/are simply prejudices. I don’t want to change not because I believe it wont work but because the thought of marriage and children… of spending my life with a man makes we want to grab the nearest fork and start digging for China. I was also raped by a few men, and well to put it mildly the only experience I have had with men and sex is far from plesant. I just don’t want to change, I would rather struggle.


I was drawn to the thought that at the end of the day the only theology which mattered was that of Grace and all other things were relative


Ohh can we please have another relitivism/objectivism discussion? These are my favourites! 😆 Maybe its not about answers, who is right and who isn’t. But about what we do with those answers and wether we firmly believe them in the first place. God wants us to love him, desire Him, glorify Him and spend our lives getting to know Him. Perhaps the desire to know God is more importnat than knowing God, the desire to serve Him more important than the service.


like the line we draw around what is an acceptable contextualisation of a passage and what isn’t, we can make the bible say or not say whatever we like, there has to be some kind of line, but where is that line??


Maybe that is where intentions come in again. Are we interpreting this passge in this way because thats what we are hoping it will say, or are we really trying to figure out what God is telling us? Perhaps the line that is drawn is different for all of us, its the line between self-service when interpreting the bible and service to God.


You are totally cute Orfeo with the whole “Sandy dearest” thing. Kind of reminds me of my first girlfriend, we would swap notes in class and she would always start with “Sandy dearest…” though I think yours was possibly with a more exasperated tone 😆 Unless you have something you want to share with me 😉


* I don’t use the term homo-eroticism because it is loaded and sexualised. I use it because it denotes an erotic activity (whatever that may be) with someone of the same sex. This is different to homosexuality which is not sinful per se.


Anthony.


I have done research on is, and alas you are right (what is that anyway? The third time this week, I am getting sloppy!! :lol:) I guess I just don’t like it when people bring it up because it makes me feel like some over-sexed crazy person. I would place myself in the group that thinks about sex very often (lets not go deeper than that cause if I ever do meet you I’m not going to be able to look you in the eye without blushing) so it makes me uncomfortable to realise that most other women have an easier time of it. However, the studies, and yes, the gay community speaks for itself. The evidence is certainly there and I just tried to gloss it all over with a general shrug and a diversion. Next time I’ll just tell you its a soft spot and to drop it 😆 😆



HillsBen
Youth Coordinator
Joined in 2008
June 22, 2008, 17:58

Wow…This has become a really interesting thread and it is funny to see the little tug of war going on between Anthony and Sandy. lol. 😀


Honestly, For myself….


At the moment I don’t know what I believe on the issue. Up until about a month ago I firmly believed that sex before marriage was out of God will and that sex is a covenant between man and woman.


I guess I still believe that in a sense. I mean God is meant to be complete and the closest thing on Earth that looks like the relationship of the trinity is marriage. One of Adam’s ribs given to Eve. The completeness of male and female united in one body through sex and a child being evidence of that covenant and a blessing of God’s love.


I’ve gotta say now that, honestly, I don’t believe that Homosexual relations was part of God’s plan. Well…at least not originally. But having said that, neither was sin.


From the old testament to the New testament we see the abundance of Christ’s love, mercy, grace and compassion to us. The new testament shows what God is willing to do because of this great love – send his only son. Sin was not originally part of God’s plan but God made a way – through Jesus. His love for us was far greater than the laws or the original intended covenants and while I still believe that there is a certain way that God intends for us to live, He made a way even though we couldn’t meet that benchmark.


I don’t think we can’t ignore Grace when we approach the issue of homosexuality, nor can we say that homosexual sex is alright outside a committed, loving relationship.


Again, I have no idea what I believe at the moment regarding this issue. I wish to please God with everything I am and yet I do not believe that he would resign me to a life of celibacy. I don’t think God is that slack!!!


I think that sexual orientation cannot be changed – I think that most of us would agree on that from many past traumatic experiences.


So if we can’t change our sexual orientation and we’re not meant to have sex outside of marriage. And we are not allowed to get married. What does that mean for us. Are we cursed and resigned to a harder life than anyone else????


I don’t think so. But then again this is bigger than I could possibly comprehend.


I think I am just more confused after writing that. lol. 😕



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
June 22, 2008, 18:36

I’ve gotta say now that, honestly, I don’t believe that Homosexual relations was part of God’s plan. Well…at least not originally. But having said that, neither was sin.


So the correlation there… ah I’d better not, its too easy 😆 😆


I wish to please God with everything I am and yet I do not believe that he would resign me to a life of celibacy. I don’t think God is that slack!!!


Gee thanks Ben!! 😆 God resigns alot of people to lives of celibacy for alot of reasons, singleness being the main one. It was Paul that said singleness is better than marriage because your priorities are not divided. Perhaps God gives people circumstances, under which they must remain celibate for that very reason. I’m the first person to tell you its tough, but I am also the first one to tell you sex and relationships are not the end all, be all point of existance either.


Are we cursed and resigned to a harder life than anyone else????


Again I am not denyng that being gay is difficult, absolutly it totally is, esepically if you are a Christian. But we don’t have the corner on suffering here. There are alot of things that we don’t suffer with, living in a third world country, physical persecution… the list is endless. Ages and ages ago someone posted a link to another forum on here, a conservative one where people were arguing homosexuality. There was this horrible guy on there and I really disagreed with him, but he did make a good point, alot of gay people think they have it so much worse than anyone else and it simply isn’t true. Being human means at times being in pain and that is something everyone endures. Just because the circumstances are different for everyone doesn’t mean the pain is harder.


All you have to do is open the newspaper to realise that there are people out there with bigger problems than your own. Chronic illnesses, deformaties, jail time etc. Absolutly if you are like me and can’t see yourself in a relationship ever, it sucks, alot. I know what I am talking about here, its a huge thing to do without. But its not the only form of suffering out there, it just seems worse because we experience it personally.



HillsBen
Youth Coordinator
Joined in 2008
June 22, 2008, 21:46

Hey Sandy,


Your response was rather harsh but at the same time I appreciate the flaws you pointed out in my post and your opinion. I take it as a honour to have someone with so much knowledge respond on this forum. We may not always agree but your depth of knowledge and research is indisputable.


I remember Paul’s teaching on singleness well in Romans and I agree that the single life is the best option for some. Sorry I probably shouldn’t have talked about the single life like that. Forgive me Sandy. I didn’t mean it like that. =)


But It is just really hard sometimes when it seems like everyone around you is in a relationship or married or getting married and has a family. I live in the Hills district (aka. bible belt of Sydney) and I grew up in a culture where it is normal to get married and have kids.


I guess this life isn’t fair and I don’t know why I have to struggle with homosexuality while someone else does not BUT I realise that there are much worse things out there than being gay. At least I have food, clothes and shelter. Thank you for bringing me back down to Earth on that one!!


Sandy please be careful in the way you speak to others. I know you mean well but sometimes people don’t see it that way. I am not always right nor do I pretend to be. I am only 20 years old after all and have only been a Christian for 3 years. I, like many others are still working things out and we know that there are so many others that are worse off than us in this world. Most of us can’t doubt that and I, like many others are doing what we can to help those that are worse of. After all, faith without deeds is dead.


Remember that Freedom 2 b[e] is a place of support. For building up people not bringing them down!!!


Have a great week!!! 🙂



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
June 22, 2008, 22:29

I think its okay Ben to be in a place of not knowing. I’ve been there on several issues for years…..but previously genuinely believed I had all the answers. I look back now and see that as spiritual arrogance bathed in ignorance.


I don’t think we get condemned either for making some mistakes along the way whist we are learning how to live our lives the best way.


So dont feel pressured if some of your friends are demanding answers from you……God knows your heart better than anyones……and its not as dark as some people might tell you either…..certainly not from the spirit of the way you’ve been sharing here.



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
June 22, 2008, 22:49

Gee I am sorry Ben! I didn’t mean to upset you. 😥 Sometimes I forget there is an actual person behind these posts. I didn’t mean to be harsh.


Of course we are all doing all we can to help other people. I didn’t want you to feel like I wasn’t reciognising the ligitimacy of your frustrations over being gay, which is why I said several times that it is a big deal. I guess I just know what its like to be stuck in your own head so much that you can’t put your problems into perspective… so that is what I was trying to offer… perspective. Not the perverbial sledge hammer to the heart it obviously was.


I might leave the anxiety over not being able to get married in the ‘I have no idea what I am talking about’ box because I honestly have never experienced it personally, most of the time I just feel greatful. I feel for you though, that must be really tough.



HillsBen
Youth Coordinator
Joined in 2008
June 23, 2008, 00:39

Thanks Sandy and Anthony,


Anthony,

I totally agree with you. It’s ok not to have all the answers. Sometimes I think I get a little ahead of myself. 😆


Sandy,

Thankyou and I completely understand what you meant. Lately I think everything affects me more than it should.


I’ve sent you a pm so read it when you can. 😀


Page:   1 2 3 4
 
WP Forum Server by ForumPress | LucidCrew
Version: 99.9; Page loaded in: 0.078 seconds.