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Gay - 31 - Trying to reconcile sexuality, faith and work

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JP
 
Joined in 2015
January 22, 2015, 01:52

Hi all,


Am turning to these forums for some thoughts and opinions… and support too!


I'm 31, gay, and relatively 'out' (most of my friends know and some of my family… and everyone's been supportive). I grew up in a Christian household and, although I would class myself as Christian, I don't attend church (haven't in a long time) and have recently been struggling to reconcile my faith and my sexuality. I've read some excellent books on this and have participated in a series of workshops so, although I'm not there yet, I'm ok with how this is proceeding and am starting to look at churches in my area that are supportive of my sexuality.


The big problem I am facing at the moment is my job. I work within a non-denominational Christian school that, although they say they will support students with 'non-traditional sexuality choices' (their words), they very clearly state in a policy that being homosexual is a sackable offence. This obviously creates a slight issue for me!!!!!! Although I can continue to live in the closet at work in the short term, I've found it to be a real struggle even with things like Facebook. Last year when I did some volunteer work at Midsumma I was hauled in front of the principal as I'd posted about it on Facebook. Because of things like this, I'm too scared to actively pursue a relationship or becoming more engaged in the gay community (would love to do pride march but can't) just in case something is posted on Facebook. Even attending a gay-friendly church worries me as I'd like to be able to tell people there that I'm gay however I'm worried this would get back to my employer.


Our school has a new principal this year who I've heard from people who have worked with him in the past is pretty ok with issues like this however the board that runs the school is VERY conservative. As much as I'd love to make a scene by barging into a board meeting in full drag with a group of chorus boys behind me, I've got a feeling this isn't the right way to go about things! I am 99% sure that if I were to make it known that I was gay, I'd be shown the door. Although some would say, I should take a stand, it's such a huge risk to take and there is no guarantee I'd pick up another job straight away which is tough when you're paying a home loan by yourself!


Anyway, looking for advice as my holidays are almost finished and I start back next week. I'm worried that things are going to get tougher and tougher as the year goes on and, although I'm planning on applying for a different school as the year progresses with an aim to start in 2016, I did the same at the end of last year to try and get a more accepting employer this year however no luck! So, again, more worries that I'll be stuck working for an employer that forces me to deny who I am.


So, hopefully, my 2am essay makes sense. Needed to speak to someone… even if through the anonymity of the internet!


JP

Chris
Administrator
Joined in 2009
January 22, 2015, 03:19

Welcome to our little corner of the web, JP. Glad you found us!


I'll just jump straight in to the meat of your post – I think it's unfair on yourself to remain in a situation which places such limitations on your personal freedoms. If you feel you can't even engage with the gay community without constant fear of backlash, then something has to give at some point. At the same time though, you have to be pragmatic about it and not burn the bridge before you've even finished walking over it. Right now you have a job that you need, because everyone needs a job. That's just reality.


It sounds to me like you've got your head screwed on pretty straight though, and are handling this. You've already acknowledged both of the above, and your progress with your own acceptance of yourself alongside the support of your friends and family means you're pretty well set up. You've been actively looking (and are continuing to look) for a new job at a more accepting institution. That's exactly what I'd do in the same situation.


You've also mentioned the new principal might be more accepting – this might be another avenue to investigate, though it seems less promising. If others (other staff, I imagine?) are hauling you off to the current principal over your Midsumma attendance, then I imagine that even if the new principal is more accepting, other staff members likely won't be. It sounds like there is a hostile culture there already which would take more than just a new principal to turn around in any reasonable amount of time. That's not going to be healthy for you.


I think applying to other schools in your area (or maybe a bit further afield if the commute is bearable) is really the best option here.

joy
 
Joined in 2013
January 23, 2015, 19:56

Hi, You are not the only one on this forum who works in a Christian School. I encourage you to stay safe. I see my place in a Christian School as one that will, hopefully, bring about change. Maybe one day in a whole school, policy kind of way; but for now, it is that students know that there is one teacher who will stand in the gap for them (word gets around). When I met Bishop Jean Robinson, he told me that change comes one heart at a time.

If FB is causing potential risk, then reduce your friends list, increase your privacy, or discontinue.

If sacking is a threat, then join the IEU (surely it just can't be legal regardless of school policy).

Have trusted family and frinds.

The objective of school and working in that culture is for the students. You might be the difference between one student feeling unsafe in their school, to possibly knowing that they were safe with at least one person.

And…..some Christian Schools will have lots of issues over other things too.


I know my response hasn't addressed your concerns directly, but maybe it has provided an alternative idea until you are possibly able to get to a place where you can be free to be completely you.



joy
 
Joined in 2013
January 23, 2015, 19:58

Please know that you are not alone.



mrg
 
Joined in 2010
January 23, 2015, 21:19

Yep – lots of us stand with you brother.

Michelle
President
Joined in 2008
January 23, 2015, 21:49

Hi JP

Nice to meet you 🙂

I think staying safe is important. I'm an early childhood educator and the area I work in is considered a bit of a 'bible belt' in Melbourne. My co-workers know I'm in a same sex relationship and also some key people on our committee but generally the Kindergarten community doesn't.

I know at times it can be awkward when there are personal questions like…"What does your husband do for work?" etc. but I find a way around it. I suppose there are some times when it bothers me but my personal life is just that, personal and I know who I am and have never felt the need to justify that 🙂

I love what Joy said about students knowing a teacher is there for them. It could mean the world of difference for even one student.

Anyway just a few thoughts.

Michelle

cheval319
 
Joined in 2014
January 24, 2015, 10:34

To the best of my knowledge, faith based schools are exempt from discrimination legislation around LGBTI issues.

So, be careful. If you feel a call to be there, great. If not – do as you are and find a job elsewhere.


On a slightly different note, have you heard of the Safe Schools Coalition?

http://www.safeschoolscoalition.org.au/who-we-are


I have spoken to the local representative here and they can tailor programmes to specific schools. If you could find a clearly striaght supporter to suggest this to the principal, some progress may be made.


Saying they will support the students and sack the teachers is clearly contradictory.

JP
 
Joined in 2015
January 24, 2015, 17:04

Hi all,


Thanks for you supportive words.


As mentioned, Christian schools are able to use the loophole in the anti-discrimination act to discriminate against staff who are part of the LGBTIQ community. Having said that, if things turned sour, I wouldn't go down without a fight! There are a few technicalities based on interpretation of the bible, etc that can be pursued and I'm planning on chatting with the union a little more about this over the coming weeks.


I guess I also have those thoughts that maybe the reason I can't seem to find a more accommodating school is because God has a bigger plan for me in my current location. Even if that plan involves a dialogue starting then it's a beginning for both staff and students to have a much more supportive environment.


As I said, thanks for your supportive comments. I'll keep updating as the term/year progresses and we'll see what happens.


JP 🙂

azza81
 
Joined in 2010
January 25, 2015, 19:26

Thanks for sharing your story

jamesn
 
Joined in 2009
January 26, 2015, 08:58

Hi JP, thanks for being so open & honest in your sharing. Perhaps it is time to look around for another job? You need to be who you are so you can be must you are for those around you. Even though you haven't been to church for years doesn't prevent you from praying, hey it can't do any harm? All the best for 2015, may be it will be a year of change for the better?


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