I haven't grown up in a religious family but I am a Christian convert since 14. Ever since I have tried to reconcile my sexuality and my religion. I would often make up my own rules to bring authority to my position and for a long time I had completely lost my faith in Jesus. For a time I was very depressed and suicidal and I still have my lows.

I did however come out whilst in high school being proud and open to all my friends and family. But my religious life was different and I was still trying to change and be 'normal'. I remember my Dad saying 2 very distinct things; first 'I support you' and second 'you can always change' so it was an extremely conflicting message to hear and has stuck with me since.

I recently found myself involved with ex-gay ministries. I had started a program on 'Setting Captives Free' called 'Door of Hope' and after 1 week I felt that it was the right and honorable thing to do in the name of Jesus, after 2 weeks I was emotionally destroyed. The coarse was ruining my mind and condemning my soul when that's not what I needed. I needed support and love but all I was getting was people telling me sinful and disgusting I was. Soon I began telling myself these things.

I still find myself in cycles of highs and lows but I am understanding more and more each day that God loves me as a gay man, it is how I was created, and it is how I shall be. I thank God for the life I live, good and bad, I wouldn't be the same without it. Despite the stress and general mental discomfort associated with my life I wouldn't change it for anything.

Hey Tim,

It's so awesome you found the freedom2b forum, there is a lot of support in here. You have definitely come to the right place.

I can relate to what you're going through very much. When I was 13 (as back as I can remember) I knew I was different, and I was attracted to guys rather than girls. I thought I was the only one going through all of this, that I was worthless and that I was an 'abomination' as some people love to quote so much from the bible *rolls eyes*. How wrong I was. There are hundreds of thousands of people out there going through this exact thing. As someone said on YouTube, it is like a silent holocaust – but thanks to organisations like 'PFLAG' and the 'It Gets Better' project in particular, there is a lot more awareness about being gay and that it is perfectly normal.

What I have learnt in the past year has blown my mind and changed me so much. I have learnt so many life lessons, but most importantly that God loves me uncondtionally. I now consider it a great gift that He has bestowed upon me and I am very fortunate to be gay. Knowing what I know now, even if I were given the option to change my sexuality to heterosexual, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Growing up in a very religious pentecostal Christian upbringing, I was told that being gay was a sin etc. but I always felt like it was so right. Having feelings for guys is all I have ever known, so how can I know any different? I started doing a LOT of research into why I felt this way, and finally after many months I have come to realize that my being gay is truly a gift from God, and that there is NOTHING wrong with me.

Before this revelation however, for many years I cried myself to sleep, hoping God would change me. I tried to 'pray the gay away' (I kept praying, asking God how he could love all his children except for me, because I was gay – I now know that God loves me just the way I am however, and that it was the ignorance and intolerance of people, and that God was not to blame at all, but it took me a long time to realize that) but praying the gay away didn't work, and although I haven't tried any ex-gay programs myself, from the numerous accounts on these forums, I think it is safe to say they don't work either. I think it is HillsBen who may have been through those programs? And he can testify they don't work, as well as how psychologically damaging those programs are. Another thing is that those who 'claim' to have been freed by the ex-gay programs only changed their conduct, not their actual sexuality.

There is NOTHING wrong with you Tim, please know that.

I will look for some things that have really helped me and may help you too. In the meantime, Wezflash has a whole bunch of helpful links worth looking at:

http://www.wezflash.com/#!links

I will edit this post as soon as I can with all the stuff!

Edit:

Hey Tim, here are all the videos which have helped me tremendously in my sexuality and faith. I hope they help man, things DO get better, and it is perfectly OK to be yourself, & gay, & christian.

The 5 videos below are of Pastor Rob Buckingham from Bayside Church in Australia, and his amazing sermons. This guy is legit, and he goes into detail some of the clobber passages that anti-gay people use so much to condemn LGBT people. These videos really helped my mum in particular with the Sodom and Gomorrah bit that he talks about, and my parents now fully accept me for who I am. Well, they accepted me when I came out to them, but through the tears of my mum, I knew she still didn't fully understand until she saw these videos.

Real Christianity Is Accepting:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DPfql9A_vc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIez3WErnfw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M62T4czN8SY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iv7EwO4f6G8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slfprUmzNVI

Understanding Homosexuality: (this video has some very insightful information and is really worth watching. Including what determines your sexual orientation etc. and for a while I wondered what made me gay, and this video really makes a lot of sense)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSQSx3OCrXQ

Former Ex-Gay leaders apologize (may help with your experience on ex-gay programs, and that they don't work. HillsBen may be of more help on this though as he went through these programs)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDiYeJ_bsQo

Prayers for Bobby trailer: (man this movie had me balling my eyes out at the end. It is about a boy named Bobby who grew up in a Christian upbringing but for the most part his mother was not accepting of his sexuality when the family found out. Through his death, his mother begins to unlearn many things she thought about the bible – the clobber passages as such, and about homosexuality – it's a truly inspiring movie you gotta see)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSee8On2lEQ

Here are the actual parts of the Prayers for Bobby movie if you're interested in watching it (a lot of it is hard to handle but it does get a LOT better near the end):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZLWmFEl9e8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKwwreLRqyQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKt5H__WClg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMPQoXUrkBc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IrqrRM3ex0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3hxop0pHkw

And here are some books that have really helped me in finding the truth of the 6 clobber passages and in coming to terms with my sexuality and faith:

'UnChristian' by David Kinnaman

'The Children Are Free: Reexamining the Biblical Evidence on Same-Sex Relationships' by Rev. Jeff Miner and John Tyler Connoley

Hope that helps man.

God Bless,

Jordan

No worries. Though I'm not as accepting of myself just yet – I still haven't come out to my relatives or my brother, but the day is definitely coming. I hope the videos help you Tim (awesome that you watched Prayers for Bobby already by the way), and feel free to pm me if you have any questions or queries. It's 10:56 pm here so I may not get back to you instantly, but I usually reply within 24 hours.

Also don't hestitate to make a thread on anything that's worrying you or anything you're questioning, because we're all here to help and give advice.

Cheers,

Jordan

Christ can be found in our humanity I think. Does that sound profound or what? After all He became flesh and dwelt amongst us.

one of the lessons I have learnt in life is to love my humanity with all its failings, limitations, shorcomings…..its me….not perfect….just a human being trying to live the best I can and leave this world a better place for having visiting here.

Hi Tim

Welcome form me also! 🙂

There's lots of good posts here and resources, especially from Jordan. Impressive list there, Jordan. 🙂 That will keep you busy going through that lot, Tim! 🙂

Anthony Venn Brown said:

Christ can be found in our humanity I think. Does that sound profound or what? After all He became flesh and dwelt amongst us. One of the lessons I have learnt in life is to love my humanity with all its failings, limitations, shortcomings…..it's me….not perfect….just a human being trying to live the best I can and leave this world a better place for having visiting here.

Yes couldn't agree more. I love this quote: " "Do not remain in sorrow and doubt, for his Grace will guide and comfort you. He is calling upon us to become fully human," Mary Magdalene, The Gospel of Mary Magdalene ~The Gnostic Gospels.

In the Gnostic traditions, to be fully human or fully ourselves, as we were made to be, leads us toward wholeness and being fully divine. The Gnostics were all about seeking self knowledge and greater awareness that was grounded in experience and I really like that way of being. From my own journey of personal development, I can testify to the fact that life really does get better and better the more we are true to ourselves. I believe that Christ can be found there.

Blessings,

Ann Maree