It's so awesome you found the freedom2b forum, there is a lot of support in here. You have definitely come to the right place.
I can relate to what you're going through very much. When I was 13 (as back as I can remember) I knew I was different, and I was attracted to guys rather than girls. I thought I was the only one going through all of this, that I was worthless and that I was an 'abomination' as some people love to quote so much from the bible *rolls eyes*. How wrong I was. There are hundreds of thousands of people out there going through this exact thing. As someone said on YouTube, it is like a silent holocaust – but thanks to organisations like 'PFLAG' and the 'It Gets Better' project in particular, there is a lot more awareness about being gay and that it is perfectly normal.
What I have learnt in the past year has blown my mind and changed me so much. I have learnt so many life lessons, but most importantly that God loves me uncondtionally. I now consider it a great gift that He has bestowed upon me and I am very fortunate to be gay. Knowing what I know now, even if I were given the option to change my sexuality to heterosexual, I wouldn't change it for the world.
Growing up in a very religious pentecostal Christian upbringing, I was told that being gay was a sin etc. but I always felt like it was so right. Having feelings for guys is all I have ever known, so how can I know any different? I started doing a LOT of research into why I felt this way, and finally after many months I have come to realize that my being gay is truly a gift from God, and that there is NOTHING wrong with me.
Before this revelation however, for many years I cried myself to sleep, hoping God would change me. I tried to 'pray the gay away' (I kept praying, asking God how he could love all his children except for me, because I was gay – I now know that God loves me just the way I am however, and that it was the ignorance and intolerance of people, and that God was not to blame at all, but it took me a long time to realize that) but praying the gay away didn't work, and although I haven't tried any ex-gay programs myself, from the numerous accounts on these forums, I think it is safe to say they don't work either. I think it is HillsBen who may have been through those programs? And he can testify they don't work, as well as how psychologically damaging those programs are. Another thing is that those who 'claim' to have been freed by the ex-gay programs only changed their conduct, not their actual sexuality.
There is NOTHING wrong with you Tim, please know that.
I will look for some things that have really helped me and may help you too. In the meantime, Wezflash has a whole bunch of helpful links worth looking at:
I will edit this post as soon as I can with all the stuff!
Hey Tim, here are all the videos which have helped me tremendously in my sexuality and faith. I hope they help man, things DO get better, and it is perfectly OK to be yourself, & gay, & christian.
The 5 videos below are of Pastor Rob Buckingham from Bayside Church in Australia, and his amazing sermons. This guy is legit, and he goes into detail some of the clobber passages that anti-gay people use so much to condemn LGBT people. These videos really helped my mum in particular with the Sodom and Gomorrah bit that he talks about, and my parents now fully accept me for who I am. Well, they accepted me when I came out to them, but through the tears of my mum, I knew she still didn't fully understand until she saw these videos.
Real Christianity Is Accepting:
Understanding Homosexuality: (this video has some very insightful information and is really worth watching. Including what determines your sexual orientation etc. and for a while I wondered what made me gay, and this video really makes a lot of sense)
Former Ex-Gay leaders apologize (may help with your experience on ex-gay programs, and that they don't work. HillsBen may be of more help on this though as he went through these programs)
Prayers for Bobby trailer: (man this movie had me balling my eyes out at the end. It is about a boy named Bobby who grew up in a Christian upbringing but for the most part his mother was not accepting of his sexuality when the family found out. Through his death, his mother begins to unlearn many things she thought about the bible – the clobber passages as such, and about homosexuality – it's a truly inspiring movie you gotta see)
Here are the actual parts of the Prayers for Bobby movie if you're interested in watching it (a lot of it is hard to handle but it does get a LOT better near the end):
And here are some books that have really helped me in finding the truth of the 6 clobber passages and in coming to terms with my sexuality and faith:
'UnChristian' by David Kinnaman
'The Children Are Free: Reexamining the Biblical Evidence on Same-Sex Relationships' by Rev. Jeff Miner and John Tyler Connoley
Hope that helps man.