Gay Male Singapore City Harvest Church - charismatic

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Joined in 2005
May 13, 2006, 00:03

About Me.

On Christmas eve, 1998, a young man was playing guitar alone outside the closed roller shutter doors of one of the most well known churches in Singapore then located at Payar Lebar. Worshiping God, he was in tears. He was waiting for Cell group friends to celebrate the Christmas countdown. But on this festive occasion, there were just tears as the man sat worshipping God outside the closed church doors.

Many years earlier, he knew that he was gay and was attracted to guys. But sincerely seeking a normal life, he went for relationships with girl friends. Many were good friends but there was never the biological urge. It became good friendships only. Sitting outside, the church doors, it finally dawned onto him that He is getting old and perhaps He may never have a family which he so strongly desired.

As the man stood playing ‘I love you Lord?’, more tears came streaming down his cheeks. It was difficult to love God. It cost a lot – to have faith. For in a stroke of injustice, he was 5% of the population who is Gay despite not wanting it. There was a slim chance of only 1 in 20. But what ill fate? To be alone, to live in a closet that no one knows. To cry every night for God to take away this torn yet He did not. The sense of loneliness grips His heart. There was no one to turn to. It was Christmas for others for not for him.

That night, as the man played and sang ‘What a friend we have in Jesus?’, it was a hope that Jesus was with Him for He seems so far away. His friends could rejoice for they are straight, but for him, it marked a life lost, a death of dreams of hopes. There have been many previous dreams. Attending bible college was one of them but that was not completed due to church and work commitments. When accepted as a missionary to a foreign land, but at the last moment withdrawn for it felt not God’s will. These were minor deaths. But tonight, His whole life, His dreams to be a blessing for the work of God is no more. He would live and die a quiet life, a wasted life just because he is gay. But tonight, as he worshipped God, there was seemingly a very strong presence of God comforting him.

He knew that with the strong condemnation of homosexuality at this church, he must soon leave for the roller shutter doors of the church have shut forever for him. He would leave behind friends, loved ones…. to find himself. … to be alone with God. 🙁


Joined in 2006
July 30, 2006, 21:29

Thank you for sharing your story Lamb. I can relate. There is a lot of grief, there is a sense of loss. I am told there is also hope. Personally, I am still looking for it.

Peace be with you.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
August 4, 2006, 00:49

HI Cornelious and lamb

below is one of my favourite quotes.

i wonder if you relate to this at all.


“People who exist at the margins of society are very much like Alice in Wonderland. They are not required to make the tough decision to risk their lives by embarking on an adventure of self-discovery. They have already been thrust beyond the city’s walls that keep ordinary people at a safe distance from the unknown. For at least some outsiders, “alienation” has destroyed traditional presumptions of identity and opened up the mythic hero’s path to the possibility of discovery. What outsiders discover in their adventures on the other side of the looking glass is the courage to repudiate self-contempt and recognise their “alienation” as a precious gift of freedom from arbitrary norms that they did not make and did not sanction. At the moment a person questions the validity of the rules, the victim is no longer a victim.”

“The Mythology of Transgression – Homosexuality as a Metaphor”

by Jamake Highwater

Joined in 2006
October 31, 2006, 01:49

G’day buddy!

Your story really struck me. I know exactly what it feels like to wait for God to ‘fix’ you so that you can be a part of his church. I know what it feels like to try to give everything over and still fall short. But can I tell you what I found? God isn’t just the church. Even though, most times, that’s the only place we’ve ever found him, that’s not the only place he exists.

I tried being a missionary and spent more hours at church than I spent away from it at one stage, but in the end I realised that by being so dedicated, I was just trying to prove to God that I was worthy of his love. And, personally, in the end it turns out that he loved me all along, just the way I am. It was me who was having trouble loving me, not God.

Can I encourage you to talk to God on the level; not as an evil sinnner, but as one of his kids who loves him and wants to do right by him. Ask him if you have anything to be guilty about and see what he says. Sometimes it’s incredibly hard to shut out the voices and opinions of people that have condemmed us in the past, but if you can, pretend that that hasn’t happened, just for a second, and ask God what HE thinks about you.

Let me know how you go 🙂

God bless you heaps buddy!


Jordan River
Joined in 2006
November 2, 2006, 17:58

Loved your words.

Am in NZ but I watch Kong Hee here every week.

Soon I am sure someone like you will be a witness to him and Harvest for gay love and being a human being created gay by God.

Here is a chorus we used to sing in church for your encoragement and enjoyment.

God Bless you in Jesus’ name,

the River Jordan

The Servant Song (Brother, Let Me Be Your Servant)

Words and Music by Richard Gillard

Brother, let me be your servant

Let me be as Christ to you

Pray that I may have the grace

To let you be my servant, too

We are pilgrims on a journey

We are brothers on the road

We are here to help each other

Walk the mile and bear the load

I will hold the Christlight for you

In the night-time of your fear

I will hold my hand out to you

Speak the peace you long to hear

I will weep when you are weeping

When you laugh I’ll laugh with you

I will share your joy and sorrow

Till we’ve seen this journey through

When we sing to God in heaven

We shall find such harmony

Born of all we’ve known together

Of Christ’s love and agony

Brother, let me be your servant

Let me be as Christ to you

Pray that I may have the grace

To let you be my servant, too

© 1977 Scripture in Song

Joined in 2005
December 20, 2006, 00:51

you sound like you are in the middle of your journey… it is awful huh! Many times i said to myself- just die, kill yourself it will go away. Many times i thought about trying to continuing to pretend but in the end. I chose the harder less travelled path… of truth freedom and eventually joy.

I know it sounds like rubbish, but eventually you find peace, joy etc. It takes a long time.

I ask if your going to a church or if you have found one??? I know of one in Singapore… you can private message me if you need to find one… You dont have to be in a place of believing of peace with God, but the community of accepting loving people sure helps…

Im sorry the journey seems endless, but it is not… i promise you that!

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
December 28, 2006, 08:53

Hey lamb……we haven’t heard from you in a while. I was wondering how things were going with you.

Joined in 2005
September 24, 2007, 01:12

Thanks avb, Forgger, Jordon River for your encouraging words and support.

Scripture in Songs was my favourite and thankyou “Jordon River”, for the full lyrics of “Brother let me be your servant”. I am truly touched. My journey has been difficult, but it is a journey that allows oneself to embrace others – to just be there for my new found Gay Christian Friends in Singapore as we journey on this life, not in judgement but being as Christ to one and all, and upholding them when they are down and out! which happens a lot actually.

The greatest challenge is always to find oneself after being so closeted and needing to rebuild one’s life. But the only way, is looking outward to be as Christ to others being the channel of the move of the Holy Spirit to show forth God’s Love, mercy and Grace.

God is good and He is sovereign. I was in a neigbouring country which had its first gay Christian service. “Somehow” I was asked to read the bible reading for the day in the service Luke 4:16-19. As I read, God’s healing/Spirit came upon me. It was such an honor that God honored me to read the bible verse for this historic service. But having the infilling of the Holy Spirit coming upon me until I could hardly stand was really amazing – as if to be commissioned to be used by God.

(Luke 4:17-19 ) And He was handed the book of the prophet Isaiah. And when He had opened the book, He found the place where it was written:

“The Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed; To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD.”

May God bless Freedom2b, and as we seek first the kingdom of God, true freedom will come not by might nor by power but by His Spirit. May the comfort and the presence of the Holy Spirit be with you, now and forever.


Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
September 24, 2007, 08:27

thanks Lamb for the update…..glad to hear that things are moving along.

Did you hear the recent uproar over the sermons on homosexuality preached at Christ our Saviour church in Singapore.

Joined in 2006
September 24, 2007, 16:23

Really? Id like to hear more about that too.

Lamb, that is soo awesome you were asked to read, its awesome being doused by the Holy Spirit, it always refreshes and invigorates all over again. I hope you get to read and spread the love and acceptable year of the Lord that we live in, where ever you go. God has and is going to keep blessing you within yourself richly, I just know it, so you can share it with others in wisdom and saftey.

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