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Heartbroken - think I'm in love with my best friend

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miss.muppet
 
Joined in 2011
April 21, 2013, 08:42

Hi hello! Been a while since I've been here & I've lived much & learnt lots. Also made some new friends along the way which I am very thankful for. And there's always something to be thankful for.


Now I'm in a bit of a quandary…by bi friend & I have enjoyed each others company for a while now & we know each other so well, we just clicked. She's my best friend. She has 2 lovely young children & recently found a lovely Christian man she wants to spend her life with. So I've totally backed off & told her I need to give them space….but what is this that I feel? Love & hate at the same time? I feel lost without her but just feel like I don't want to see her ever again! Crazy!!!


Never felt this before. But somehow I feel like I've done the right thing. Not sure if I'm asking for any advice here, or just reassurance that the pain of this will pass? I hope to remain friends again down the track somewhere. Is it possible? Thanks for listening.

Mother Hen
 
Joined in 2011
April 21, 2013, 15:52

Hey Miss Muppet, So wonderful to hear from you 🙂 I often think about you and wonder how you are going. You are regularly in my prayers.


That is so wonderful you have found a person that you have clicked with and become great friends. I commend you on giving your friend and her new man some space, very considerate of you. Don't give them too much space though, there is no reason why you and your friend can't remain very close friends.


I think it would be quite normal when you have a close friendship, bond and spend a lot of time with someone and then another person comes along and takes some of the attention to be a little hurt and resentful to the newcomer (in this case the new man) and your friend. You can feel left out, pushed aside, not important any more, feel lost, miss their company, hurt, rejected, resentment etc. After all it sounds like she was a big part of your life. These things often have a way of working themselves out over time, as each person finds their place in the relationship. Is it possible that you have never felt like this before because you haven't has such a close friend.


The title of your post is "I think I'm in love with my best friend" maybe you need to work out if you are indeed in love or if you just miss the closeness, companionship, etc that comes with a close friendship. That then might help put your feeling into perspective.


All the best, Keep in touch 🙂

miss.muppet
 
Joined in 2011
April 21, 2013, 20:05

Hello Mother Hen – lovely to hear from you. You are so kind. I guess you may be right. Maybe it is just the close friendship I miss. And it's true that I haven't had a close friend like her, & she actually enjoys being with me as much as i, her! It's been a really nice season for me. She is the closest girl friend that I've had that knows about my same sex attraction & isn't judgemental or grossed out.


Anyway, I know that I definitely need more friends in my life so……..have to go out there & trust again! It's hard going. I find it hard anyway. But we all need people in our lives yeah? See how it goes. Thanks for being here to talk to. I appreciate it.

Michelle
President
Joined in 2008
April 22, 2013, 19:26

Hi Miss muppet

It's nice to hear from you again 🙂 as mother hen has already said it is really nice that you have made some new friends and one in particular that you click with. Although she is entering a new relationship it's probably good to stay connected with her, unless it proves too uncomfortable for you of course. A good friend can be hard to find and you seem to have found a good one so hang in there!

It certainly sounds like you are in a much happier place which is wonderful to hear:) the fact that you have been able to feel such strong feelings is beautiful and can reveal to you what could be possible in your future. Take care.

Michelle

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
April 23, 2013, 07:42

Hi Miss Muppet

Lovely to hear from you again. 🙂

I wonder if the line between close friendships and romantic relationships can sometimes blur for some of us? And if that's the case it would be hard to know what the relationship is to you. That said, it certainly sounds like this connection is very important to you.

As Mother Hen and Michelle have said it is great that you have this close friendship and understandable that you would feel a bit left out at the moment.

Hope all is well otherwise with you.

Blessings,

Ann Maree

miss.muppet
 
Joined in 2011
April 23, 2013, 20:39

Thanks so much for the encouragement & kindness. I spoke to my friend today after a few weeks break. And I'm amazed that she understood some of my questioning of my feelings etc. But you know, I truly think she is as a sister to me. And she missed my company too! It's really nice to have a close friend, but I must still continue to work on my other friendships, don't want to become unhealthily dependant.


But for now, I'm feeling better about it! Communication in a friendship is always a good thing.


Think I'm happy to forget about wanting a partner for now, like to work on my friendships.


Thanks again. xo
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