Thats quite an interesting question.
The answer I would suggest to you is that you need to work out the answer that feels right to you. I will share some of my Journey and observations – but I have seen a number of people I highly admire and respect come to a number of different answers on this question and I dont think that necessarily any of them are wrong.
So this is my non professional middle aged opinion on the matter.
Are sexual urges a Sin ? No I dont think so.
For a start – in the old testament – it was OK to go to prostitutes (and I can cite off the top two cases for this – Tamar – who DISGUISED herself as a prostitute and seduced Judah and also Rahab who despite being a prostitute is listed as an ancestor of Jesus, a person of Faith in Hebrews and of Good Works in James ) AND it was OK to have many wives and concubines (so a concubine is NOT the same as marriage) so thats having sex OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE.
So if you are willing to accept that God made you Gay – (as Im whilling to accept it was no choice of mine and thats just the way that I was put together) then my thinking is that my sexual urges are just a part of me.
Like anything we need to manage them. (I know .. how is the question ?)
We need to eat healthy (OK I have a tendency towards certain foods that perhaps I should eay less off) and and not over eat ( or else we risk health problems or maybe the sin of gluttony – hows that for an old fashioned sin)
And our sexual urges are like eating – some people make great Vegetarians – and never miss meat.
My father tried many times – even under many different experts – and each time – he ended up ill – his metabolism needs meat.
As Paul says – some people can be celibate – but some can't.
And for someone who has no trouble with celibacy to say to someone with a really high libido – this is how you should manage it – its not a ideal situation.
I know – I tried – many times – and I couldnt manage it. <blush>
As to How to manage it – eventually I met a partner and Ive been with them for nearly 14 years now.
I am sorry you had a "bad experience". Sadly that can happen.
and I guess Ive made my share of mistakes – learned some Valuable lessons (some of which I cant really talk about in public either)
So I guess I would boil things down to a number of thoughts
Take small steps
I dont think God obsesses over sex or the small stuff the way people think he does…. (Think about it – Jesus spent his TIME with the sinners etc out of preference – and as I mentioned above the bible is cool with prostitutes – despite the message some try to present)
God will forgive if you make a mistake (well dont blaspheme the holy spirit but apart from that – he is a God of forgiveness).. Im not saying do something you FEEL is wrong – but what I am saying is relax a little to what your body says.
Remember to keep a balance – sexual release (how ever you find it) is very freeing – and Ive found that its not uncommon for people who deal with this question (or a pentecostal background etc) often end up with a sex or porn addiction (even pentecostal ministers are known for it funnily enough) and its because we tried to keep it bottled up for so long – then when it escapes we run around like a kid in a candy store…. (and thats OK but keep safe dont let it take over or go on too long. )
I would suggest contacting maybe the local AIDS council (if there is one) in your area. The ones here often have workshops for people "coming out" that deal with how to safely cope with things like the internet, STDs (which are not Gods Judgement but still its better deal from knowdge on such matters) and other options for "release" and even if they dont have a course – they just may have some one you can talk to privately that can provide you with ideas which will be both helpful and not cross any limits you dont want to cross (now or later)
The other suggestion is a GP – whether yours – OR if you dont want to see yours on this topic go see one in the local "Gay village" (Thats a phase from one of my favourite movies Mambo Italiano) Any GP with lots of Gay Patients will be very cool and hip on this subject. (find a local gay paper – Gay medical centres will advertise in there I would think. At least they do here….
Hope that is helpful. Let me know if its not clear or feel free to PM me.