In the past, I have struggled to introduce my boyfriends to my family – particularly my mother. Fortunately, it is not a problem for me now, as she met my last few boyfriends, and they were always invited around for dinner or I would often find them chatting away about something – even about me. :bigsmile:

But I know from experience, that this is a really difficult situaton to face up to, especially, if we have believed in the expected ‘normal hetrosexual’ love story plot – where you ‘meet someone (usually from church) – introduce them to your family – get engaged and then get married and then later having kids’. :~

I know for quite awhile, I was afraid to introduce my boyfriends, as my new relationship didn’t fit the mold, and I was afraid of disappointing my family. I suppose it is all part of that old guilt thing.

I have two gay friends who are a couple, and their parents are, are often sitting / talking together at family get togethers, and are often ringing each other at other times. It sort of reminded me of Ben and Sam’s parents at Mardi Gras 2011 this year. It was simply beautiful to watch. 🙂

Anyway, this topic might be of interest to others as well.

🙂 Hi

Sam’s mum here. Thank you for the compliment. My husband Harry and I just clicked with Phyll & Mike (Ben’s parents) when we first met them at Christmas time and have met socially a few times since then. We felt like we had known them forever. Ben’s mum is actually from where we live and she went to school with my sister.

For me personally, I think if you accept your gay sibling, then you will also accept their partner/boyfriend/girlfriend. From a parent perspective, it is not up to us to criticise who you choose to go out with as ultimately it is only your decision and a parent should respect that. I guess it is a very nervous time for everyone when they first introduce partners/boyfriends/girlfriends to parents no matter what their orientation. I too have been there many years ago (if I can remember way back then) lol.

I think if your partner/boyfriend/girlfriend is friendly towards your parents and just chats to them, then that will give the parents the impression that the partner/boyfriend/girlfriend is interested in also getting to know them and the family too. Dinners or bbq’s are always good to introduce new people at because there’s usually more than just you and your family there and more conversation opens up.

Bye for now

Helen

hey wayne…..you have come along way haven’t you

http://throughthestorm.wordpress.com/2009/07/04/reflections-on-attending-my-first-freedom-2-be-meeting/

I think my advice would be brief and simple.

the more chilled out you are….the less of an issue it is for you……the more normal you make it…….then you create a space for you kids to experience the same.

Possibly the first question could be…….is this about you and your need to let you children see that their gay dad is really gay……is it that your children are inquiring…….when kids are ready then they are ready……if we force the issue its like breaking a chicken out of the egg before it is ready to be birthed…….you dont get a chicken……just a mess

How old are the kids

Hi Wayne,

Thanks for your questions about introducing your kids to your boyfriend. It is wonderful that you have found someone, and have this relationship, in which to enjoy your new freedom as a gay man. I agree with AVB and Ann Maree about exploring the reasons that you might have for introducing your children to your boyfriend and the new relationship that you have with him, at this particular point. Timing is so important with these things.

I am reminded of something that my sister said to me, when I told her that I was gay, and that I was going to tell my mother. My sister was incredibly supportive and non judgemental at all – but she said to me, ‘You have had years to get used to the idea of being gay. You will need to give us time to get use to it as well’. In hindsight, I understand what she was saying.

Having spoken to some of the other people on this forum about coming out to family – whether they are parents, siblings or children – I really believe that there is a coming out process for their families as well.

One of my best friends, came out of a marriage of 20 years, and he had two sons. He had told them that he was and had always been gay, and split from his wife and his son’s mother. Not long after coming out, as he began to explore what it was all about to be a gay man, he started a relationship with a guy, which is now in its 4th year. Both of his son’s were initially open to their dad being gay. However, about 6 months later, the younger one, who was 17 at the time, suddenly began to shut down the lines of communication with his dad – became resentful and stopped visiting, etc. It took about 12 – 24 months in this case – but eventually my friend and his son, were able to, after a lot of chats, and even some serious arguments, to work through his son’s concerns.

There are a lot of reasons why ‘coming out’ is still a big deal. I suppose it is a lot like the dust settling after a really big storm. Eventually, the air clears and we can see the sun shining and the blue sky again.

Anyway, I look forward to hearing more about how things are going with you. 🙂