“You are an apple. Some people do not like apples. You can try and be a grape to keep them happy, but you will never be a good grape because you are an apple.”
I HAVE FOUND HAPPINESS IN EMBRACING WHO I AM AS A GAY MAN WHO LOVES JESUS.
Here is my story:
1. THE GRAPE TRIES TO BECOME AN APPLE. (Aged 12 – 35)
I became a Christian at age 12 and it was a highlight of my life. Around the same time I had my first sexual experiences with boys . …. not bad either!
But as my faith grew, I was “helped” to understand that homosexuality is a not a good thing.
When I was 21, I attended a church seminar where I was told I could change from gay to straight and that ” it would be easy”.
Elated I went into church ministry, got married and had children. I attended a support group designed to help me change or at least manage. The group was caring, some of the teaching was helpful but the apple never became a grape.
When I found the courage to tell church leaders that I was gay, I was warned to keep it a secret.
2. PRETENDING TO BE A GRAPE. (Aged 35-39)
I decided to pretend. I kept up all appearances and even hid from my wife that I was falling apart. This life of deep dishonesty left me fat, depressed and near suicidal. It was during this time that I faced the fact that I could not change.
3. FACING THE FACT I AM AN APPLE. (Aged 39)
I could no longer hide from the truth. It was horrible telling my wife and kids I was leaving. It was a painful time. .. it was a time of great rejection from my church world. … but it was a liberating time. I moved out, got a flat and began my new life. … not at 18 but at 40 … as a gay man.
4. EMBRACING THE FACT I AM AN APPLE. (Aged 40)
I cannot begin to describe the peace and freedom I feel to embrace myself as a gay man. Not to mention falling in love with another man … his embrace, his kisses, his love.
It is a pity so many followers of Jesus have got it so very wrong.
It is a cruel lie to believe that sexual orientation can be changed.
I no longer hate who I am.
I embrace it.
I CELEBRATE IT!
I know Jesus smiles on me and I smile back at him.
May these words encourage those with stories like mine.
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