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I'm a 17 year old gay male, out to one person, miserable.

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Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
January 13, 2010, 19:51

Hyde


That’s such good news. I’m really happy to hear you’re getting positive responses. Yay!!


Michelle, it is a great community isn’t it? Nice to hear it touches you like that. Happy New Year BTW!


And yes, Penny, it does make a huge difference to have friends alongside to support in our journeys. On that note, in another thread, I think you recommended your church as a highly supportive community. You seemed really thrilled to be there. How’s that going?


Blessings to all,


Ann Maree

HydeLeach
 
Joined in 2009
January 14, 2010, 14:09

Guys, I love you all so much, and I thank you all so much for your help!

I will continue to keep you updated, I may need you soon!

Reason is, I might tell my friend Tim. He’s a guy, obviously, and I’m weary of his response.

But, more frighteningly is my family. I can tolerate if Tim backs away. But I can’t tolerate it if I lose my family.

Continue to pray for me, because I think that God really just might be on my side in this.


Lots of love,

And even more,


Hyde

Myfanwe
 
Joined in 2007
January 14, 2010, 15:53

You’re in my prayers as you continue your journey Hyde.



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
January 14, 2010, 16:33

thanks for the update Hyde……I believe you and gettingthere have been having some good discussions.

Pentatropics
 
Joined in 2009
January 14, 2010, 18:33

Wow Hyde !


Your journey is amazing and heartbreaking and hopeful all at once. My heart is in my mouth as it unfolds and you, my friend, are in my prayers!


I remember 4 February 1992 as the day I came out to my parents at age 17. It was the most scary thing I ever had to do. It was before the internet. I had no one at all for back up. The internet and Freedom 2 be in particular are a blessing.


I really agree that you should only come out to your folks when you have a back up plan in place – including someone who is expecting you that very day to go stay with them for a while if things go badly. From experience, let me also promise you that there will never be a moment as hard or upsetting for you after the event, as the moment you first tell them and they first react. What you will find is that there is something of a pain transferrance. By coming out, you will transfer some of your pain onto your parents. You will feel relieved and liberated even if they take it as bad as you fear. They will feel emotionally pained, confused and all of that. Never stop praying for them and their healing. It’s not their fault. But also do not feel guilty about the pain transferance, as they are as much involved in this as you are. This is something which is happening to all of you, not something you’re choosing to do to them.


If I can just be so presumptuous as to give you a scripture the Lord has placed on my heart for my own life in very recent times, also dealing with rejection in christian circles. Perhaps it will help you as well. The essence of the message is to guard your heart and be careful what you say in the heat of the moment. It’s always better to say nothing until you’ve really thought it through, than to say something designed to be hurtful or malicious just because you’re hurting. Not that you’d necessarily do that Hyde, but it’s something I have found myself wanting to do:


The scripture is Proverbs 15:28


The heart of the righteous studies how to answer, But the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil.


Take the high ground – let yourself be the righteous (i.e. Godly) one who is carefully reflecting on what to say and guarding your lips. That will strengthen your Spirit and God will stand with you.


Good luck brother – keeping you in intense prayer – and try your best to pray yourself for your parents before, during and after your eventual coming out – that they may be guided by the Holy Spirit to be measured, calm and respectful in their response to you.


Peace and love in Him!


Ryan

gettingthere
 
Joined in 2008
January 14, 2010, 23:51

Hyde! Yay! I was about to tell you to update everyone and then I came here and find you had posted yourself. 🙂 Good on you. As I’m sure you already know, I have been nothing but encouraged by you and I love hearing about your progress. I also really appreciate having you as a friend. 🙂 Yay Hyde! 😀


Glad to hear that you might tell Tim. I think that’s really cool. But not just that you would tell him, but that you would be comfortable enough with yourself and your situation that you have reached the point where you are considering that – it reveals a lot of progress on your part. 🙂 As for your family, it’s hard. I still think you are doing the right thing by not telling them at this point. Down the road, yes, but definitely not now. Under “normal circumstances” (whatever that means), I wouldn’t encourage someone to stay closeted, but in your case, the wise thing to do would be to not tell them until you are independent. And if you can find a viable, non-stupid way to become independent sooner rather than later (as in get out of your house and live by yourself) you may want to seriously consider that option.


(BTW, when are you going to tell MICHELLE?!? lol.)


All for now. Hopefully we’ll be able to talk again sometime soon. 🙂

HydeLeach
 
Joined in 2009
January 16, 2010, 17:34

Michelle has been told 🙂

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
January 16, 2010, 17:45

Hi Hyde


And did it go well with Michelle?


Ann Maree

HydeLeach
 
Joined in 2009
April 18, 2010, 15:46

Things went well michelle.

Since then, I have come out to many more people. I am now almost completely out.

But tonight is a whole other story… I told my parents, and they attacked me so hard. The screamed, sobbed, and stomped. They refused to hug me after the fight. They told me I was sick, that God wouldn’t be with me on this. That they would never be okay with it. That I would get hurt.

They said things will never be the same.


I am hurt, but I feel strong. They said nothing I wasn’t ready for.

And I feel that they’re wrong; I feel I’m on the path God set for me.

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
April 18, 2010, 17:13

Hey HydeLeach


It’s good to hear from you again although I’m really sorry your parents reacted that way. Well done for remaining strong. You are on the right path…And their reaction is really about them, where they’re at and how they process things rather than you. In an emotionally charged and hurtful scenario such as this one, it can be especially hard to maintain objectivity and tempting to wrongly blame ourselves. It’s not your fault. And perhaps they’re doing the best they can despite it being a less than ideal response..Just know that the way they’re behaving is about their issues and environment even though your news was a trigger. We always have a choice as to how we respond and this is theirs and theirs alone. You didn’t make them like that. Get what I mean?


And in their own way, they probably mean well..It’s like good friends of mine once told my then husband and I we were going to hell for choosing to divorce. They sobbed and pleaded but we still got divorced. I recall saying to my husband: “Just as well we’re as strong as we are otherwise we might not be able to see a way out..” And now divorce isn’t questioned much in the church. It’s certainly not the taboo it once was. Being part of the LGBT community will also be a non issue for the church in time. Your parents say they won’t change but they probably will.. There are always seasons and change – that much we can be sure of. It may take a while though and they are entitled to the time it takes just as we needed that in our journeys toward self acceptance.. But even if they don’t change, your happiness is not dependent on that. The truth is what sets us free and being untrue to ourselves will never bring the happiness and peace that God wants for us.


You will be OK, HydeLeach. And I’m proud of you! 🙂


Keep talking to us.


Blessings,


Ann Maree
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