I'm a 17 year old gay male, out to one person, miserable.

Page:   1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Joined in 2009
April 18, 2010, 21:18

Stay strong Hyde!!

I can understand how a parent reacts with their gut rather than their head (I am one!!). They will calm down- and the topic will come up again. maybe there’s something positive that you can give them to read or look at that will help them consider the issues?

Respond positively to them, even if they are being ‘difficult’ with you- assure them that you love them and respond to their needs (without backing down).

praying for you.


Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
April 18, 2010, 21:58

I’m very sad to hear that your parents have reacted this way Hyde

After our disclosure we have thrust them on a journey not of their choosing. Just as we didn’t choose our sexuality and are forced on a journey to resolve it.

Everything we have been through they will most likely go through as well.

So this will include things like

  1. As we denied our homosexuality they will deny that you are truly gay

  2. As we hated our homosexuality they will hate our homosexuality or even us when we identify as gay

  3. As we tried to suppress or reject our homosexuality so they will try and suppress it or reject us

  4. As we tried to bargain ways around accepting the truth about ourselves so they will try and bargain ways out of it.

  5. As we have come to accept out homosexuality so they hopefully will come to a point of acceptance.

  6. As some of us have come to a point of celebration and sense of pride about our homosexuality hopefully will come to a point of celebration and sense of pride about us.

It took us years to get through this ourselves…….most straight friends and family members need time as well.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
April 18, 2010, 22:26

That’s a great way of putting it, avb. 🙂 It’s a gracious way, and true, but requires patience. The difficulty of facing all that stuff again externally after the pain of working through it within, is no small thing…. But as you say, just as we progressed to acceptance and celebration, there is every chance they can too. And Hyde has made a path they can follow which perhaps makes it a tiny bit easier..

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
April 18, 2010, 22:31

Hyde, Rivers raises a good point (as he does regarding many things! 🙂 ) about living conditions. Are you living at home with your parents, and if so, is there a friend’s place you can go to for a while?

Joined in 2008
April 18, 2010, 22:31

Hi HydeLeach,

I just read your story from beginning to end and saw you just came out to your parents. How are you feeling now? I think you are very brave.

You said you feel strong. That’s good. But I know the negative words and all the emotion takes a toll. Over the next few days be sure to get lots of support from your supportive friends. Don’t bottle it up. And get lots of rest and eat well. Stay at a friend or relatives place if it gets too much. I’m sure you love your family but you have every right to life and love and to be treated with dignity and respect. In NZ we have an independent youth benefit designed specifically to support GLBT teens 16 or 17 years old who can’t live with their parents after they come out. There may be similar support available in your state too if worst comes to worst, but we pray God will turn things around for you with your parents.

When I came out to my Mum she was much more negative than I hoped and took it bad for several months until she let the Lord open her eyes. She said a lot of things in person and emails that were very hurtful so I eventually had to tell her to stop. You don’t have to listen to insults or things that are in any way detrimental to your wellbeing. In the two weeks after I came out to her I couldn’t concentrate very well. I accidently crashed a car (her car, oops), and knocked over an expensive vase at an art store. I can laugh now, but the negative words were playing over in my mind all the time. I speak protection over your mind and heart during this time.

For me, it took hearing the opposite words from anointed men and women to heal my heart and mind. 

That you, as a gay guy, are created in the image of God, perfectly normal, and the apple of God’s eye.

That you are loved and accepted, just as you are. And good things are in store for you. There is a wonderful life ahead of you. Being both gay and Christian, you have the best of both worlds, and are truly blessed. 

God’s nature has been misrepresented by religion claiming the name of Jesus but “God is Love”, that’s what Jesus came to reveal, and you know that Jesus said “He who comes to me I will in no way reject.” You know in your heart that Jesus would never say the things some “Christians” say. But they just don’t understand. We forgive them because we know they don’t know what they’re doing to us. For centuries people have screwed up in their understanding of sexuality, but God’s love for GLBT, the bible’s “eunuchs from the womb”, has always been active and alive, reaching out to us all, comforting our hearts and bringing peace to the storm.

Let us know how this week goes for you man. We are all praying for you and the Holy Spirit is watching over and protecting you. You are loved and accepted, and I believe God will work on your behalf to bring your parents round in time. 


Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
April 22, 2010, 00:12

That’s a great way of putting it, avb. 🙂 It’s a gracious way, and true, but requires patience. The difficulty of facing all that stuff again externally after the pain of working through it within, is no small thing…. But as you say, just as we progressed to acceptance and celebration, there is every chance they can too. And Hyde has made a path they can follow which perhaps makes it a tiny bit easier..

yep… something I find myself repeating regularly…….to people who come out…..after years of sorting things out…..then they get upset when people don’t accept it immediately…….unfortunately they often think…..”well I’ve got it all sorted out now…..its all resolved…..whats your problem.! “…..forgetting it was their problem for years.

me gracious…….never……hehe.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
April 24, 2010, 20:31

Hi Hyde

How’s things going for you at the moment?

Joined in 2009
November 24, 2010, 17:28

Hello friends.

I cannot recall where I left off, but I shall begin the long task of updating you with my life.

I am out, entirely. I don’t hide my sexuality at all. I don’t flaunt it, but I don’t hide it. My friends are entirely comfortable with it, even excited, and things are great.

But then there is my family.

My parents are cold. They’re voice shakes with tears when the topic remains in conversation for an extended period of time. They close themselves up and are angry, speaking about my sexuality as if it is a seperate being, an enemy that has its hand’s over my eyes and has taken me from them. When we cover issues about my future, it is always “we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” And I know the bridges will not be prepared for a nice passage when we get there.

And my sister – she is the worst of all. The last three times I had a complete conversation with here were vile – she attacks me with her beliefs, her closed mind that I fear is still in the mindset of a child, and her disgust for my love of men. She hurts me so bad, and I always fold my hands on my lap, slouch over, and quietly defend myself. But, the last things I heard her say during our last fight was “I will NEVER get over this!”

My parents had a talk with her. I am sure they told her to stop fighting with me, or she’d lose me for good. Ever since then, she’s been being so plastically kind to me (as often as I see her, about once every 2 weeks). But I see it in her eyes that she is still filled with hate for what I did to the family, how I shook it’s quiet foundation on the rock of conservative christianity.

And despite her attempts to act kinder towards me, random things she says every now and then are horribly unsettling. For example, she’ll say things like “male models are disgusting” because they appear feminine, She’ll grow outraged with my dad if he says anything about how another man looks. She’s terrifyingly closed minded, and she’s becoming a burden on any chances my parents might have at accepting me.

Despite the fact her artificial kindness is her attempt to not lose me (because she feels that as long as she hasn’t lost me, there’s a chance she can change me), I have already let her go. I cannot bear to have her in my life.

I don’t know if I already told you this, but not long after I came out to my parents they made me visit a therapist (who was a christian) because they wanted to see if this was something that could be fixed, and they were hoping her christianity would rub off on me. I reluctantly went just to avoid more conflict, and to prove to my parents I was not broken. This was not something I wanted or needed fixed. The therapist was kind and did not seem to wish to change me – but she was a christian, obviously she felt I was in the wrong. A few appointments in, I began to feel as though she was vibing to me that I needed to change my mind, so I forced my parents to make me stop seeing her.

Through all of this, my life outside of the home was undergoing it’s own changes. When I turned 18, I placed myself onto a dating site to see if maybe I could find someone to love, someone to feel safe with. It was entirely secretive.

I met someone, or so I thought.

His name was John. He were slightly younger than me. He was kind, and he seemed to care about me. His family was super christian, and he was in the closet. Occasionally he would flirt, and being of the nervous nature I am, I cowered – but I played along. I told myself I needed to change. I was afraid that all he wanted was sex, but he really seemed as though he wanted a good relationship.

So I met him.

From day one he didn’t seem like someone who was ready for a relationship, but his desire for me kept me on a leash. I wanted to be wanted, so I played along. Eventually he asked me if we could make it official, so we did. We were going out.

He introduced me to his friend Scott. Scott was kind of his 47 year old mentor. Scott was the epitamy of the gay community. He listened to stereotypical gay music, watched the gay tv channel, and talked about sex constantly. John felt at home in these situations, and I felt dreadfully out of place. Scott was a nice guy – but his values were far different from mine.

Eventually Scott tried coming onto me. He admitted that he liked me a lot and wanted to do things with me. When it was clear Scott wasn’t going to give up, I told John. John lashed out at Scott, and Scott backed up.

But soon John started acting suspicious (after only 2 month of going out). I was concerned he was seeing other guys. John was the kind of person who always desired attention and affirmation – he kept his ex on a leash for the sake of recieving messages begging him to get back together with him. He was always adding guys to his facebook, guys I didn’t know.

Soon, John made it clear he wanted sex.

After one night, I didn’t put out, and he rapidly lost interest. When we were breaking up, I told him I was entirely glad for the idea, that I knew it wasn’t working. He was obviously hurt that he didn’t mean the world to me, I was the first guy who was glad to say goodbye to him. During this conversation, John admitted to having cheated on me.

That’s when it got really hard to keep my cool, but I did.

Funny thing is, recently he tried to get back together with me. I said no.

I was glad to be rid of the extreme gay community I was being drawn into. It scared me, to see no commitment, no love; just sex.

It built a shell around me. I am a much tougher person, I play hard to get, and I am somber. It seems as though sweet comments or compliments don’t penetrate my heart, for I don’t believe them anymore. Any talk of sex and I immediately put up a shield. I am curled up in this shell, and I find it so hard to trust anyone.

That’s a rushed update of my life. Forgive it’s length.

Thanks for reading.

Mr Summit
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2010
November 24, 2010, 19:49

Hi HydeLeach (why that name?)

That sucks with your family. But we can hope that they inevitably come around. Do you still live at home? Just remember that deep down they do love you even if they can’t see past you being gay right now. Also, God loves you no matter what they think.

It sounds like you are pretty comfortable in your skin right now. This is great considering you are so young.

Anyway, I am pretty new here. I am sure the other guys will have some good stuff to say.

Joined in 2009
November 24, 2010, 20:23

My boss at work tends to call bad situations like that “learning experiences”. Get your ass kicked by the CEO? “Well, that was a learning experience”. Have a complete IT systems meltdown? “Learning experience”. I guess the same could be said here, and while it sounds like a frivolous response, I actually think it has some merit.

You’ve now seen (painfully clearly) both extreme sides of which gay people of faith often get plopped in between. Religious uber-conservatives on one side, amoral gay scene on the other. You’ve stood your ground against both, and for that I applaud you.

I lucked out, myself. My relatives turned out to be quite liberal, and the only parts of the gay community I really involved myself in have been… well, this one. So I don’t really have many valuable experiences to pass on to other people when I see them in situations like yours. You won’t have that problem.

Page:   1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
WP Forum Server by ForumPress | LucidCrew
Version: 99.9; Page loaded in: 0.125 seconds.