Hi Hyde

It’s great to hear from you again. Thanks for the update. 🙂

I’m sorry things have been so tough for you. Regarding your parents and sister, my guess is that they’re locked into their religion and associated beliefs to such an extent that they are blinded. They think they’ve lost their son to some evil thing which I daresay would be very scary to them. Unfortunately your sister’s actions seem to indicate she can’t separate her beliefs from the personal so she associates you with the ‘evil’ of homosexuality. This inability to separate things out and take a balanced view is common in fundamental churches and a sign of immaturity. And not that this would provide much comfort but that immaturity has nothing whatsoever to do with you.

God looks at the heart, well beyond the pretenses and walls we each build. And what’s plain to me is that you are a lovely person. There’s something sweet about you that shines through that shell you speak of. And sometimes our defences/shells are necessary for a time. They protect what’s most precious and loved underneath. When you are ready, you will emerge from your cocoon. Just keep being you and things will work out. Don’t give up!

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Hey guys, thanks for all your support.

But before you think I’m all Mr. Strong, I need to tell you that I’m not. I’m keeping my act together but god, I feel like shit. There is no way I can entirely rid my family from my life, they will always be there. They will always be embarassed ti tell the rest of the family tree who I really am. They will continue to make me pretend I still go to church when family comes over. They, when they muster the courage to tell someone I’m gay, will say it’s something that makes me miserable and that I want to change. They are ashamed in me, and I just wish I could delete them from my life.

To be honest, I feel horribly alone right now. All I’ve got is 2 friends still in town, and they know so little about my life.

And Mr. Summit, the story behind my name Hyde Leach is a long story, but I’l summarize: the word Hyde comes from the other side of myself that is suppressed, and the Leach comes from a gravestone in town. It just sounds grim.

To be honest, in my times of greatest misery I kind of created an imaginary friend in myself, just out of a desperate attempt to feel less alone. I kind of created the idea that I was two people in one, and Hyde Leach was always going to be there for me.

Yeah, it’s crazy. But it kept me from going crazy.

My current situation is: I graduated highschool last june, and am taking this year off to raise money for college. I can get out of here next september.

For present opportunities, however, I’ve had Scott (who I told you about before) offer to let me live in his basement. From what I told you about him it sounds super creepy, but I honestly think he has my best interests in mind.

However. He’d probably make me pay rent, and I need to save all the money I can this year.

Besides, my parents would me mortified further if I left – because they wouldn’t be able to keep any secrets from the rest of the family anymore. I’d be the first person in the history of my family tree to rebel like that.

I’d be ‘the homosexual boy that got so lost in satan’s dark world that he moved in with an old stranger and no one really knows much after that.’

What really prods at me is that, even come september, I will not be able to shake my family away. They will want me to visit occasionally, and I can’t bear too. And where will I have to go in the summers, another time when I should be saving? I just, I don’t know what to do.

McDonalds.

September, because that’s when the next school year starts. I’m starting college next year.

My job sucks at giving good amounts of shifts, but I’m managing to save a fair bit – I save every penny I get.

In college, I’m going to be studying Visual/Digital Art.