I read this epic story from beginning to end today and wept a few times over it. I am amazed, encouraged, totally slayed at Tims courage, persistence, fortitude, his moral strength, maturity, and willingness to expose himself to an avalanche of fear, doubt, rejection, and possibly self loathing. I, despite not knowing him have an immeasurable amount of pride in him (you) for traveling this road so young. My current ‘bent’ on every being needs to be loved, accepted, and forgiven is exemplified in Tim’s testimony and I so wish he could experience the full measure of this from his family and friends, and ultimately a lover.
Scripture clearly advises us a man without vision will perish, Tim hold fast to your dreams, vision for your life as you see it and only remain accountable to God, no one else has the right to judge or comment on your life.
I so wish for your family too, that they will see well beyond the ‘Christian conditioning’ that has existed through the teachings in our church that being gay is wrong; bearing in mind that generations ago people of different cultures, creed, and color were considered as being ‘below’ the typical western Caucasian standard of ‘normal’.
At risk of seeming like a creepy old man……(I’m old enough to be your father) I wish I could wrap my arms around you, help you believe you have friends who are gay AND in Christ, who will not compromise you, take advantage of you, and support you in a way that has so far eluded you.
As Anthony has written, we go through a journey ourselves, more often than not in our own mind. We have spent weeks, months, and years working out how we feel about ourselves and what sort of life we need and want. It will take time for your parents and your sister to see you in a different way from the ‘evil gay son/brother’. As you mature you will be able to express how you feel to them in a way that doesn’t threaten their preconceptions and walk them on a journey to understanding not only you but see you with God’s eyes.
Finally, hang in there with work, and your goal to study. I can’t say this strongly enough, patience and determination with a single mind now will be but a short time for a much bigger reward. Never forget that tomorrow, the next week, month, or year will….WILL bring new paths to follow, each with their own lessons and rewards.
Don’t be in a hurry to find a B/F, especially since we live in a highly sexualised straight world let alone a gay one. I have made many mistakes over the past 10 years sleeping around believing in love, and experiencing lust. It has left me torn and bruised in spirit. Imagine two pieces of paper glued together and then try and pull them apart; there is always remnants of each piece left on the other, and more often than not both get torn. Imagine now, that sharing your body, and I believe your soul, with another person, even if it’s a hookup for half an hour, you are doing to yourself what happens to the glued paper. as some one posted earlier, far easier to want and not get, than get and wish you had never gone there in the first place. At the most slutty and cheeky view, you will at least avoid sti’s!
May God bless you, give you a spiritual well deep in strength, courage, and hope.
Marc.
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