😆
Okay, so this isn’t really much of a ‘my story’ – I never may get to write the epic post some part of my mind is planning – but this didn’t fit anywhere else much.
Yesterday, I got a call from someone I hadn’t talked to for about two years. He was one of the group leaders from Living Waters.
For those who don’t know, LW is one of the programs out there that tries to ‘cure’ people of homosexuality. It does deal with some other relationship-type issues as well, but curing homosexuality is where it originally started and it’s still a core part of the program.
I attended two LW courses, in 2005 and 2006. I actually got a lot out of it, crucially a safe place to talk about my feelings without an overwhelming and paralysing sense of guilt and shame. It may seem crazy to say it, but it was an ex-gay organisation that got me into a position where I could talk honestly about homosexual desires.
Towards the end of 2006, there was some hint that I might be asked to come back as a group ‘helper’ the next year. Now, I never got that phone call. I often wonder why – did they not run the group, were numbers low and they didn’t need more helpers – but it always struck me as both amusing and appropriate. Because early 2007 was the time when I started the process of ‘coming out’.
So, after hearing nothing for two years, yesterday I get the phone call from my first group leader. Great guy. Seriously. And he tells me that LW is running again earlyish next year and wonders if I’d be interested in coming.
I tell him that not only am I not interested, I doubt that the LW leaders would want me along. Then I tell him why: I’m now comfortably homosexual and no longer seeking to be ‘cured’. [And if I was around LW, I’d actively subvert the ‘curing’!]
His reaction was a sort of ‘that’s fine, I don’t really know what’s right, so long as you’re happy’ – hardly the LW official line, but in his particular case it might have been a genuine sentiment.
What struck me, though, was not his reaction, but how incredibly easy it was to tell him. I’m gay. It’s a fact of life. I’m so used to it now – even though two years ago, the prospect of telling most people would still have mortified me.
I think I’m also caring less and less what others think of my sexuality (although, if someone uses the word ‘lifestyle’… look out!). Don’t get me wrong, I still DO care about Christian attitudes on homosexuality. Feel free to call on me when a Bible interpretation argument is brewing. But it’s now more about frustration, and less about a need for personal validation.
I could quite happily attend LW and explain to them that I no longer share their views, and explain a lot of why. And I think I could do it calmly, rationally and with love.
Doubt I’ll get the chance though. Drat, should have just said I would LOVE to attend. 😉
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