Lesbian Christian but Does God really accept me?

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Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
June 10, 2010, 14:50

Great words of wisdom there, Rach. Thank you!

It is SO true that many people have only done surface readings of scripture and have no idea what was originally meant. They have not been properly informed from the pulpit nor thought to independently check the information given. It is never wise to simply swallow a message whole without checking the content against good research and our own internal guidance. When it comes to the bible, I believe those who are interested need to do independent research and also be aware that quite a few things cannot be proven because they are lost to antiquity.

In the Sodom and Gomorrah story, it’s also worth noting that the sodomy that went on was at the hands of a crazed mob, most of whom would have been heterosexual men. So that horrendous story involved pack violence and abuse that had nothing to do with sexual orientation.

I love the scripture you have quoted as part of your signature, Rach. I think that sums everything up. It’s all about love. I also think that looking at peoples’ lives for the fruit of the spirit is a way to measure whether they are good and of God. And for those who are fond of preaching hatred against those in the LGBT community, the fruits of the spirit don’t include hate, judgment and condemnation. In fact Jesus had a lot to say about those who do that, and none of it good. Meanwhile he said nothing about homosexuality that I know of. You’d think if it was wrong or a highly significant issue, he would have had something to say.


Ann Maree

Joined in 2010
June 10, 2010, 23:34

whoa hahaha! such a great feeling to be able to help someone out 😀 never knew i was capable of that haha!

yeah it really frustrats me and in bible study yesterday, i learnt one thing, when people use scripture against what you believe is true and you have biblical evidence against it, dont argue with them but ask them one question – “do you know what your verse really really means?”. it’ll either mute them and get them thinking or it’ll bring them to realize how empty their words really are, get them all angry and screaming and also get them thinking. the core is to get them thinking and for them to question and do readings on their own in their own time. it’s only when they personally realize it, then they’ll start to accept it. it’s near impossible to shove things down their throat and make them think at the heat of a scripture argument! so wisely challenge them, don’t shove things down their throat and expect them to understand.

to me, a person in anger is a person with ears and mind shut, so pointless to make the person understand.

but yeah, i thought that would be a great way to wisely and productively challege a fellow brother or sister in really getting deep into what they initially thought a certain scripture might mean. whether regarding homosexuality or not, i thought it would be pretty useful 😀 hehe…


Joined in 2007
June 22, 2010, 00:35

Dear Kachezva

I also have been on this journey but I have finally found a sense of peace about this issue and I hope that my story might give you some sense of hope for yourself.

When I first came out at my church after I had met a woman I had fallen in love with (after 2 failed heterosexual marriages and 5 children) the church made me “feel very unwelcome”, stripped me of my offices in the church, and turned their backs on me ( and my children), hoping I think that this would encourage me to repent and see the ‘truth”. I received hate mail, some people wanted to have me exorcised, and several church friends tried to encourage my children to leave me, and go and live with them to save them from my sinful lifestyle. My girlfriend was devastated for me, as all I could do was cry. I felt so naive – I had no idea my decision would release such a maelstrom in my life! Anyway, my girlfriend in an effort to support me, rang many churches in my city to get someone to pray for me and many declined. She was a non-Christian and she was appalled. In one day I had lost my best friends, my sense of security and I was filled with shame. And after more than 10 calls not one Christian was willing to pray for me.

Interestingly, one lovely spirit-filled elderly minister opened his church to me that night and prayed for me. He said he had learnt grace when his youngest daughter had suicided in the Catholic church several years before and he had been wounded by his parishioners and friends response to his daughter choice to end her life. That night he told me God was more interested in what I did with my heart than my plumbing 🙂 . Even now I am amazed by the grace of this wonderful man who had until then been a complete stranger to me.

I also got on the internet and sent an email to a straight woman from America (a wife of a well known pentecostal minister) who had been brave in declaring her support of gay people openly belonging to churches. She sent me a delightful message telling me that she absolutely believed that nothing could separate me from the love of God and that God still loved me. I wish I could say that I could hear these people’s messages, and yet, unfortunately I began a journey into the dark recesses of my soul as I could not shift the ideas about homosexuality I had heard in church.

For 3 years I walked without God and finally my relationship with the woman I had been with broke down and I was devastated. I wanted to commit suicide. I was empty and hollow and my life had become meaningless. At this time I rang the original elderly minister for some solace and he suggested I go and speak to a straight married chaplain at my university who had recently been stood down from her position in the church for expressing her support of homosexuals participating openly in church. That woman, who I had only just met saved my life, quite literally. She contracted with me to keep me alive and she walked with me and was the most remarkable source of love and support. We remain dear and close friends to this day.

After this I decided that I could only be alive AND in relationship with God. Slowly I started to trust in God and people again. It was a very slow process, and I often wondered where the truth was, whether I had only told myself things to justify my actions etc etc. I started to read more widely about Church ideas about homosexuality and realised that the pentecostal view of homosexuality was not shared by others. Many Christians I admired including Desmond Tutu and Philip Yancey spoke out against the hard line Christian doctrines and the interpretations placed on particular scriptures and I realised that there were churches and people who actually believed and lived the gospel of grace.

I have since reestablished my relationship with God and I can see daily proof in my life of his blessing and presence. I still find church difficult and I actively avoid going. I trust God but I must admit I still fear people’s judgement. His spirit has remained with me. Some of my old church ‘friends’ have seen this in my life and have been surprised by this I think. They have as a result reconsidered their own opinions about God. My God is not small and narrow minded. He is the author of everything I see, He loves variety, he loves to love me. He is what makes my heart beat, He is still what makes my heart sing. And I know, that every person on this wobbly planet including me, despite being imperfect, makes His heart sing when we enter into relationship with Him.

I do a tough job where I work with mentally ill and distressed teenagers who have either lost their way or are having trouble finding it. I could not do this work without God. He is there in the room with me, flowing through me to them. When I walked those 3 years without God I was empty. My heart was cold and lifeless. I wish words could do this explanation justice. All I know is that despite my sexual orientation, where there is love there is God. When I pray he answers even if only to say hush, be patient, not your will but My will be done. My life now is full of meaning. However, it is not without its heartache, not without disappointment, not without pain. But then that is life. I just know that I am called to be Jesus’ hands, heart and care in this world just as those special emissaries who came to me when my life was hanging in the balance were called to be there for me. They are the true Christians. They gave me back my life and showed me what it is to be a true Christian in this world. God cares about what you do with your heart not your plumbing!

I pray that you will also find peace and the truth to know that nothing will ever separate you from the grace and love of God and that He will send you angels in disguise to support you and guide you every step of the way. Sometimes its only in hindsight, we can see His presence was always there, even in the darkness.

Follow your heart

T x

Joined in 2008
June 22, 2010, 01:11

Hi Kachezva,

Thanks for sharing your story.

I’ve often fought with myself over the same thing. By accepting myself as gay, am I listening to what my itching ears want to hear?

But the heart of this doubt, I’ve come to see has nothing to do with the scriptures or God. Many of my biggest character flaws have some connection to me being gay and I figure that if I wasn’t gay then I wouldn’t have to put up with those flaws.

That, I’ve come to realise, is simply low self-esteem. Straight or gay I’d have character flaws. As much as I hate the ones I have and wish I had different ones, I’m wise enough now to see that if I had different character flaws, I’d hate those just as much.

I guess the point of my post is: are you struggling with the idea of God accepting you because it’s morally wrong, or is it because you have low self-esteem? (I wish I could soften the directness of that last sentence, but this parenthetical apology is the best I can do.)

I believe God loves you. I love you – not in any weird way but simply because by your existence you are worthy of love.

God bless.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
June 22, 2010, 09:42

Hi tessinthelabyrinth

What an amazing story! Thanks so much for sharing. Is this is in the ‘telling our stories’ section too? If it isn’t, it would be great to include there.

I’m glad you have found peace after a difficult search for supports in Christian churches.

Blessings to you, especially in your work. You are amazing. 🙂 (I know because I do some of that work too).

Ann Maree

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
June 22, 2010, 09:44

Hi kachezva

How are things with you?


Ann Maree

Joined in 2007
June 22, 2010, 19:07

Thanks for your kind words and maybe I’ll cut and paste it across on your advice.

Blessings. Keep up the good work 🙂


Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
June 22, 2010, 20:08

You’re welcome T. You too! 🙂


Ann Maree

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
June 23, 2010, 13:53

I put this sticky up at the top of this forum as i’m sure some people who post their stories here don’t realise that people have replied.

Joined in 2010
June 23, 2010, 19:18

Hi All. Sorry for being away for so long. I have been through ups and downs but your words have truelly helped me! Please keep myself and my partner in your prayers, we are on this journey together and at the moment need all the prayers we can get – specifically peace in knowing Gods plan for our lives, no matter what people say, knowing what God wants for us is more important. Thanks

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