Forums

Living Two Lives

Page:   1 2 3
 
 

Guest
April 30, 2010, 17:28

I am lesbian and 47.

I can’t figure out how to bring my two lives together, well I can but I am a coward. I have two Facebook accounts, one for my family and straight friends, the other for my GLBT friends.


I am getting sick of having two lives but I am so nervous about being totally truthful to my straight Christian friends and my kids. I don’t want to be rejected. I don’t want my pentecostal friends to think I am deceived and going to Hell… any suggestions or opinions please?

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
April 30, 2010, 18:18

Hi fyre_krystal


You are not alone. No one wants to be rejected. avb suggests we classify others in our lives as either low, moderate or high risk in terms of possible rejection to ourselves. He says that when coming out, it’s good to approach those deemed as low risk first to build confidence and the supports needed. We may/may not choose to disclose to more high risk people later on. I think this is very good advice and something that’s worked well in my own life.


In terms of establishing the risk, perhaps start by watching peoples’ responses to LGBT themes that may incidentally come up on TV or in conversation and see how they react. These will give clues as to what risk category they fit into. You can also ask yourself how important it is that these people know this about you. For instance, you might be more motivated to want to disclose to close friends and less inclined with those you hardly know. Your own motivations might need to be balanced against the level of risk though.


There’s no rules about coming out or not ….however not rushing into things is usually best. We tend to have more control over what happens if things are planned.


Have you looked at the bible articles in the resource section? These are balanced and supportive and may be of assistance to yourself and to Christian friends later on. Also, HillsBen (Ben) and N149 (Shan) have both written excellent coming out letters to parents, and those are posted on the forum as examples that could be adjusted to suit your needs.


Keep talking to us. It’s a difficult process but there’s lots of great people and supports here to help you.


Blessings,


Ann Maree

Guest
April 30, 2010, 18:35

Thank you 🙂

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
April 30, 2010, 20:41

You’re welcome fyre_krystal. Did those things make sense or resonate with you at all?

Guest
April 30, 2010, 20:51

Absolutely…. I am really struggling the most with my best friend of 16 years as she has always said it is demonic so I have been to deliverance sessions (for myself) with her and she believes I have been “healed”, and because I kept confessing I was healed and delivered, she thinks I am straight now…of course, but in actual fact I am still the same and I thought that by confessing it enough it would be true, and that my faith would make me straight. Long story short, her opinions matter to me as she is a very mature women of God…she has never judged me but I know she believed I was in error…she would think I have lost my “healing” if she knew the truth….my kids love me no matter what, BUT most of them have very strong opinions as they were bought up in a pentecostal church where homesexuals go to Hell.

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
April 30, 2010, 20:59

That’s a tough one. Of course you want her to be accepting because she’s a close friend.. However she may not be able to see past her doctrinal stuff.. She might be classed as high risk perhaps? And that’s about her, not you, although painful to be on the receiving end and thought of as “in error”. Do you have some accepting friends, and any of those Christian? I would advise to build up as many of those supports as you can firstly so you can manage any potential rejection.


There is also the radio program with the 3 pastors from 100 revs on the forum to refer to..Have you listened to that? Down the track it would be great to have her listen to it too..


I’m around later tonight if you need to talk more about this. Off to work now..


Blessings,


Ann Maree

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
April 30, 2010, 21:04

That radio program I referred to is called ‘Homosexuality and Religion’ and is the first discussion topic on p.2 in the discussion section.

Guest
April 30, 2010, 21:05

No I haven’t listened to that, yes I have some Christian GLBT friends on Facebook, and one or two in real life too, but because of circumstances it is easier for me to have online friends. Yes my best friend would be high risk…that is a good way of putting it, classing people according to risk…I am in NZ, it is 10 pm, so I am off to bed. Thanks for your help.

Rivers
 
Joined in 2008
May 1, 2010, 04:05

Hi fyre_krystal,


Nice to have you on the forums. I live in Tokyo now, but I’m a Kiwi. I grew up in Wanganui, and spent some time in Wellington, Palmerston North and Hawkes Bay.


I can identify with having multiple Facebook accounts. I originally set up a personal one for my high school friends and family in NZ, a gay one to connect with GLBT friends globally and a separate pentecostal/revival one to connect to my pentecostal bible school and church friends in Florida and NZ. I told myself it was “strategic” and I did find it helpful for a while, but really I was just afraid. Eventually I started posting GLBT topics on the pentecostal one, and then came out on my personal one, and then ended up putting “I am gay” on all the profiles, but it took a lot of time for me to get there.


I have now had some great conversations with people I never thought would be accepting and feel a whole lot better about myself being “consistent” and open across the board. The Holy Spirit always works with and anoints truth, so the more integrity we walk in, the more freedom and power we experience in our lives. We are all on a journey to reconcile the different parts of our lives, but when we feel bad about our level of openness, it is good to come out to more people, because usually the reaction is better than we expect and it boosts our confidence. We may have been cutting ourselves off or hiding from the very people we need to connect to more openly.


Often the things we FEAR are simply False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear is also like an onion – most of us have many layers of fear and for every layer of fear we peal back, there is usually another one underneath, but we get bolder and bolder the more we yield to the Lord and step out in faith. And God meets us as we step out on the water. Pealing back each layer of fear may cause a few tears each time, but the Comforter is always there to comfort us.


The Holy Spirit will help you with your best friend. It may take time and wisdom and some heartache, but God WILL help you through it. Those who love the Holy Spirit will recognize the anointing, love and touch of God on your life eventually. Just don’t give up and don’t give in to things that are not true to you. Real relationships are worth being open and taking the time to gently educate.


You might like to check out some of the podcasts or media from anointed pentecostal lesbians like Pastor Sandy Turnbull (http://glorytabernacle.com/Media.htm) or join the classes in the ACTS Bible School run by her ministry (http://actsglobal.org). I have grown so much over the past year connecting with them and Freedom 2 b[e].


Timothy

Guest
May 1, 2010, 04:57

Thanks Timothy, that was really really helpful 🙂 Blessings.
Page:   1 2 3
 
WP Forum Server by ForumPress | LucidCrew
Version: 99.9; Page loaded in: 0.08 seconds.