Living Two Lives

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Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
May 1, 2010, 09:42

Hi fyre_krystal,

Yes he’s full of lots of wisdom, isn’t he? I love reading Timothy’s posts. 🙂 Fantastic!

The only thing I would emphasise is that sometimes it takes a while to reach the level of truth and transparency you are wanting. As much as we would all just prefer to sort things out immediately, time is usually needed, both for you and those you’re disclosing to, in order to process the news. Having the resources and supports ready beforehand may help you present from a more positive position, and can also be used to assist those you come out to.

The truth definitely does set us free. However we need to know what our truth is in order to share it effectively with others. For myself that meant being sure of who I was and who my supports were in case of negative responses. I also reminded myself that the other person had the right to respond in whichever way they did but I had the right not to stay and be abused. (You can probably tell: I’m very much a planner. By doing so it takes a lot of stress out for me and makes my options clearer. I’m less likely to freeze in the moment when prepared for a full variety of outcomes). Of course, Timothy might be right too and the respones may be better than expected. And yes, people can surprise us in positive ways, which is always a bonus and cause for celebration. 🙂

The other great resource you might like to access is the DVD of ‘For The Bible Tells Me So’, a truly excellent presentation of biblical perspectives that will be supportive and helpful for yourself and Christian friends in particular.

Hope that helps. Keep us updated, fyre_krystal. I have a feeling though that things will work out for you and you’ll feel the strength of God and this community with you as you move forward.


Ann Maree


May 1, 2010, 10:17

You have both been a great help…I am a planner too so I am going to arm myself with resourses…I have had some revelation in the past 24 hours from the Holy Spirit which I will keep to myself, but mainly that I was acting based on fear, not the truth of who I am…. I will also think through what responses I may get, and decide beforehand the appropriate way to deal with that…i.e. use my support system to talk to/help me if necessary.

I think once I am clear about who I am with my kids they will be fine, or at least respectful of my orientation, as long as they can see I am good with it, so to speak… I have to get past trying to please everyone, cos I am not being kind to myself.

Rose (my friend) will probably be in shock and pray for me (which is always good lol)…and she will probably stop hugging me as close and not share deep personal stuff anymore because she will think I am not hearing from God anymore…that will hurt I think. She is actually moving away from my city soon, so who knows, may not even be an issue.

I want to be totally out because I am passionate about gay rights (in fact equal rights for all people), and I can’t do that if I am hiding anything, but yes, all in the right time 🙂

Thanks guys, Maryanne.


May 1, 2010, 10:19

P.S. I always hoped that if the “right” guy came along that would “cure” me, the thing is, the right guy for me is a woman 🙂

Joined in 2009
May 1, 2010, 10:30


welcome! seems like you are already finding out what a wonderful site this is. I don’t have the same level of wisdom to contribute, but wanted to say ‘welcome’!

I liked your last comment!!

You’ll find my story posted on here. I didn’t find this website until after I had come out to my family- you’re doing it the better way!! But I have found that life moves forward. And even though there are problems there (I don’t see my kids at all) life is much happier when you are true to yourself.



May 1, 2010, 10:52

Thank you…yes this site is a great support, and yes I am learning what a blessing it is to be true to yourself 🙂 Sorry about your kids, I pray God will soften their hearts.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
May 2, 2010, 20:18

Hi fyre_krystal

You said:

“I have to get past trying to please everyone, cos I am not being kind to myself”.

I like this. Being kind to ourselves is, in the end, kindest to others too. By taking this approach with ourselves, we give permission to others to in turn be kind to themselves. We also show them where our limits are, which is helpful to all concerned. And the reality is that we would never be able to please everyone no matter how hard we tried.

It sounds as if you’re thinking it through well, knowing where you want to be and the steps needed in between.

I look forward to hearing more. 🙂


Ann Maree

Joined in 2010
May 3, 2010, 21:59

Hi fyre_krystal,

you responded to my post a while ago, noting that we had similar stories. My turn to respond to your post! I’ve got 2 facebook pages too, and I do refer to one as my straight page and one as my leso page. I’m OK with that now, and see the 2 pages as the ‘inner circle’ and the ‘outer circle’ of friends. I don’t think you’re being cowardly, I think you’re being careful.

Over the course of the last couple of months I’ve been slowly sounding out the friends I care enough about to tell about my own sexuality, because like you I feel the need to live one life not two. So far my most of my close family (mum, brother, cousin) have been really positive and supportive. And my (adult) children have been great, after some initial upsets. I’ve really taken my time though, and there are some friends I feel will not take the news well so I am not going to say anything. My pastors were really disappointed with my decision so I no longer attend church. It’s taken a while to get used to – I’ve been a 2-services a week Christian most of my life. But I’m happy with that decision and feel like a huge weight has lifted from me.

My best friend of 20 years is still very reticent to talk about it all, and as a fundamental Christian is finding it hard to deal with my decision. She really cares about me but our friendship has certainly altered. And yep, the hugging was a bit awkward for a while. I think we’re OK with hugging now………

We’re both praying for each other. I bet our prayers are really different!!!!

So I wanted to add my voice to the others’ and say take your time, and choose who you talk to. Once you find an ally in one of your friends, and I’m sure you will, you will feel strengthened. And keep coming back to this forum because it’s a safe place to hide when you’re feeling like you’re on your own. Good luck, I’ll be cheering for you 🙂 Luckysky


May 4, 2010, 10:03

Thanks everyone! I am so glad to be understood, and glad I am not the only one 🙂

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
May 5, 2010, 00:00

sorry I haven’t been able to add my bit here……seems like every one is doing a great job…..I just love it when I’m not needed. thank you all for your input.


July 21, 2010, 12:37

As you can tell I have changed my name from fyre_krystal. Anyway, a bit of an update.

I have disabled my “gay” Facebook account and just use the one with my real name, and it includes my GLBT contacts…it is working out fine as far as my straight friends and family go.

Things seem to be changing with my family…they are not speaking against gay people anymore, my 23 year old daughter is encouraging me to get a girlfriend, she said she just wants me to be happy, my other two sons who were strongly against it (28 and 25) are just giving their opinions but not making it personal to me anymore, either that or they just say nothing, and my youngest son (nearly 21)is actually sending me links on where GLBT people are being discriminated against, and liking posts I have on that as well…things are coming right :-D…maybe they are finally realizing it is not a phase I am going through.

Thanks everyone on f2b for being there for me 🙂

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