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Living with bi-polar

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lover_in_aus
 
Joined in 2012
May 20, 2012, 12:28

Just thought I'd expand further on from the previous entry I did within the discussion part of the forums. I'll provide it below so it's easier for people to remember and reference when they can.

"Hello everybody. My name is Tim (or TJ) and I wanted to introduce myself. I'm 21 years of age. I am orginially from Melbourne but live else where now. I'm a born again Christian from a Catholic/Pentecostal background. I'm bisexual, but that does not define me. I use to be polyamorus with my ex bf but I've since changed that and want to be monogamous. I don't go to a very supportive church but I'm not minding that. I love the music. Love the people and just love the atmosphere there. It's a Christian City Church for those that were interested in knowing. I'm in the head space ATM that I'm midway between accepting myself as being gay and persuing that and leaving the church all together because of comments that were said by a dear friend of mine."

If you're intersted in knowing the comments of the entry you can go here: http://www.freedom2b.org/forums/introductions-t1864/


I wanted to now get into the "other" part of me, the other part being my mental health. I probably share some traits with a few of you guys and gals, having suffered or suffering depression or other mental illnesses yourselves. I sometimes let my illness define me, much like my sexuality, and it really puts a dampner on my relationships due to my ability to either blame the crap things on the illness or to keep it to myself. It's a fine line between over-sharing and properly explaining what's wrong. For me, the past 3 relationships ended because of the mental illness wreaking havoc on my life. It all focussed around sex and my ability to catch STI's. I was using sex as a means to get close to people. The ultimate means to intimacy between two people. I wasn't able to find a type of intimacy elsewhere that would satisfy this need and longing for that depth of intimacy.


A related topic would be the issue of suicide. For me that issue arises many a times during a week. I threatened to take all my lithium (which was 200 tablets) as a result of my ex-partner moving on to someone else.


Has anyone had this type of issues?

Mother Hen
 
Joined in 2011
May 20, 2012, 12:40

Hi TJ,


I was away when you posted your introduction so I'll say it now, welcome to F2B. 😉 Thanks so much for sharing more about yourself, if helps put into context the comments made and where you are coming from. It's also very courageous of you to open up and share more about yourself. Can make one feel vulnerable. By doing that though you help touch other's lives, and help other's who might be going through something similar.


I can't comment on the issues of mental health, there are other's who are far more qualified. One thing I will say is you are right it does not define who you are. As with any illness it can have a huge effect of different aspects of our lives, but you are so much more than that. A wonderful young man, with so many wonderful fantastic things ahead of him.


Keep being positive and draw on the support and love you have from friends and family.


God Bless



Sophia Chokhmah
 
Joined in 2011
May 20, 2012, 14:31

Thank you for sharing that. I am 49 and I have mental health issues, I struggle with depression and anxiety disorders and have been a self harmer (cutter) from about 2001, I think I am through the worst of it now, I hope 🙂 These things don't define who I am either although for a while it felt like they did.

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
May 20, 2012, 15:50

Hi TJ

I agree with Mother Hen – it's very courageous of you to have shared these aspects of yourself with us. It also helps us to understand you a bit better. So thank you! 🙂

Bipolar is a tough illness to have. What supports do you have and which strategies do you use and find most helpful?

You're not alone in using sex as a way to gain intimacy. I think many people fall into that trap although your bipolar perhaps makes you more vulnerable to putting yourself out there and being at risk.

On the positive side, and this is not meant to lessen the problems with bipolar, those I've known with BPAD, are incredibly bright, creative, articulate, passionate and emotive people. They have access to a broader range of emotions than most and so bring a lot of beauty into the world. So I'm wondering if you have some of those traits too? 🙂

Blessings,

Ann Maree

sman
 
Joined in 2009
May 30, 2012, 13:30

Hi man,


Thanks for sharing. I too came to a point of distraction of a relationship due to my mental illness. I was diagnosed Bipolar in April 2 years ago. I had come to a point of sleeping with so many guys over time and doing crazy things I ended in hospital after trying to take my own life. Im with you in saying I don't want my sexuality or illness to label me. Recently I have come to really accept me as who I am and what I believe in. It takes creating a great support network and finding the right help clinically to start to move forward. Good on you for sharing this as many men and women in our shoes goes through mental illness. Some come through stronger and more alive however some never get through and end it all. The more we speak the more we bring hope.


Shane

lover_in_aus
 
Joined in 2012
June 6, 2012, 09:49

So basically I've come to the point in my journey where I think I've lost sight of God. I don't know if you, the reader, knows anything of the origins of the song "Heart of Worship" by Matt Redman but that was made out of a time where Matt Redman's church was going through a period where they stopped worship because they felt that they lost sight of the meaning to worship. I feel like I've been ebing and flowing in response to life challenges but its time to stand strong in my faith and be the man I was foresawn to be in the eyes of God. What does this mean? Means no porn…no sex…nothing but purity…it'll be hard at first, that I know, but I know this is something that God wants for me. I know that people will tell me otherwise when it comes to sex but I know the teachings on this particular issue but I don't wanna go back to the way I was before…addicted to sex because of the intimacy involved. I'd like to become a pastor and I need to resolve these issues and be transformed before I can be able to even consider pastoring a church.



lover_in_aus
 
Joined in 2012
June 10, 2012, 15:56

No responses… 🙁

forestgrey
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2008
June 10, 2012, 16:14

Sorry, l_i_a … meant to respond previously but got side-tracked. I think we all have those 'wilderness' experiences sometimes where we seem to have lost touch with God. Because we are all different, I don't think there is one magic formula to change that impression. Throw in our own feeble efforts to fulfil our needs in inapproriate ways, and it all gets a bit confusing and overwhelming.


I guess the lifeline is the knowledge that God is still around, and others have also been in similar places in their lives and managed to work their way through the mire. There are posts on this Forum from over the years that attest to that.


At the Melburne Chapter recently, a LGBTI speaker who practices Celibacy evoked considerable interest. I do believe that celibacy has a place in life – for some long-term; for some, maybe for a season.


The hardest part with situations like yours in trying to battle the issues alone. It is good that you feel free to seek advice here. Maybe, it will be also helpful to consider some face-to-face counselling with a qualified person. We may be able to recommend suitable practicioners.


May you find answers and peace in your quest, and strength and perserverance through the hard time. Bless ya! ~ david
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