I came across this site 3 days ago as I want to go back to church again but scared to go because of the bad treatment I got from member of the church in the past.
My name is Josh and I am 37 years old gay Asian man, I came to Australia in 1996. Growing up in christian family, Sunday school and church was part of me and I enjoyed being at church.
When I came to Australia I joined the Indonesian Pentecostal church in Melbourne, I was active in the church for 8 years and the people at church treated me well. However, that all changed when I came out to my flatmates who are members of the church (up until now I still regret making that decision). From there on, the pastor advised me to do program which according to him could help me but didn't and this led to most members of the church didn't talk to me. That I could cope but it was the gossip and some of the comments made by them about me being burnt in hell and will not part of kingdom of God as per 1 Corinthian 6:9 -10 and especially about my parents that made me really upset.
Then I decided to leave the church. After leaving the church, I went into depression and I was thinking of ending my life which I tried by taking lots of drugs. The doctor told me I was lucky to still be alive because had i arrive 30 minutes late, it could have been different.
I still have that suicide thought when I feel low nowadays and when this happens I just listen to Gospel songs and that helps. I know I need to seek help for this but once again I am afraid of being judged because of my sexuality.
I am sharing this story because I want to be part of the church again but I am worried if that bad experience I had will happen again.
Is it wrong for being gay and christian? Is it too much to ask for people at church to accept me for I am?
I am hoping that one day I could go back to church again and being welcomed not matter what my background is.
I am so happy to find this site knowing that I am not alone for being gay and christian and hopefully this site will enable to find a church I can call home and find advice or counselling to sort out my problem because deep down I know I need help.
Thank you for reading my story.