I was encouraged to think tonight about those who have made a difference to me…. especially in my journey of accepting my same sex attraction.

The person most on my mind tonight is miss.muppet.

I know many of you have followed her story and struggles on this forum.

She died on Feb 9 following complications from treatment for a long standing blood disorder that turned into leukaemia in mid December. Her funeral was on Saturday and I was able to attend. I wrote Freedom 2b in the memorial book as I know this community has meant such a lot to her.

I can't believe she isn't hear anymore to talk to or text or visit…. her struggle with her same sex attraction gave me the courage to explore and recognise my own journey and to see what others had seen in me since my early 20s – that I am gay…. over the past 5 years of our friendship we have shared many deep talks and many laughs – we have listened to each other as we have wrestled with our mental health, and sexuality issues…. and she made me promise… at Hungry Jacks, one night, (one of her favourite places) – that I would text her or call her if I ever felt like I was at the end of my rope…. I didn't actually keep that promise…. have been at the end of my rope a number of times since that conversation… and yet miss her like mad, knowing that I can't text her or ring her now.

It is her 39th birthday on Monday, and a few mutual friends and I are having lunch together to remember her.

I am doing the World's Greatest Shave for the Leukaemia Foundation on March 12 as a tribute to her…. she did it last year and this is the disease that took her life…

Thank you miss.muppet for your honest courage in your journey, for your wrestling with your issues, for your courage in your loneliness and for showing me the way in so many things… Who is going to sleep on my lounge room floor now, on the mattress from under my bed??????

Who is going to help me fix a healthy meal, when it is the last thing I want to do???? Who is going to introduce me to Absolutely Fabulous and watch it with me and make me laugh???? Who is going to show me courage and strength and faith????

R.I.P. miss.muppet. I will carry you with me always and love you always…. Thank you for everything.

thank you so much sarab.

It is a hard time… I value your words of comfort very much and your thoughts on Monday as my friends and I celebrated miss.muppets birthday.

Trust you are well.

Take care

ammi

Hi Ammi,

I too was thinking of miss.muppet at the last meeting. I even read your post in this thread the next day, but I couldn't find the words to form a reply. It was all so raw, and it still is.

Thanks, firstly, for representing Freedom2B at her funeral. She would have loved that. I regret not being able to travel myself, though I'm glad I was able to send prayers and messages of support through her sister. I came with miss.muppet to one of the F2B dinners late last year, and I think she introduced me to you. I had met her through a smaller LGBT ministry, and she then introduced me to her beloved F2B.

She was the first friend I had met in many years with whom I felt wholly comfortable and could be openly honest. It was a privilege to be able to pray with her, be it over the phone, when we were out and about, or by her hospital bed. The last email she sent me — from her hospital bed — ended with "[Thinking] of u [in] prayer also. Xo." It astounded and touched me that was thinking of me amidst her own pain, but that was the beautiful soul I came to know. "I feel the Lord's comfort as we speak", she had recently texted, and I will be forever grateful that God brought her into my life. I kept telling her how cute and adorable and lovely she was in person, but her heart reminded me of Jesus. This is the angel I will always remember.

We each had our hurts and struggles, and we were really helping each other in our recovery. For a while, her passing made it feel like I had to start rebuilding all over again. Now I'm slowly starting to pick myself up. My thoughts and prayers are still with her family and friends like yourself, Ammi.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for [we] shall be comforted."