I came out to my kids a few years ago and had challenges with it with reference to social settings in general as well as the fact i use to be a pastor and my kids naturally were all regular church attenders and were involved in church life. They took the news fairly well, although two years ago, my son ran away for two months after he met a guy i was then dating. He had made the choice to meet him but turned out he could not handle it as well as he thought. But after that two months of being away he rang me one day and said he was over it and wanted to come home. (my kids lived/live with me) Mountains of emotions of guilt and regret plagued my mind during those two months. I knew i had done the right thing in respect to myself but it came at such a heavy price with regards to relationships with family and friends. During this time i lost basically all of my church friends as well.

Then two months ago my youngest daughter ran away from home. Encouraged by someone close to her in the family (not siblings) she ran away and used my sexuality as the main reason. I came to the end of my tether, or so i thought. I failed assignments and exams (currently studying at uni) quit sporting commitments i was involved with which i love and thought i was the lowest form of parent alive. But even in that i had conflict because i knew i was ok with being gay.

Parenting had been my main stay of existence and role in life. i had been single for many years (div for 13) and raised my kids on my own for most of that time. I only began the resolve with my sexuality in the last 5 years. But parenting was still my identity first and foremost. I found it so difficult when these two events occurred. I questioned God for making me gay and having this effect on my kids and myself. As a parent I want only the best for my children but found myself helpless.

I am not sure how it happened but about a month ago I began to fight back inwardly. I do not know how it arrived or where it came from so to speak but i suddenly came to realise this was a battle that for me as an individual i could not afford to be beaten and that this would inevitably win out even for my kids. I had to release my daughter so to speak, i am hesitant to compare it in its fullness but i hope you understand the parellel i am giving it to Abraham putting Isaac on the altar. There is not yet a happy ending to my youngest daughter’s situation but I am happy in me. I am a good person, I am a good parent, and i am not superman, which my mother and my doctor have both told me this last month that i have been trying to be for the last upteen years. I am allowed to be human.

So if there is anyone out there who has had, or is having parenting problems or other relationship issues however they are associated with you and your sexuality or just as a human being in general, know this – you are worthy of happiness and that the road may not be smooth at the moment but to get to a good place you may need to go through some crap to get there. But it will be worth it, and if you look for a rainbow you will find one.

cheers big ears

😀 hey thanks for sharing that with us. you are an awesome guy and continue to be that kind of person. I like the bit about having to go through the crap before things smooth out. You have nothing to be ashamed of and can only do what you can within your own resources. Thanks for reminding that we are human – so easy to forget when standing up for our rights and being good at everything. 🙂

Glad you found a strength inside … one can only take so much rubbish until enough is enough. hugs

wow- when I read your story, I see a really strong sense of humility and selflessness within you… which is so awesome, this is definately Christ emerging within you (Phillipians Chapter 2:1-11 is something that comes to mind)…

One of the things I’m realising for myself now is that our relationships can only suffer if we fail to represent ourselves faithfully to those around us, which certainly includes our family… Finding intimacy in a relationship with anyone must involve sharing your whole self with them, and for me I’ve found that because I witheld a pivotal part of my identity from people, I was unable to experience relational intimacy with even my best friends and family… Now it must totally break your heart knowing that your decision to be upfront about your identity has caused these issues in your family, but the alternative would be to live a lie and not allow your children to experience the whole you and deny them the right to engage with you and your struggles, which seems to me to be a great tragedy-

You can’t know how much I wish my dad allowed himself to be vulnerable around me, so I could atleast feel as if he trusted me/felt sufficiently connected with me, so as to allow me to engage with his weaknesses… I know stuff is going on that he doesn’t tell me or my sisters about and the fact that he refuses to share this really makes it hard for me to build our pretty weak relationship…

In my opinion your kids are blessed to have you-

Chris

glad to hear the dust is settling a bit for you.

I’ve had some family troubles as well. Just when you think you’ve got it all sorted out and resolved…….something will be triggered and you have another or the old issue to deal with.

such is life…….never perfect 😥 ……always interesting. 😀

😕 sometimes I wonder how long does a family member need to adapt to the fact that Im gay. Thinking about my mum and how she is not coping with it People go through stages eg. Elizabeth Ross Kubler found 1. shock 2. anger 3. denial 4. bargaining and 5. reconcilation … think my mum is in the denial and bargaining stages.

Gosh its can be so frustrating! 😆

I realise that I also go through these stages when my friends get married, expecting a baby or celebrating their anniversary. I seem to float around the bargaining and reconciliation … I find that I can never really accept myself fully but in parts while our christian community deliberate and debate about our existence. 🙁 The degree of our own acceptance of being gay and christian is affected by our surroundings or climate or attitude? hmmm

Do we get extra brownie points for being gay? 😆

Any thoughts? hugs

😆 🙂 😆 🙂 😆 thanks Anthony for confirming and 😆 brownie points totally rocks! ta Craig