Hi everyone, I have written a Message to America's Moms in my latest BGBC Blogpost. It's an important one for mothers of gay children to read. I am especially keen to see if I can get this picked up in the States, so if you know anyone or have friends in the States, please share it around – the more, the better. With some help, you never know, it may go viral. And I think it will be helpful. Thanks for your support. I greatly appreciate it. Bless – Stuart.

http://beinggaybeingchristian.blogspot.com.au/2012/04/message-to-americas-moms-so-your-child.html

Hi Stuart,

Just read your message to America's Moms. I read it as a mother, a very supportive mother. It is well written and it's obvious you are passionate about your message. I'm wondering if it's a little too passionate, as you point out you use "an assertive tone". As you mention there are many different things that go through a mother's or father's head when their child tells them they are gay, some you have mentioned. We like many other were very shocked, not hurt, disappointed or angry. We only had love and unconditional love for our son and a deep concern for him and grief for what he must of gone through in his young life trying to come to terms with all this on his own. As you have mentioned, we put blame on ourselves, I felt I had let my son down. To be honest, in the first few days of our son telling us he was gay, me many times in tears, I'm not sure if I read your letter at that time that it would of been helpful. I understand you are trying to get through to the mother's who maybe are not supporting their child and you want to let them know what they can do to do that. I just think you might be being a little too assertive, you have to keep in mind the sadness, hurt, blame, grief etc that the parents may also be going through. They too are vulnerable at this time. They also need support. One thing that really helped us was knowing that other parents also went through the same thoughts and feelings we were having, that we weren't going crazy and we were certainly not alone.

If this is a message to mother's (parents) say down the track a bit in their own journey then it's great. My comments above relate to a mother or father who has just found out, which you do seem to be directing your letter too. These are just my thoughts but they are as a mother. Trust me I get a tad frustrated, annoyed, and shake my head at mother's in particular that don't show their child the love and support they should.

You make some really great points, love how you have listed these out. I actually think your letter is more suited to a larger audience, not just mother's but anyone who has not yet seen the light that you can be Gay and a Christian.

You make this point

Let me tell you what you need to do, although it will be your decision as to whether you do it. You need to use your head. You must find out what you need to know about this. You need to do your homework. This is your kid we’re talking about. You can’t afford to get this wrong. And many people do get it wrong. You don’t want to be one of them.

I think what mother's, father's, siblings need to do is THINK with their HEART, not with their head. It is with the head we use learnt scriptures, past teaching, it is with the head, we hear about the rejection many LGBTI people have felt by their parent's, family and the church. If a parent uses their heart, as we did they will reach out to their child with unconditional love and just love and accept them for who they are.

Sorry if this isn't as affirming of your letter as you would of hoped but I do think it's important that you get feedback from a mother, so you can see how your message will be received by the audience you are directing it at.

I think it's wonderful that you are passionate about educating other's. Not just mother's, but parents, family, friends, the church. You are man full of conviction, strength, faith and courage we need more wonderful educators like yourself.

God Bless

Hi Stuart

I like what Mother Hen has said. And I think it's great that you are trying to reach mothers of gay children..

However my feeling was that the tone of your letter was very directive. You were telling mothers what to do.. And perhaps a few church goers might enjoy that but I'd prefer a more subtle approach. Mind you, I'm not part of your target group since I don't go to church and I'm not a mother. That said, my sense is you need to appeal more to their strengths and tap into their wealth of wisdom.

You said:

Let me tell you what you need to do, although it will be your decision as to whether you do it. You need to use your head. You must find out what you need to know about this. You need to do your homework. This is your kid we’re talking about. You can’t afford to get this wrong. And many people do get it wrong. You don’t want to be one of them.

I get that you're stressing the importance of their child's psychological health and the mother's role in helping ensure this. And this is good. However the tone of this section sounds very directive and fear-driven rather than loving. And I'm wondering if mothers might feel more stressed as they read it than they already are? As Mother Hen eluded to, there needs to be a great emphasis on supports available for mothers. There also needs to be a balance between head and heart.

I hope you don't mind this feedback.

All the best with it,

Ann Maree

Hi Mother Hen and Ann Maree,

This has been troubling for me. On the same day that I received your comments, I also received two comments from two mothers who said that the post was wonderful and needed to be said. So, I've been getting mixed messages. All a bit confusing.

Even though I was trying for something, that in my own head sounded right in its timbre, I think after consideration that in the end, it did not work. Please take another look at the post and you will see that I have re-worked it. It has a much gentler feel to it now.

The post is a much much better piece for your comments.

Bless – Stuart

Hi Stuart,

Yes this is much softer, well done. Thanks for taking on board our comments. It's a wonderful sensitive person who can be open to other's views.

Ha yes I'm not surprised you were a little confused with getting different views and comments, that's what makes it all so interesting and wonderful we are all different. You can't please everyone all the time and you will always get different views. Interesting though that in your first draft you yourself said you were using an "assertive tone" so you already knew this, you just needed a little nudge about it 🙂

I like how you have included the comment from a mother, helps draw the mother's in, your readers :). I still think mother's should think with their heart first. For me first response was to get up, hug my son, tell him how much we love him unconditionally and accept him for who he is. Straight from the heart, what the head had to say or thought did not enter into it, at that first moment. I really do believe that is the response my son wanted and needed and the response many other's on this forum would have like from their parents, some have, which is wonderful. Then after the emotions died down I knew I could think rationally with my head. I could push aside past beliefs, past church teachings, and read information with an open mind. Not only did I push aside my thoughts I also pushed aside my feelings my only concern was my son. Maybe that is what the mother you mentioned was talking about, pushing aside her feelings, so they didn't get in the way and she could think and deal with this all rationally. After all many of us women can be emotional 🙂 As Ann Maree said we are all different and all respond in different ways. Head, Heart, doesn't really matter as long we are there to support, accept and love our child.

Thank you so much for going to the effort you have to help mother's and others understand.

God Bless