Original post: 27 February 2009 – Copied to Telling our Stories
It seems to me that until the partnered gay / lesbian Christian makes the decision with their partner to end and leave their relationship, it would be reasonable to conclude that there are many in our Christian congregations in this category and on a different journey to the closeted married gay or the openly out and let’s end our marriage gay….
What if they (known to each partner, married & gay) do not wish to end their relationship at least not in the foreseeable future? Does this then mean they are being untrue to themselves or living a lie? If we accept that sexuality is more fluid than we first thought and if sexuality is best understood on a continuum scale than this should not be all too surprising. Maybe we need to accept that there are “mixed orientation couples” who are open with each other and are not “hanging in some terrible partnership” out of tragic agony and angst.
Now the notion of “good enough” needs expansion but that’s for another day and another post Razz
Staying on the subject, the “coming out” of such couples will likely take a different form and shape from the ones who clearly want nothing of the intimacy of this kind except in a clearly gay/lesbian relationship. We can assume that the gay is likely to lean towards bi-sexual on the sexuality continuum if he/she is in this kind of relationship. Not uncommonly they may not be strictly bisexual since they may only be “selectively bi” in so far as they will / can only be intimate and partner with a particular member of the opposite gender.
Hence we could say there may be more colours to the rainbow than meets the eye, LOL.
Maybe we need to be “enlightened” enough to not feel our way / cause is being diluted or challenged by anothers’ experience of “resolving” their identity dilemma?
What saddens me though, is that there seems to be even less openness and conversation for such relationships never mind support! By contrast I have found that once you eventually come out as clearly gay/lesbian, there is a lot more help / guidance out there.
It’s as if the gay and straight communities are saying – hey you there, sitting on the fence, get off it! But who says it is a fence and who decides that jumping off one side is better or healthier? Shouldn’t someone who is not bias for one side or the other be able to openly discuss and explore what the individual’s or the couple’s journey, desires and ultimate goals are?
It seems a bit unbalanced and somewhat unjust I feel that the freedom cry to “come out,” be true to yourself before others and your loving Creator God perhaps does not seem to make room for those who do not, yet again, fit our matrix of sexuality, honesty and relationship.
ALL relationships whether gay, heterosexual or mixed orientation do not escape the issues that make any kind of relationship “work” ie. honesty, openness to learn, change and grow out of our limiting thinking and/or behaviours, the ability to give of oneself and receive from others….etc. you get my meaning, I hope.
I haven’t posted in a very long time….I had a lot of thinking and living to do, LOL. I do get onto F2b forums every now and not suprisingly, this forum category is very slow moving; the most active forum is the coming out / telling our stories section. I rest my case, LOL.
Anyway (in the manner of Ellen Degeneres on her show )….I thought since everyone else found such freedom to write and share of themselves I’d take the plunge, catch my thinking onto the written word and wait……… I have NO idea what reponse I’d get or if ANY…oh dear, which is worse I wonder :-0
If can live my Lyfe my way……by not standing in your way as you live yours, I would be honouring you and God who created you in love and that would be a start at least…..
Sincerely
Lyfe
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