My Coming Out

  Page: 1

Joined in 2012
March 1, 2012, 02:52

Well….I was never the most socially aware child and suffered a lot when I was younger..and being kids the odd one out is often marginalised as 'strange' or 'weird'…that was always me.

I was diagnosed with cancer at 13 months old and even after chemo ended at 3 it was an event that would forever shape who I am, and what I did and believed in.

I was raised in a good christian family, mass every sunday, yes, no, please, thankyou….the rulings of the middle class…both my parents were from the country so I was raised to work for what I wanted in life, that getting in and getting your hands dirty was the way to go and not to be afraid of hard work. And I guess that has shaped my views and sexuality too…

I was raised with hospitals and around doctors after the chemo…always afraid of a relapse..always being told and having the latest medical screw up in my life explained to me by doctors until I took to explaining the issues in words my parents understood before the doctors even finished the sentence…I was given the gift of life…and thats what made my journey that much harder.. It wasn't until a few months ago I discovered that these social deficits I had and mis understandings of social situations were due to chemical imbalances that were caused by chemo at such a young age, and being a 'new' area of medicine I was left to suffer growing up, doctors offering nothing more than. 'thats just who he is..thats just unfortunate but we can't do anything about it'.

My mother…was left watching someone who showed so much intelligence to fail exam after exam…be subject to bullying..and horribly low self esteem that I still maintain to this day.

I still don't know what was worse, watching my mother suffer watching me…or being trapped in the prison that had become my own mind and body for myself with no way out.

I always sort of realised I was more attracted to men than women but was either too young or too far in denial to admit it…I first started playing around with boys when I was 12 in highschool after being labled as too sensative to be straight by my peers at an all boys boarding school and thus began the era of using sex to get attention with my peers…my one greatest regret in life…my parents eventually found out and I denied it…my mother asking if I was gay, if I needed it was a mental illness that needed to be treated…that I was sick again. I couldnt be…I couldnt make her suffer again…I couldnt let them down…I just wanted to be normal

And that one mantra kept me in denial for the following 6 years. 'I just want to be normal' and some days..I still do. after halting and denying my feelings for the other males at my school in a physical sense when I was 15..I still looked for porn etc. by 16 it was diagnosed by a councilor I had the mental age of a 26 year old and a reading age of a 32 year old…but my behaviour reflected that of a 12 year old…most days I could pull myself to act my age but there were times I slipped..and my grades never reflected my intelligence. I just didnt get it the same way everyone else did….why couldnt I just be normal??.

Depression set in and for years I hated and loathed myself, and on a few occasions I considered suicide but it wasnt until AFTER I came out that I began to struggle with self harm and alcohol reliance..I was such a horrible person…and why was I given a second chance only to suffer so much, when people much better than me were left to die? I hated and resented my second chance on occasion

After my parents and I grew appart I realised I needed to get away for college and so once offers came in, I applied out of town and moved out of home 2 months after turning 18. And I met her.

My housemate never took my bullshit from the moment I met her. challenging me on my social awkwarness, calling out my wrong doings and sayings she forced me to be social…and taught me how…and told me to 'just give in and admit I was a raging homo and love it' after one such night..I admitted my excapades with fellow students in highschool but how it had never gone past friends with female peers despite my trying.

I was finally out. 2 months later after being introduced to new friends as her gay housemates I admitted I had feelings for wasnt my need to replace my absent relationship with my father, friendship with my fellow male peers..everything those psychology books I read at 15 had told me…no I was simply. gay. And though it wasn't until I met my current boyfriend november of that same year that I could admit I was gay and not bi..I had finally come to terms with my feelings and resolved that I could be normal…and be gay. And if that were the case…God loved everyone…sent Jesus to die for ALL our sins..then I must be forgiven too…and who I was was ok…I was finally ok.

I still suffer with depression and have a lot I need to resolve..I will never be outgoing. and my self esteem will always struggle after years of broken trust..I no longer have issues with self harm but regularly wear wrist bands…but…I'm getting there and I have my bf to thank for keeping me smiling.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
March 1, 2012, 07:47

Hi xXxMidnight BoyxXx

Welcome to f2b! It's great to have you here with us. 🙂 How did you find out about the site?

You're a real survivor aren't you? I can't imagine going through chemo as a baby – but you did and came through it.

How great that you met your housemate and were able to come to terms with your sexuality! Fantastic. And it sounds like you're in a happy relationship which is wonderful too. Congratulations. 🙂

I look forward to hearing more from you. 🙂


Ann Maree

Mother Hen
Joined in 2011
March 1, 2012, 11:44

Hi xXxMidnight BoyxXx,

Welcome to F2B and thank you so much for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to open up and share such personal details about yourself. You have certainly be through a lot in your young life, I pray that things only get better for you. 

Such nasty stuff that chemo, it plays havoc with adults bodies let alone a young child. It is amazing you have survived it all. Shows your inner strength to overcome so much in your life.

So wonderful about your flat mate, sounds like she accepted you for you and helped you accept yourself as well. As well as teaching you some wonderful lessons in life.

It's understandable you suffer with issues of self esteem after all that you have been through. You have shown inner strength and courage, you should be proud of yourself.

It seems things are on the improve for you, which is wonderful. The awesome people at F2B will be able to offer you further support and acceptance. There are some incredible stories on this forum of courageous people like you 🙂

God bless.

Shane Cathcart
Event Coordinator
Joined in 2009
March 1, 2012, 13:12

Hi there,

Thanks for sharing your story, you sound amazingly courageous and brave. Hoping that you will keep us updated as to how your journey is going. Just wondered if, after coming to terms with being gay, how your mum is taking things and how all that is going?

You'll always find support among Freedom2b and hope that you will keep in touch.

Joined in 2011
March 1, 2012, 17:05

Hi xXxMidnightboyxXx,

thanks so much for sharing your story.

No doubt if you have been reading the stories on this site – you will know that there is power in the stories of others to help and encourage. Similarly, the sharing of your own story – your own truth can be quite healing and liberating in and of itself. So a big thank you for contining this dialogue and journey on the site.

Wow! I love the story of your housemate – what a great woman to be supportive in a real and down to earth way – sounds like she was just who you needed in your life at that time. It's amazing how often the right word spoken by the right person at the right time can be quite transformative. (just as the wrong word at the wrong time by the wrong person can diminish or damage).

I look forward to reading more of your story – I have been tremendously supported by many "right words' on the f2be site – I trust and pray you also will find this to be the case.


Joined in 2005
March 1, 2012, 17:55

Hi xXxMidnightBoyxXx

Thanks for telling us your story.

I can empathise in some ways with your story. I spent a lot of time in my youth in hospitals having operations. In some ways I was lucky because I was an experimental case and the results of the operation were fantastic – however that also meant the operation I had became internationally known and I was occassionally taken into the hospital to be looked at and poked by Visiting doctors etc which is not that much fun.

I also I failed many exams until an operation suddenly allowed me to breathe properly and I went from the bottom of the bottom class to somewhere in the middle of the top class – overnight – but Ive never lost that memory of struggling with study….

Of course I was still ¨different¨ and kids treat different kids rather cruelly. So to this day I like reading and TV and walking my dogs – all loner activities – and Im quite shy with people I dont know (although many people dont realise HOW shy or how much effort it takes me to talk to people outside of my comfort zone).

Still – I´ve been with my current partner now for over 10 years – and hes considered to be part of the family by parents, sister, close friends and the F2Be community and I have a great professional network. I am now out to my family and work colleagues (across two companies and three continents) . And even with my shyness and low self esteem – I even manage to co-found an organisation called Freedom2Be ! So know that we can all achieve much if we put our minds to it.

Our Journeys never end – but we progress and its good to see you posting here.

Joined in 2012
March 2, 2012, 01:30

Thanks for the words of support, In terms of my mother…my family and I talk but are distant. I came out to them 5 months into my relationship and the day I found out about the chemical imbalance the chemo had caused…I am currently on medication suppliments to help this but its a day to day thing for now….I found out about this site through a friend as he had just joined not that long ago. They say they are ok with it but I know they only say that as I am their child and after my childhood they are over protective…however they do not like my partner much and see him as a bad influence

Yes I was lucky to have my housemate at that time…she had been through a lot herself and as such didnt take crap from anyone…even me. Clearly its what I needed, I have gone back into my shell a lot since i moved in with my partner though, after failed friendships and more broken trust that awakened issues long ingrained from highschool bullying…but thankyou all for the words of support

Joined in 2005
March 3, 2012, 10:57

Hey there….

I of course don´t know your mother – but I would say there is hope.

My parents were fundamentalist right wing Christians – and my sister made me promise I would never tell them I was gay. They had a selection of books that condemned gays – and occasionally when a huge natural disaster would occur – I would hear comments that is was punishment for the gays. My sister was convinced telling them would kill them (there's also a 50 year age gap between myself and my parents) so by the time I came out they were in the very late 70´s

In the end, a community nurse who was a looking after my mother after a fall – outed me. She was a lesbian – and she picked (probably because I visited one weekend with another gay friend)

My father challenged me and I answered his questions truthfully.

I have to say that my mother never said much – she never mentioned it till just before she died and all she said then was – you make a nice couple.

My father though really struggled with it. Not only did it go against his long held religious beliefs but he had strong personal historical reasons for hating gays.

He didn't throw me out but he would send me bibles and tracts (and I would then write back angry letters delving into the Greek and Hebrew) and he was just horrible to everyone – even neighbours in the small country village where they live rang me up wondering why he was so cranky all the time (he didnt tell them about me) but although it took a few years – he eventually came to terms with it and in the end he became genuinely attached my Partner. He proof read my Parters PHD for him (an enormous task) and he would sometimes ring just to chat to my partner – not me….

Now he introduces us as his two sons – and he writes long pro gay letters to the church newsletter and local papers if he sees anything he finds anti Gay.

Of course, I don´t know the people involved. Not everyone´s story has a full reconciliation in it. However I can say it can happen and it sometimes takes a while. Its a big paradigm shift.

Do you know about Shelley argent ? She runs PFLAG brisbane

There is a great documentary on her that was run ( I lost my copy unfortunately – but given Shelley is chief of the mardi gras parade this year

hopefully they will rerun it – and it might be helpful to get your mum to watch it.

Also are you aware of PFLAG. Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. They can be very supportive and it can be a huge challenge getting a parent to go but it can be helpful. There was a good doco on PFLAG sydney also…. I might be able to get a copy of that if u think it would help….

So in short (I always ramble on – sorry) in time your mum may come around. These things often take time.


Joined in 2005
March 3, 2012, 19:59

Hey there – as an Addendum to my previous post – I wondered if you had read this post

Whilst not appropriate in every case – and only you can judge whether its a good idea or a really bad one – but you might consider asking your mum to read it (if if you just print it out)


Joined in 2008
March 6, 2012, 20:07

Hi Midnightboy,

Welcome to freedom2b! Thankyou for sharing your story with us ;). It really is quite a journey you have had and continue to have! We hope you will find some healing and support with us. There are many stories available for you to read, if you wish, that can be inspiring and greatly encouraging 🙂 There is also a great resource section if you need it

I look forward to seeing you on the forum!

Warm regards


  Page: 1
WP Forum Server by ForumPress | LucidCrew
Version: 99.9; Page loaded in: 0.078 seconds.