Hi there

Thanks for your post. I want to say I appreciate you posting and I know that it's a difficult time for you. Mums often know I believe but it's still difficult and emotional when you are told. There are hopes and dreams (yours and the ones you have for him) that die when you hear those words. There are fears for him. As you say – you are scared for him. However – you still love him and you are right – he is the same person – and in fact – you know him better now. And thats a great thing – for him and you.

One thing that might be hard to understand – but I do want to note – is that he didn't ¨choose¨ to be gay. We are made that way and I hasten to add – you didnt make him gay. The science of what makes is gay is very complicated and there are multiple pathways that lead to it. It's not appropriate to go into here… but the evidence is such that the medical profession, Psychologists and Psychiatrists through their professional bodies now officially accept we are born gay. No choice involved.

I can tell you that I am now out to ALL my friends and family. My 93 year old father defends me to anyone who dares make any judgmental comment about me (he lives in a tiny country village of about 500 people). I have been out at work for over a decade. I am a Godfather to a lovely girl whose parents are very devout Christians and my partner and I are full members of their family. I am out to my straight neighbours in a working class suburb in Sydney (not a traditional gay Suburb by any means) and we socialise with them in our homes and at the pubs. A year or so back I worked for the UN Overseas and they recognised my same sex partner. My partner and I are coming up for our 12 anniversary. It's not a perfect world – but my experience is – most people are quite supportive these days. Being gay should not be such a big issue now (I know it is sometimes but it doesn't have to be).

Now what can you do – Posting on here is a great start. If you have any specific questions – that will help us deal with specific worries and issues you have. I don't know where you are – but coming along to a freedom2b chapter meeting if you are in Sydney,Melbourne or Brisbane – might help (with your son) Also – I would strongly recommend Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. (PFLAG) http://www.pflagaustralia.org.au/ Other parents will relate to what you are going through – having been through it themselves. So either email them or find a chapter nearby and attend that. That's a start – there's many more resources as well but I wanted to get a reply out there.

Hang in there… many of us know what you are going through..

Let me (as many others will) reassure you that what you're going through is quite normal. The next few months will be a time of adjustment, grieving and lots of learning. But through all of it, you will grow closer to your son and quite likely the rest of your children too. He will still need you too!

I'm encouraged that you took the time to search for and find a site like this, and post your story. That's one of the first steps. And you will discover that there are MANY like you that have gone through the same thing. Ask them as many questions as you can!! The groups listed above will be helpful, but don't discount some counselling to help you work through things if it gets to be really difficult.

I'm in Eastern Melbourne. If you're anywhere close by, I'm happy to meet up and chat. Alternatively, we can talk on the phone. Just send me a private message if you're interested.

Many folk here will be thinking of you, praying for you and walking the journey with you. Don't feel like you're doing it alone.

Peace and hope.

Rev Matt Glover

Hi Anonymous73,

First up I’m so pleased you have found this site, I commend your courage in posting and seeking help, that really is the first step of trying to get your head around all this. Also wow that is so wonderful amazing that you showed your love and support for your son. Not all mothers do.

I’m also mum of a gay son, I’m on this site to support him and all the other wonderful LGBT people on this site. I really know where you are coming from, so please know I do have some understanding of what you are going through. Feelings are not logical, they don’t make sense but you feel what you feel and that is ok. If you have not read it already can I suggest you read my story of my son coming out to my husband and I, it was 15mths ago. http://www.freedom2b.org/forums/a-proud-mum-my-story-t1544/ It’s a place to start and then I’m more than happy to answer any questions you may have and help you through this difficult time. Feel free to Private Message me on this site if you want to talk more privately. There are also some other mother’s on this site Helen her story is here http://www.freedom2b.org/forums/mother-of-gay-son-who-loves-and-accepts-him-as-he-is-t1153/

Everything you are feeling and thinking is normal and ok, I visited the PFLAG site when my son came out to us and just knowing all the thoughts and feelings I was having was normal and other parents had them and I wasn’t going crazy was such a relief.

One mother to another, I’m here to help you, you will get through this, the first week is tough, I cried on and off for the week like I’ve never cried before, it gets better, the fog clears, confusion leaves. You will get through this.

God bless

Hi Anonymous73

Welcome to f2b! You have found a supportive, loving place here. There are many members and visitors who can relate to what you are going through.

This is a time of grieving and adjustment for you, and as Mother Hen said, it's not logical or easy to get your head around. Please know that you won't be in this place forever and things will get better for you. Mother Hen and other parents here can attest to that too.

PFLAG is an excellent organisation. If ever there was an example of God's love on earth, it's personified by that group, in my opinion. I'm glad you have their number and can only reinforce that you call them when ready to do so.

As others have said also, there are many here who will be only too happy to discuss things with you, to listen and share experiences so do take up any offers to send a private message. You can message me too.

I echo what shadow boxer said, that we have plenty of resources you can access as you need them. However I imagine that at this time when you're feeling totally overwhelmed, it might just help to engage with others here who have been where you are and come out the other side.

We are here for you in whatever way we can be of support.

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Hi Anonymous 73

You have found a wonderful place where people really do understand and are very supportive.

We feel for you in processing this. While it is important to give yourself time, I am sure you will grow closer to your son through it all. In some ways what you are going through is a grieving process and that will pass in time.

I am gay myself, medically proven, and I came out to my children (40 and 37) a year or so ago. That was not easy, but I am so glad I did it. It cannot be changed. Many other parents have learned, they would not want it changed for their children either. It's a wonderful part of who you son is. He has taken a big step and isn't it wonderful he felt he could tell you.

You are definitely not to blame. Your son will be fine. I was most encouraged to hear you say he is still your son and that you love him just the same. Try to learn to be proud of him as your gay son. I'm sure that would mean the world to him to know that.

Another wonderful person is Mrs Shelley Argent, President of a group called Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. When you are ready, if you wanted to, Shelley has helped many parents through just what you are dealing with. Her son is gay and he was in the Qld Police force for many years. But Motherhen here is a very special Mum of a gay son here too.

We have a great group of gay Christians here. They include several doctors, a school principal, an accountant, a computer programmer, manager in a large electricity company, several ministers, an architect, several high school teachers etc. We are just ordinary people who just happen to be gay and it is just fine.

Thinking of you

David (Rev)