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My story - gay christian man from brazil 25 years old

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f.cal.faria
 
Joined in 2011
October 13, 2011, 04:24

Hi All,


My name is Filipe, I am 25 years old and I am from Brazil. My father is a doctor, my mother is psychologist. I have 2 older brothers, Tide (lawyer) and Rafa (psychologist). I am a business/marketing professional. All my family is Christian and we have been always involved with church activity and leadership.


I know I am gay since my 11 years old and since that I have been trying to change. In that time I believed that me and God would be able to fix this “problem”. For fourteen years I cryed out to God for a change. I always chose to be heterosexual and I believed that be a gay was something against God’s will.


My “fight” against homosexuality was very painful, and I tried many different things and some of that I will share in this forum. First I read all Christians and psychology books I could (we have many of them in my house) and it didn’t work, most of them doesn’t had an answer they just help to understand why that happens. I tryed to pray and fast. I had a phase that I even tried to look for naked woman picture trying to condition my brain to feel pleasure with those images (it was just a phase, but yea I tried it). After I had 2 beautiful Christian girlfriends and I really tried to enjoy them as a heterosexual and nothing of that worked.


I decided that if I couldn’t be heterosexual I wouldn’t have a homosexual life because God didn’t allow that and I always loved Him more than anything else. Everybody admired me and saw me as an example of a Christian life, but I was really unhappy. I start to be depressed, I stop my university and for 6 months I didn’t leave my room. I started psychological and psychiatrist therapy and I was diagnostic with depression. In that time I stop to pray for a change and I start to pray for death. I wish leave all that and when I spoke with God I told him “I am living in the hell, please take me to heaven because I don’t want to live anymore”. All i want was to die.


After some therapy I went to Australia and lived there for one year, it was good, I was away from all pressure of family and friends and I had a refresh year in a wonderful country. Oh and I finally met Hillsong. In that year I was really alone but I was enjoying that because be with people was hurting me a lot.


During all this time I had many faith crises, I didn’t understand why God didn’t change me because I know he has the power to make this change. Then I began to feel that something wasn’t right and some force made me start study the bible. I made a very long research and I start to understand things in a different way. As more as I read more I felt free and loved by Christ. I discover that God doesn’t condem homossexuality.


On August 2011 I came out to my family and some friends and now I am a Christian gay man. I am happy with my new life, I am happy because I don’t have to lie anymore, Happy because I am free of condemnation.


I miss places for Christians gay man in Brazil, I miss good inclusive churches. Maybe one day we can have a freedom2be Brazil.


Well, im glad to share my history with everybody else.


Thanks for read that!


Filipe Faria


obs- Sorry If I made English mistakes =P



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
October 13, 2011, 11:05

Hi Filipe


It’s wonderful to have you with us. 🙂 By the way, how did you hear about freedom 2b?


Congratulations in being able to come out to your family and friends and be happy as a gay Christian man. How have your family and friends responded?


I’m interested to know what turned things around for you in your own bible studies… like what you discovered in the bible that helped you find a new understanding and reach acceptance about your sexuality in relation to your faith.


Thanks for sharing with us. I hope you enjoy the support that many of us have found here.


Blessings,


Ann Maree



Mother Hen
 
Joined in 2011
October 13, 2011, 18:14

Wow Filipe, it’s so wonderful to have you here and for you to share your story.


You are around my son’s age and as I was reading your story I was thinking of him and his journey. Like him and so many other’s on this forum there are so many things that are similar with your story. After trying all the things you mentioned he also did his own bible study and came to realize you can be gay and a Christian. So glad you have found a place where you still feel loved and accepted by God.


Like Ann Marie said it would be good if you could share what things turned around for you in your own bible study. What things impacted you that you were able to change your beliefs. The reason we ask is so many on this forum are still struggling with being Gay Christian. They have not reconciled the scriptures with their faith yet. Your story could help those who are still struggling and in pain.


It’s so great to have you on the forum and yes it would be wonderful to have a F2B in Brazil 😀


God Bless



f.cal.faria
 
Joined in 2011
October 17, 2011, 22:36

Hi! Thanks for posting here!


Sorry for the delay, I was in a trip.


So answering you the first thing I did was identify where are the references about homosexuality in the bible. I had already heard it but I didn’t know where they were.


I found references in genesis, lev 18:22 // 20:13, romans 1:26-27, 1 cor 6:9, 1 timothy 1:10. I started to check how the bible were translated as well.


By that time I found some internet videos from inclusive churches and the movie “what the bible says”. When I watched that movie I was touched because I could see I was in the right direction.


I read some theological essays about bible, translation, original manuscripts and I compared 5 different bible version on the same texts in Portuguese. It was a good thing because I could see old translation can be very different from current (at least in Portuguese). For example, the text 1 Samuel 1:1-4if you compare different translation you will see how it changed.


Contemporary English Version: 1 As soon as David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan’s life[a] became bound up with David’s life, and Jonathan cared about David as much as he cared about himself.[b] 2 From that point forward, Saul kept David in his service[c] and wouldn’t allow him to return to his father’s household. 3 And Jonathan and David made a covenant together because Jonathan cared about David as much as he cared about himself. 4 Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his armour, as well as his sword, his bow, and his belt.


NVI translation: 1 After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. 2 From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return home to his family. 3 And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. 4 Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.


NKJ translation: 1 Now when he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. 2 Saul took him that day, and would not let him go home to his father’s house anymore. 3 Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. 4 And Jonathan took off the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armour, even to his sword and his bow and his belt.


God’s Word: 1David finished talking to Saul. After that, Jonathan became David’s closest friend. He loved David as much as he loved himself. 2(From that day on Saul kept David as his servant and didn’t let him go back to his family.) 3So Jonathan made a pledge of mutual loyalty with David because he loved him as much as he loved himself. 4Jonathan took off the coat he had on and gave it to David along with his battle tunic, his sword, his bow, and his belt.


HCSB: 1 When David had finished speaking with Saul, JJonathan committed himself to David, and loved him as much as he loved himself. 2 Saul kept David with him from that day on and did not let him return to his father’s house. 3 Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as much as himself. 4 Then Jonathan removed the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his military tunic, his sword, his bow, and his belt.


WYC: 1 And it was done, when David had ended to speak to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was glued together to the soul of David, that is, (they were) joined together by the glue of charity, (or of love,) that may not be broken, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul (and Jonathan loved him as much as he loved his own life). 2 And Saul took David in that day, and granted not to him, that he should turn again into the house of his father. (And from that day on, Saul kept David with him, and would not allow him to return to his father’s house.) 3 And Jonathan and David made a bond of peace; for Jonathan loved David as his own soul; (And Jonathan and David made a covenant; for Jonathan loved David as much as he loved his own life;) 4 for why Jonathan unclothed himself from the coat that he was clothed in, and he gave it to David, and his other clothes, unto his sword and his bow, and unto his girdle.


If you compare the bold parts, you will be able to observe that there are small differences of meaning from one to another. If you get Portuguese version the differences are even “bigger”. My point here is the bible as we know is a translation and some words can’t be precisely translated. I lived in Australia and some jokes, for example, just make sense in Australia, if you tell to a Brazilian he won’t laugh and vice versa. The bible must be read with the understanding of context and time. Some words change they’re meaning with the time and other words get new meanings and other words are substitute.


I was decided to leave Brazil because I was almost full convinced and the Holy spirit kept me showing the way. I was getting touched by the love of God as much as I was studying those things. Then I discover freedon2be and I watched some Ben’s movies on youtube. I found him on facebook and I sent him an e-mail. He answered me and gave me some soulforce material. For me that was like a confirmation from God, I was in the right direction and those studies and testimonies changed everything.


Some churches were inviting exodus people to testify they’re cure, and watch the leaders of it saying that it wasn’t truth help me understand that.


I will make a summary of what I believe now.


Genesis: God made the woman to men. Ok, that doesn’t exclude the rest options.


Sodom and Gomorra: Ezekiel 16:49 – Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters had pride, much food, and too much rest, but she did not help those who were poor and in need.


Lev 18:22: It is a historical context, we need to understand it. and lev says a lot of other things that no one follow because everybody knows it is a historical context. Ex. Lev:7:23-27


Romans: My nature is homosexual. I have never ever felt desire for women. Be against my nature is be in a relation with a woman. I know many gay men that are married and he and his wife are unhappy, every time almost divorcing. I think that is the truth meaning, to be honest with who you really are and don’t abandon you true nature.


1 cor 6:9, 1 timothy 1:10: is a miss translation. The NVI translation, for example, uses for the same word 2 different meanings in these 2 passages. The truth meaning of it is malakoi. It means pervert or affeminate man.


How about the people that say they are ex-gay by the power of God – I think there are people bisexual that can have desire for both sex and some other people just want to be accepted even if they are gay.


My testimony is: I know I can’t have a erection with pleasure with a woman and I know if she really stimulates me it would be a pain be condemn to a life like that. can you imagine 3 time per week? Make a woman unhappy? Have a failure married? hehehe One day I considered that but today I know the love of God! =D


Well that was a summary, most things in my research are in Portuguese and I tried to translate everything, I hope I was clear.


God bless you all and it is very good to know that I am not alone. Thanks God for each one of you and one day homosexuals and heterosexuals will live in love with each other, maybe here, maybe we will see it, but in heaven for sure we will be all together.


Regards.



ashtroboy
 
Joined in 2010
October 20, 2011, 20:10

Hello Filipe


Thank you for sharing your story.

It’s too easy to focus just on the problems in our own backyard, and forget that GLBT people everywhere are dealing with the same choices & pressures.


Isn’t such a weight of your shoulders when you finally tell someone?


^_^



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
October 21, 2011, 08:07

Hi again Filipe


You did a great job going through the scriptures like you did. Thanks for explaining how you arrived at your beliefs – and yes it was clear. 🙂


It’s a relief when you can do the research and come to peace and acceptance, isn’t it?


Blessings,


Ann Maree



f.cal.faria
 
Joined in 2011
October 21, 2011, 16:04

Hello Filipe


Thank you for sharing your story.

It’s too easy to focus just on the problems in our own backyard, and forget that GLBT people everywhere are dealing with the same choices & pressures.


Isn’t such a weight of your shoulders when you finally tell someone?


^_^


Hi Astro boy,


Thanks for porsting here 🙂


Too be honest with you the weight in my shoulder now is see my parents (specially my mom) ashamed of me. Its funny because as soon as I came out they “went inside” (they started to hide). I wish they be proud of who I am.


Things are not perfect, I am still missing gay christians friends and in Brazil the majortiy of population have a lack of education for and one of the results of that is the discrimination. Howerver coming out was one of the best things I did and I am relieved that I did it.


Well everything is new for me and each new day I am having a diferent expirience and I know God is with me.

🙂



f.cal.faria
 
Joined in 2011
October 21, 2011, 16:12

Hi again Filipe


You did a great job going through the scriptures like you did. Thanks for explaining how you arrived at your beliefs – and yes it was clear. 🙂


It’s a relief when you can do the research and come to peace and acceptance, isn’t it?


Blessings,


Ann Maree


Definitely!


But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. “. (James 3:17).


Thanks Maree



ashtroboy
 
Joined in 2010
October 21, 2011, 22:52

Just remember, God wouldn’t place hurdles in our lives, if we weren’t capable of leaping over them.


If things were simple & easy, you wouldn’t appreciate & respect the outcome of facing your challenges & becoming a stronger human being.


Hold your head high, & trust in the fact that you are exactly as God made you.


Path your own journey. But know you are not alone ^_^



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
October 23, 2011, 12:33

hey Filipe…..glad to see you took my advise and posted here……you will get lots of support here…..more than I am capable of giving. Great bunch of people..,…..in Freedom 2 b[e]…….and a number also attend Hillsong…..and are out.


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