One thing always leads to another

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Joined in 2011
May 19, 2012, 13:22

I've been REALLY quiet on the f2b front for over a year now. I still receive emails from AVB and avidly follow the goings on of the community on another website as well as here.

A few weeks ago I was at a venue and met a fantastic guy, we chatted about all things Christian, gay, and how we view the relationships we have with God and our fellow man. It's been an astonishingly refreshing to meet this man. Last night we attended the f2b meeting here in Melbourne and I was astounded to see some familiar faces, here some familiar stories, and for my friend and I further reason to talk into the early hours of Saturday morning.

While I certainly enjoyed the discussions of last nights meeting, hearing a little of three other people's lives, this left me with more questions. In particular how one traverses the journey from a fundamentalist Christian upbringing to where these people are today; whether that be polyamory, bi sexuality and even a life choosing to be celibate and in the ministry as a bi or gay person.

My overwhelming thought is how does Jesus view our lives and relationships when we share them with someone of the same gender, or share our lives with many people in a polyamorous situation, and of course in a celibate life where someone has no sexual sharing at all.

Some positions are easier to fathom, for instance, Avril is a celibate minister. Somehow, and quite naively, it seems easier to accept this and this is possibly so since I have been taught the virtue of giving your life solely to the ministry as Paul wrote in his letters. I pondered on another verse where "all things are permissible, but not all things are profitable" and one might subscribe to the catholic notion of the priesthood where sexual relationships do not profit their ministry or service to it. This thought process is as equally applicable regardless of our gender identity.

The situation of bisexuality, and in particular when one is married, raised the possibility of how monogamy is maintained and should it be maintained. Our guest testified as to how he experienced a sexual encounter outside his marriage. Does bisexuality then inherently involve extramarital affairs, and specifically, with someone of the same gender to oneself? Or does ones bisexuality inevitably lead to a choice being made when a long term relationship is desired to choose one gender in favour of another? These questions then led to the issue of polyamory.

I understood polyamory to be where 3 or more people have a love for one another as in the more traditional relationships our society espouses. I know a "trouple" here in Melbourne, 3 guys, who have lived together as a relationship for over 15 years. It is very, very obvious these three men love each other, are devoted to each other and share each other. They also choose to open there 'trouple' to having another or more in a group sex situation. All are men. I understood the degree of polyamory may be exclusive, that is a group choose to love each other to the exclusion of others, and others may choose to have open polyamorous relationships. I suppose the latter is, as my dad would contend, a free for all!

It was yet another paradigm to hear about polyamory in a bisexual realm as well. At this point the shear combinations and permutations of sexuality can become incomprehensible and confusing. The concept truly stretches my mind and challenges my notions of what relationships are within my Christian teachings.

I wonder, what was Gods design about his creation, US, created in his likeness, when it comes to relationships that involve that level of intimacy, of getting naked and sharing our bodies, seeking pleasure from others, and the emotional and spiritual connections that often times come with this? How does all of this manifest Gods love, in a way that glorifies him, and strengthens the very base needs of God and man: Love, acceptance, and forgiveness? While all things are permissible, are all things profitable?

Food for thought I reckon!

Joined in 2008
May 19, 2012, 21:05

Hi Marc

It was fantastic to see so many come along to the meeting last night and I do apologise for not being able to spend more time chatting with you! Your story really is fascinating and we appreciate you sharing it with us. Unfortunately our hurts are part of our journey but it's good to know we can gain support from each other.

The panel of speakers last night were certainly diverse and we tried to approach the evening with inquirey. We can all say we learnt something new! Thank you so much for coming along and we hope to see you again :))

Warm regards


Joined in 2011
May 20, 2012, 12:09

Thanks heaps Michelle, and yes it was a great night, great reason to be there, great topics of conversation. The "must haves" in f2b, I believe, is for everyone to tell their story, express their feelings, share their experiences, explain their belief, and ask more questions…and all that without judgement!

I do find the "S's" of life complex, Sex, Spirituality, Sharing; it's about what constitutes our 'being', and how we interact with people. One of the conversations I've entered in to after AVB encouraged me back to the spiritual fold after so long away from it all, is we don't need to act out a behaviour, or culture, but rather that our creator want us to just 'be', to accept that no works, effort, or denial of self, will ever change how God loves us. His graciousness is huge, and gay people do need to dwell in a place of 'being' rather than trying to be the many things we are not to fit in.

The subject of Fridays meeting certainly exposes the complexity of human experience, and challenges us (me) to know what grace is all about and allow those we interact with to just 'be'! I can think of no better name for our group Freedom 2 be, I think it is inspired!

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