hey Daniel
Some lines from your original post have stuck in my mind
"i still feel I'm living half a life… Any how I'm still a happy guy just looking to what next…"
so whilst all our journey's are unique ( and we are all unique as well) I thought I might share some observations from my Journey and from where I am now that may help…..
Currently I live with my partner of over 10 years. We live in the'burbs. Our neighbours on one side have lived the whole lives within this suburb (or the surrounding ones) and nearing retirement – they just took their first trip overseas. The neighbours on the other side are strong devout catholics and right wing voters. We are out to them and we go to each others places for dinners and movie nights. and discuss the football (although to be honest we are more AFL fans and they are more NFL fans but we join in)
We are both out to all our family. That took some doing. My parents used to burn school books they didnt like. and it there was a few rough years when I they asked me if I was gay (it was agreed that I should never tell my parents that but when they asked )…. and in time – we are now a part of each others family. My father proof read my partners Phd for him (a large and arduous undertaking) and on work trips my partner goes to visit my father – by himself…..
I am out at work – and have been for the last 4 or 5 jobs that I have had. In fact now – I come out in the interview. ( I do work in one of the traditionally Gay professions though – (Hair, care, air and IT – and Im in IT !) and so we socialise with many straight work colleagues from my work and my partners work.
I will say that it was my church friends that have changed most since i came out… quite a number were "uncomfortable" with me being Gay – and so we drifted apart – but a number werent – and although it took time to find them – over time – I found other friends and in hindsight I think they were better people I am happier with them as friends than those I lost…. but it takes time to realise that of course… losing friends is not easy ever…
but heres the point Im trying to make…everyone is different… but whilst we are gay – and have gay friends and like a good gay comedy like "Adam and steve" etc. we dont define ourselves by our "gayness" and we dont live in a gay ghetto.
IN fact – fact as far as who we socialise with and what we do socially – we just live in the day to day world.
Me I like AFL, I like exploring national parks and country towns. I like fast cars, motorbikes and computers and scifi.
I think its good to have gay friends. They provide support and understanding of life as a gay man – and increase the chance of meeting you perfect match….
I recommend building a network of gay friends and so social clubs are a great way to do that … sports etc
BUT I would also say whats more important is to build up a network of friends who like doing what you like doing – and dont worry if they are gay, straight or queer – and I think its a great thing to aim to reach a point where is doesnt matter – (and just as or perhaps more importantly – whose values match your values – and Ill come back to this) and who just accept you for you. Me – Im a shy it Geeky mathematician – and its taken me a long while to build up such a network – over time – its worth it….
and one final note…. some of my friends now are atheists. Some are buddhists. BUT one thing I have learned is that I prefere friends with rigorous value systems and a strong sense of right and wrong and social justice that mesh with mine. I was taught that this wasnt possible for non christians – (unevenly yoked and all that) but Ive met many who call themselves christian whose ethics appall me (and many are are great) so what Im trying to say is one thing Ive learned in building a network of friends.. is that I have found what people believe in (and their gender and their sexuality) is far less important than their value system. Understand your value system and seek out those that share it – and that will be a good basis for lasting networks.
I am gay. Thats part of who I am – but it doesnt define me. If people cant accept me for who I am – thats their loss and my experience as taught me that in the long term its always been my gain !
Hope thats helpful
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