Scott- 18 and openly gay Christian

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Joined in 2007
June 5, 2010, 23:08

Hi everyone,

My name is Scott, I am 18. I attended a Freedom to b[e] meeting for the first time last night. Anthony suggested that I post a bit of my story here. So here goes….

I was born and raised in a family that came from the high-church Anglican tradition. My family had a falling out with the Anglican church when I was little, which made my Dad leave the Church altogether, whilst my Mum swapped across to the Uniting Church. Although I attended Church, we never talked about God, and I had no interest in Sunday School- I was the clown that always got kicked out hehe.

During my later primary school years, one of the people in charge of me… abused their position.

When I hit high school, I made friends with all of the Christian kids. Of my group of friends, I became very close with one boy. We started a physical ‘relationship’, which lasted close to 5 years on and off. I broke off our agreement halfway through year 12, he had several girlfriends in that time and it became obvious I was never going to be anything more than a good time (excuse my lewdness).

At any rate, as a 13 year old I was not mentally prepared for that kind of relationship. I developed severe depression in mid- 2005 and had strong body image problems. I began self-harming, and began also to binge eat, only to stick my fingers down my throat a short while later to bring all of it up again. It was at this point on Remembrance Day in 2005 that my friends took me along to Hillsong Church, which was more relevant and allowed me to connect to God like never before. It was in that first service, that I put up my hand to receive Christ into my life.

As 2005 came to an end, I was slipping further and further into a deep, and at this point undiagnosed, depression. I became suicidal and these thoughts ruled much of what I did. I decided to talk to someone about it, one of my friends in school. It is a extremely lucky that he decided to tell my bible study leader, as the day he confronted me about it was the day I had planned to be my last. I was then given help. I was also given the opportunity to talk through some of my issues with a therapist over the next few months. I never mentioned the harmful relationship as I didn’t see a connection at the time


Up until this point, I had never thought about sexual orientation or attraction. I had enough on my plate as it was. However as 2006 went on, I began to realise that I was gay, and made the decision to tell my bible study leader. He was the first person I told, because of how he had handled everything else with my depression and everything, it wasn’t until later that I learnt he had had several friends of his kicked out of the Church because of their sexual orientation. As a result of seeing their pain, he treated it extremely tenderly, but suggested I talk to a pastor about it in mid-2007. I told him about the primary school experiences and about the relationship (he was utterly disgusted with me).

It was amazing timing, because the youth dept of my Church had employed a counselor to whom I was referred (the “Wildlife Mum”- if you are reading this I still have a CD you leant me and I had/still have every intention of giving it back, sorry!). She was AMAZING, telling me that homosexuality was normal. If it had been any other counselor, I would probably gone through the ex-gay programs and whatever else… God only knows where I would be now except for her. From reading other people’s stories, I cannot imagine it could have been a very healthy place.

Fast forward to now, and I have just come out to my parents, and come out more fully in the Church. I love God, and I love who I am.

And my journey continues…

Joined in 2008
June 6, 2010, 11:46

Hi Scott,

Welcome to freedom2b[e]. Thanks for sharing your story here on the forum. Life is indeed a journey, albeit sometimes a painful one, but we know that there is always light at the end of every tunnel! It’s great that you have accepted yourself for who you really are.

As you say, the journey continues …

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
June 6, 2010, 14:24

Hi Scott

Welcome to f2b!

Wow! You’ve done really well and in such a short time. 🙂 Congratulations!!

Thank God for good counsellors, and ones who are accepting of homosexuality – and – in the church!! What a miracle! For a moment there, when I got to that part of your story, I feared she would be trying to steer you down an ex gay route, but thankfully not so.

The bible study leader sounded very understanding too – how fantastic. If only these two individuals knew how crucial their roles and decisions were, and how healing their actions. Do you know how rare this is in church circles to find wise and open-minded Christian leaders like that? Is the pastor whom you said was “utterly disgusted” with you still part of your church life? I’m wondering what makes you think that he was actually disgusted with you… I mean, are you sure he wasn’t disgusted with the adult person who took advantage you, rather than you?

Indeed the journey continues.. onward and upward for you, I’d say. You don’t sound so depressed anymore. Would that be fair to say?

Thanks so much for sharing your story. What an inspiration!

I hope we hear more.


Ann Maree

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
June 6, 2010, 15:37

Hi again Scott

Oh how great that you can share this with your leader, and yes, do pass on my words of affirmation to him. 🙂

Thanks for clarifying about your experience with the pastor. A lot of people would not be comfortable knowing that such a young person was sexually active when you were, especially given there had been past abuse. No doubt he would have been worried that you were vulnerable again. So it may be about those things rather than him reacting to the gay bit. Or he might have had issues with homosexuality – hard to know. Some people are not comfortable with sex at all, of any kind, which is more about them than you, and has less to do with orientation. Factors like age, upbringing, beliefs etc come into it and there was probably a generational difference in the pastor’s thinking compared to yours. Of course, I’m just guessing and don’t know for sure. However it’s worth noting that peoples’ expressions can often be about their own discomfort and have nothing to do with you although it’s easy to see why we can personalise those responses. Does that make sense?

I can understand why you are so grateful. Yours is a fantastic success story, and your church leaders played a major role in supporting and helping you grow along the way. This renews my faith in Christian leaders and the hope that more are becoming like this. I’m sure your story will be an encouragement to many others here as well. 🙂


Ann Maree

Joined in 2007
June 6, 2010, 15:40

Hi again,

Yes, I wish I could thank my counsellor… But time has separated us, and I am only left with a first name and some sketchy details… I got my leader (who is now one of my closest friends) to read it just now. He definently knows how much he means to me- and that he quite literally saved my life- on more than just that one occasion. I will pass on your kind words.

He pointed out the same mistake in my story as well as you did. I think I should clarify.. the disgust I was referring to was at the details of the parts of my sex life at the time that I was actively pursuing. The look on his face when I told him that I’d been in a sexual relationship, at that stage, for 2 years I cannot wipe from my memory. He is quite a well-known speaker. He was disgusted that a 15yr old could be in that position, I think is a more accurate description of what I meant. he definently was not disgusted at me for what happened to me and I definently do not hold anything against him.

I have been absolutely blessed by the awesome people I have been brought around. My leader and my counsellor, and many others more recently. My story would be extremely different- and getting to this point would take many more years.

I am no longer depressed at all. I still have to catch up with the first therapist occasionally though.

Joined in 2007
June 6, 2010, 17:11

Hi Anne Maree,

Yes, I can understand what you are saying. I agree, and from my own experiences I have definently learnt not to judge a book by it’s cover. We cannot truly know what someone else is thinking… All I can say is how it made me feel. And, his facial expression and some of his words when I was talking about what I was doing definently were interpreted by me as saying ‘you are disgusting’- and that definently had a lasting impact. Regardless of his intent, even if it had indeed been to try let me know he was standing with me against what happened.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to shed light on that- I don’t want to cast blame onto anyone for how I felt about my sexuality

And also thanks Pierre for welcoming me to Freedom 2 b[e]… Exciting times ahead!

Joined in 2010
June 6, 2010, 19:13

Well… I wrote a comment…. Then walked away without saving. Typical.

Welcome Scott 😀

Awesome work goes on here… Hoping you will get as much out of this site as I have 🙂


Joined in 2007
June 6, 2010, 22:23

Haha Shan,

Story of my life! I get distracted halfway through writing a post/Facebook email/anything on the internet and decide to go look at another website… and all of a sudden the long email I’ve just written is gone. 😛

Thanks for the welcome 🙂

Joined in 2007
June 7, 2010, 17:52

Hi Scot.

Welcome to F2B. Hope you find this place to be supportive and encouraging.

Are you still at Hillsong church?

There are a few F2Bers that go there regularly. I’m one of them (in the city)

Take care


Joined in 2007
June 7, 2010, 18:41

Hi Nick,

Thanks :bigsmile:

I do attend Hillsong still. I am at the Hills Campus.. 🙂

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