Hello 🙂
Well, i was going around different LGBT christian related websites and i stumbled upon this site. Thought that i might start by introducing myself and telling my story.
I’m currently an international student in the University of Newcastle, in my second year of B. Architecture. I’m from Malaysia but have a Chinese background.
So… basically, i became a christian at the end of 2005. Dad’s a born Catholic, mom’s a Buddhist. Dad stop going to church when he was 12 and mom’s a buddhist till the extent of what her mom tells her to do. haha a nice mixture of religion huh! i have 3 siblings, one free thinking/atheist bro n 2 younger sisters who are very keen to learn about christianity 🙂 praise God!
i never really “found out” i was a lesbian. it was more like i grew up never really having any sort of attraction for guys. at all. of course i faked it to seem normal to my friends, but it gets tiring, it gets exhausting. feeling as though you just wanna burst out confessing who you really are!!
but being a malaysian and being from a chinese background, it’s a huge no-no to be anything sort of “abnormal”. malaysia is a muslim country and is ruled by a malay government. if you’re malay in malaysia, you’re automatically a muslim. haha it’s complicated… i know! but yeah, that’s how it is. so homosexuality is banned. if caught, you’ll basically be sent to prison + other consequence.
being from a chinese background family, we have to sort of “protect” the name of our family, being a lesbian wont help much in doing that! so, again with the pressure! every time there’s a family gathering, all my relatives will be saying things like “you better hurry and find a good boy, when you get old, all the good ones will be taken!” or “such a nice young lady like you, you’re still single? i know you wont be for long! hurry and go find yourself a nice tall boy!” and such…
so yeah… basic responds is to laugh and smile. it’s neutral! imagine the horror when they find out i’m a lesbian! ABOMINATION!
most of my friends are christians, non of my christian friends are GLBT (even if there were, i don’t know of any). i dont have any close non-christian friends that are GLBT. so i dont really have anyone to talk to or to relate to.
i came out to a few christian friends and my pastor tho. last year. one gave me the O.O!! OMGOSH look and avoided talking about it with me. another 2 friends were really supportive and open to understanding a GLBT accepting God, which i’m really thankful and grateful for. and my pastor… well… she wasn’t the best at giving me space to understand myself properly. she prayed for me a few times and said things that a normal Christian would say “God will heal you” “have faith” “God is an awesome God who heals” etc… n i believe in all of them, except that i also now believe that God is a God that loves all and accepts GLBT!
i’m an active leader of a church movement that are like most – they don’t accept GLBT. i always grew up thinking that i was a huge failure to God and to the church. i served in church thinking that i was being irresponsible to their foundation of faith because i wasn’t being honest to myself and being in denial to who i really was. i taught people about the bible and told them to do/avoid things that aren’t what God wants and yet i was thinking that i myself didnt practice it. i went through depression without anyone really knowing what was going on. i’m a leader in a bible study that is against GLBT.
this was before i really researched and understood who my God really was. i had my breakthrough near the end of last year. when was reading through scripture, understanding the whole context and knowing what certain passages really meant. a lot of the websites which i’ve read brought me to tears, brought me to accept who i really was. i’ve never really felt God’s great love for me till then. it was the best feeling i’ll ever come to experience! 🙂
there was no more shame when i was with God
no more feeling of being a hypocrite
no more feeling as though i was an abomination
no more fighting who i really was
although i still have my struggles. one of them is me still being stuck in my closet. still living a facade of what people want to see… but it takes time i guess, to be emotionally and spiritually prepared. i’m still pretty new to this whole transition and being part of this group and committee would be a real privilege! to be able to read peoples life stories and their struggle. to be part of a community that really truly understands what each other is going through.
i guess i’m still just starting out of this journey to building up myself and my understanding. building up my relationship with God and finding a place for me to grow spiritually.
i have God by my side and i know that’s all i ever really need 🙂
i’ve now stepped away from my leadership roles in church because i needed to be real to myself and to my beliefs. i’m still yet to come out to my church. i feel as though it’s the right thing to do and the right step for them to be aware of this issue. i’m still yet to come out in my bible study and to explain to my bible study leader what i believe in, please do pray for me in this! i can only rely on God’s strength and His wisdom to guide me through this step!
i am planning on coming down to sydney this coming weekend to check out the Freedom 2 b[e] Youth event and also to check out CRAVE MCC! thank God for such a supporting and encouraging community of people 🙂
whoa… didn’t expect to write such a long post! sorry! btw, anyone know any contacts in Newcastle in regards to GLBT christians? i don’t seem to be able to find any GLBT accepting church. i know the uniting church are accepting to GLBT but i also know of people in the uniting church that are extremely against it. confusing…! heh… thanks for letting me blabber 😀
Rachel
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