Thanks guys for your warm welcome. I really appreciate your kind words and the friendly way each of you have responded to my story.

It’s a real challenge to find the words to share just a brief part of life’s experience. I was trying to piece together the memories that seemed to play a strong part in how I saw myself come to the point where I was able to accept that while I’m different from many other people, I am still a person that God loves.

I’m not sure if it came through, but the challenges I had, particularly in my teenage years and early adulthood, made me think I simply was not good enough for anyone to love – even once I got married – I think I never really understood why my wife would want to be with me. Of course these feelings ran very deep and I never had the nerve to share them. Bluntly put, I was scared of being found out.

In some ways, I still have a lot of self doubt about being worthy of love – it’s probably why I shy away from making close friends in case they find out. Generally today I’m not so worried about it. You can probably guess that I’m not completely out. The people closest to me know I’m gay but most others would not have a clue. If they asked, I would tell them. I just don’t see why I need to shout it to the world.

Unfortunatley I never got to telling my parents or my sister before they died some years ago now. I wonder how they would have reacted? I don’t know if it would have been so important for me, but I’m sure there would have been some comfort if I new they still accepted me – thing is I’m not sure they would have. I now have no close family except my three children (who have known for nearly ten years and are very supportive, particulaly my daughter who in fact has encouraged me, along with a certain facilitator, to join this forum).

I think the big issue I’m facing now is coming to terms with accepting that being a gay Christian (almost sounds like a pun 🙂 ) is okay with God and how I should respond to the sometimes very strong desires to be with a man again.

Sinced coming back to Church – the Lutheran Church – over two years ago, I have refrained from acting on these feelings. But sometimes they are very strong and all I want is to hold a man in my arms, knowing that he cares for me as much as I care for him. Something inside me tells me that this will happen one day but like it is for everyone, time is ticking by.

We all seem to be searching for something more than we have – and I wonder if it’s just part of the human condition.

I am sure that we all have something special to add to one another’s story, and even though we come from such different backgrounds, it seems clear to me that we share common threads.

I would love to come along to a freedom 2b[e] meeting in Melbourne – just tell me when and I’ll try to get there.

Thanks again guys. [group hugs]

hey Treborian….you are so not alone in your journey.

from the emails I’ve recieved….and people I’ve spoken to……most of us have two things to work out. We think it is only one…..our sexuality.

the problem is that in order to accept our sexuality we have to reject our spirituality or Christian faith….as we believe the two are incompatable. Then somewhere along the track we realise that possibly something is missing……so we have to then re-examine the beliefs we’ve either rejected or put on hold.

In the end though we are able to intergrate the two….and we feel at peace….it can be a long process.

If we have been rejected by people in the church,…..that often adds another layer BTW.