Welcome Marilyn and so glad you have found us, I know you will get some help/suggestions here. I know most people are afraid to admit their sexuality because of the stigma attached many times and repercussions, it may be that he isnt ready to come out to you just yet, especially if you are Christian. Does he know about this website?

this might help marilyn….its the process people go through coming out I presented a conference last year and at our Sydney F2B meeting recently.

THE PROCESS OF RESOLUTION

Let me take you through the process that I went through. Its not the same for everyone but like Elizabeth Kubler Ross’ process of grieving, most people pass through each stage at some time no matter how briefly. Problems develop when people become stuck in one place and can’t move on.

1. Denial (I’m not gay, I was drunk, I’m bisexual, I was just horny, it’s just a stage, I was just experimenting, its just a phase).

2. Rejection (I can change it, I can overcome it)

3. Suppression (I can control it, monitor it, it’s my secret, no one need know)

4. Hatred (this thing is too strong for me, I hate my gayness, therefore I hate myself)

5. Acceptance (Healthy & unhealthy). It’s wonderful that so many young people today are coming out and accepting their homosexuality. There is also a group, like I was for years, who have accepted their sexuality but only reluctantly. They would prefer to be heterosexual and as long as that remains in their thinking, they can never fully embrace their true selves and enjoy the sense of freedom that brings. They exist with a subconscious belief that life is unfair, they still live with a sense of shame and some believe they will inevitably go to hell because they gave in to their homosexuality.

6. Celebration (I love being gay). This is the beginning of living a life of authenticity and congruence. The person who celebrates and embraces their sexuality lives a powerful life that transforms those around them because no one can deny what you have………a wholesome and profound love of self.

Your sons strong denials could be for several reasons. The first person we must come out to is ourselves……sounds like a silly statement…but its true non the less. So your son can’t move on till he gets to that place. I From what you’ve said to me prviately in your email and what you’ve written here…….I think its a safe bet he’s gay.f he is gay….then sounds like he is firmly stuck in the denial stage…….but he can’t be dragged out of the closet.

I’ve know of situations where even though there were other gay members of the family one remained firmly in denial for years. Strange eh…..their siblings were welcomed when they came out so what were they worried about.

Can I ask a couple of questions?

Is your household a christian household?

have you heard of PFLAG?

PS No I have not heard of PFlag!

I”m glad we could be of help marilyn……you know where we are now if you need us……keep us bookmarked.

here is the site for PFLAG in australia.

http://www.pflagaustralia.org.au/

What is PFLAG ?

PFLAG stands for Parents and Friends of Lesbians And Gays. We are a non-profit voluntary organisation whose members have a common goal of keeping families together. PFLAG is here to give help, support and information to families, friends of all gay people.

Who are we?

We are the parents and friends of gay and lesbian people who are a part of our community. Some of our families may be large, some small. Some of us are married, some divorced, some single. Our occupations are a varied as our personalities and educational levels. HOWEVER. We do have a common bond. Someone we love and care for is lesbian or gay.

Where are we?

There are various PFLAG groups around Australia in QLD, WA, SA, TAS, VIC, and NSW. Please click on the “Locations” link to the left to view a current list.

Why does PFLAG exist?

In Australia today, there are many parents with homosexual children. These children, and often their families are victims of social, political and economic prejudice. Gay persons in many communities are affected by discrimination in theirpursuit of happiness and in striving to live their lives with openness and dignity. Homosexuals are not the only ones touched by this discrimination. It also touches their friends and families. We as parents, families and friends of lesbians and gays wish to join together to appeal to the public conscience. We want to achieve the same rights and opportunities for our gay sons and lesbian daughters as are enjoyed by other Australians. As proud parents of gay people, our lives have been enriched by reaching an understanding and acceptance of our gay children and embracing their diversity. It is our goal to bring this understanding and acceptance of diversity to the community.

What do we do?

We have a number of activities aimed at supporting our members. We:

* Hold monthly support meetings where we discuss member issues and concerns. Sometimes we have guest speakers who are professionals in their field to discuss topics of interest to the members.

* Provide a safe, friendly place where participants can talk freely and openly. All our meetings are confidential to the participants.

* Maintain a library of books, videos, pamphlets, and articles to help educate parents and others on issues of homosexuality.

* Publish a monthly newsletter and provide an information telephone line. Provide speakers to interested organisations for discussion panels as and when requested