Caution: this is a bit naff (considering I was sitting one room away from you as you posted this question, Dajh).

Let’s just get this out of the way – it was you that got me at peace with the whole deal, really.

It took me being challenged enough to want to fight for something (someone!), to question what I’d be taught and what I’d thought was right.

And as someone who thinks through everything thoroughly I find this really odd. – it didn’t occur to me to challenge this belief until I had a want to deny it.

I’m really looking forward to reading other responses too btw.

There were two very specific moments for me.

Peace in my mind:

When I was 19 a very good friend of mine got saved in my old church and begun living with the youth pastors…I started going back to church with her and it was an amazing time, the happiest I had ever seen her [she was kicked out of home when she was 15 for being gay, hard drug user etc etc] As her friend I felt I had the duty of ‘warning’ her that they are not cool with homosexuality. What she told me shocked my socks off…apparently they had already talked about it and they were ‘cool’ with it. I left it at that. This is a girl who had absolutely no love growing up and was now experiencing not just love from other people but love from God for the very first time. So about 2 months later the church decided it was time to tell her what God really thought of homosexuality and rid her of these demons. She was giving so much love and hope, was new to knowing God so she hung on every word they told her. You can imagine and probably have experienced the rest.

As guility as I feel that it was in the moment of my friends greatest pain…it was the exact moment God gave me this overwhelming sense of peace. From that moment on I KNEW I was ok with God and that he would never be behind treating people like that church treated my friend.

Peace in my Heart:

About a year and a half ago I was ‘dabbling’ in some unsavoury practices and thoughts. Although I knew, in my mind, God loved me etc etc I was still yet to experience that full blown peace and overwhelming love in my heart and soul. One morning I put a worship album in the cd player, which I often did as it was the only time I felt close to God. Something bizarre and totally from God happened that morning and He made me realise the ONLY time I am ever happy is when I am worshiping Him…and that was it….peace, love, hope, joy like I had never felt before just flooded me and I have never been the same since!!!

That’s really interesting Bec, because for me it was the other way around. I got the peace in my heart first and it took a while for my head to accept it.

The heart peace came when, after fighting with God about how I felt for the majority of my life up to that point, I gave in and said:

“God, you piss me off! I have tried to do what you wanted, with all my mind and soul and strength over and over and you haven’t changed me! I have given everything over to you and I’m still gay! I have asked you to change me over and over.. . . . . . But you are still God. How dare I tell you what to do? You’re God, and if you want me to live in conflict, then that’s your perogative. If you made me to be an ‘example’ then that’s your choice. You are God and you can do what you want. I have been arrogant to decide what you should and shouldn’t do. You piss me off, but I love you and I give myself over to be used in whatever way you want.”

It was at that moment, when I gave God the right to be God, that he was finally able to reveal himself to me. And instead of the condemnation I was expecting, I felt peace. I felt a sense of closeness to God I had never experienced previously. I felt as though I had been designed, just as I was, for the will of God.

That was the heart peace. The head peace came about 6 months to a year later and was much more traumatic. Now I knew that God loved me, it took a long time for me to deal with the fact that I might have to love myself, just as I was. A lot of research, reading, long nights praying, and kisses from Petey later, I came to the informed head decision that I was ok.

It took me a while, but eventually my head and heart were united in peace about who God had made to be. And the nice thing about it is, he’s been using that (insistently sometimes) ever since. 🙂

Hi everyone,

I have been reading the stuff on this site for a few weeks now and have just finished reading Anthony’s book, thanks Sandy for lending it to me, love your anotations, your halarious sometimes.

I have only been Christian for six weeks and have been encouraged to find out about Jesus first and deal with the rest later. So I’m here basically because this is more interactive than reading the 567 books Sandy has lent me on the topic. 🙂

This link has been really helpful so thanks everyone. Oh and Sandy? So much for f2b having served it’s purpose in your life, didn’t that mean you were suposed to stop posting? 😆 Well I’m sure you will reply to me if I agravate you enough so I’ll draw you back into the fold.

Thanks again for this link, keep up the good work it’s really helpful.

Hey Adam……yes welcome. I hope you find it helpful sharing on the forum. Watch it ….it can be addictive.

Please feel free to email me at [email protected] if you’d like to let me know what you found most helpful from my story. i love hearing from readers and answer every email.