What was it that helped you reconcile and find peace?

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Joined in 2006
March 25, 2007, 13:28

Hey there everyone

firstly welcome to you Adam that is brilliant. Best thing you can ever possibly do mate (you and Jesus).

It has been interesting reading what people have been saying on this particular topic. I have been wanting to say something for weeks finding myself paralyzed with what to say. If you knew me you would know something is seriously wrong ( i always have found it easy to talk)

I think for me it is that i am still struggling with some other things of God and the whole church life stuff, not related to sexuality.

As far as sexuality is concerned I know for sure God loves me and is cool with it. I did have a ‘moment’ in God. It lasted all day, I knew the Holy Spirit was all over me. I was beside myself with excitement that He was cool with my sexuality. It came out of nowhere for me so to speak but it was definitely a ‘moment’. In saying that I had done a little bit of reading and chatting on the internet with people before hand about christianity and sexuality. But God sealed the deal for me in no uncertain terms that one day in October 2006.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
March 25, 2007, 16:11

good to hear from you Tez.

I think you have actually introduced something new into this important conversation……and that is church culture. Separting what was actually real for us in church life and what was just a part of the culture can also be difficult as well. Most people reject the whole thing and turn thier back on it for ever……understandably its pure heterosexuality reinforced at every level.

I certainly found it interesting attending Hillsong after being out of a pentecostal environment for over 10 years. dont really feel like I will fit in at the mens conference or find what they are talking about relevant to my life…….as a single openly gay man 😆

Joined in 2007
March 25, 2007, 17:29


Lent you Anthony’s book? Thats not the way I remember it buddy! I seem to remember you sneaking off with Anthony’s book then refusing to return it… 🙄

I recomend you e-mail Anthony if you have any questions. I anotated alot of the answers he gave me to specific points in the book itself which you have, but I’m sure you will come up with more, man to man and all that…

Perhaps you have a tiny point about me resolving not to post again. My overall point was that the struggle I was experiencing in deciding what God wanted me to do was over, and so it was not essential for me to keep seeking “like a mad woman on rollerblades” as you like to say. I realised that it was not up to me to descide what God thought of such matters, that is His perogative.

You’ll ind some lovely people on this site and I hope it helps you to grow in love and fellowship. See you tuesday for our marathon up Pentamount Hill, I’m gonna kick your ass! 😆

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
March 25, 2007, 18:08

one place we are often not taught how to be in within the church is the place of not knowing……the mystery of God.

its quite simple really isn’t it…..if i had all the answers then I would be god.

i think i’ve learnt to love living in the mystery.

Joined in 2006
March 25, 2007, 19:10

i think i’ve learnt to love living in the mystery.

That’s such a beautiful thing! I know just what you mean Anthony. We spend so much time trying to ‘understand’ God that we miss out on just hanging out with him, free of preconceptions and guilt. Strangly enough, the moment I felt the most peace was when I realised that I didn’t understand God and probably never would, all I had to do was love him and accept his love. Easier than I thought 🙂

Joined in 2007
March 25, 2007, 19:39

Absolutely Dash – I’ve spent years trying to understand God. Now I just love just being with God.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
March 25, 2007, 22:08

i found it such a relief to not have the answers to everything and be able to say……..’I dont know’…….phew!

Joined in 2006
March 26, 2007, 15:52

For me it was like pete – it was love that lead me to acceptance….for the first time in my life I felt peace about my sexuality. I fell in love with my best friend and he with me, and although things didn’t work out in the end (they are all good now though and we are back to being best friends) I knew that I was ok just the way I was….

I’d been fighting it for so long and like dash given everything over to Him and still nothing had changed….so when i fell in love and didn’t actually feel condemnation and guilt i knew that it was ok to feel the way i felt….the pain came from others (church) attempting (or rather not attempting) to understand….

and now – even though i’m not in love, i learnt to love me for me….and its great!

Joined in 2005
March 27, 2007, 09:12

for me… The first thing i did was try and fix my sin. For three years whilst hiding everything for fear of rejection. Then i broke up with that person because it was unhealthy, they were emotionally abusive and it was sin. I was then put into counselling and reparative therapy. Whats funyy is my counsellor didn’t know that is what they were putting me in counselling for or she would not have done it.

Then i met my new partner (sidebar- that was 7 years ago). I said “stuff you God” and then fought with myself for a long time. It was a back and forth journey. I then decided to err on the side of caution. Then i decided that i would talk to God about it, but my humanistic mind could not understand.

God said to me Jannah i love you just the way you are, don’t try to changethat part of yourself that i love, accept it wholeheartedly. Now pick up your Bible and I will show you. I then studied it using many references for language translation and my own limited understanding of the Greek language. I worked on it with God and wrote down the many references and understanding that i could find. I found the conclusion that it was not sin and indeed there was no evidence to suggest otherwise.

sidebar- it still took me a few months of internalised homophobia before my partner and I became official and no homophobia was going to shake that… she also had her own journey as a pentecostal christian to go through and hers was and is much younger than my journey…

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