What would you say to him/her? Are they wasting their time?

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Joined in 2007
August 11, 2009, 17:22

because people are all different. what helps one person wont nessessarily help another.

I had thought of this too but it still doesn’t make much sense. While all people may be different with different experiences and “triggers” for their homosexuality (says the ex-gay programs) the “cure” isn’t subjective. The cure is, aledgedly, God. Plain and simple. If God cures everyone then I simply don’t understand why you have all these different places marketing different paths to the same cure. Sure, some types of therapy work better for different people. There are a number of different theraputic approaches out there including narrative therapy and cognitive behavioural therapy. I get that. I don’t get why some places encourage you to be holistic in your approach, socialise, get involved in your church and hang out with hetero couples and so on and some places lock you away in gay-only programs. If the cure is God then He should cure you no matter what path you take to dealing and if that is true then only one path is needed.

Maybe, really, its just a matter of what is more comfortable and normative for individuals and has no relevance to the actual outcome.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
August 11, 2009, 23:59

John got caught in a gay bar called Mr P’s in Washington in 2000. I remember this as I’d just started my ex-ex-gay yahoo group. It was really important as John had been the poster boy for the ex-gay movement and been on the front cover of Newsweek claiming to be heterosexual now he was married to Anne a ‘fomer’ lesbian. There is another story there which I wont go into now.

Wayne Besen confronted John in the bar and he ran out. not before a photo was taken though and is on the front cover of Waynes book. …Anything but Straight. It is an excellent book on the history of the ex-gay movement. I reviewed it on

John protested that he just went in to use the bathroom. the time he spent there and the conversation he had indicated this was most likely not the case. Like we all do when our back is to the wall….me included…..he possibly lied. then he had to resign from focus on the family for this ‘poor judgement’….and had some ongoing ‘counsel’.

OMG…..I’m a walking history book. 😆 😆 😆

Joined in 2007
August 12, 2009, 08:41

Lol, yes you are. You certainly jogged my memory. Poor guy imagine having a photo of yourself like that on the front of a book. It must have been so difficult for him. He could have lied, I for one wouldn’t blame him: he has so much to loose and had lost so much already. He must have disillusioned a lot of people though.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
August 14, 2009, 00:20

I believe he did lie……so did I when my back was against the wall and there was the possibility of consequences.

it is quite a contrast between front cover of newsweek as a heterosexual married ex-gay man and a few years later on the front cover of a book exposing the ex-gay myth……running out of a gay bar…..and a back shot as well.

Joined in 2007
August 15, 2009, 22:41

Eeekk! Being ‘famous’ looks good from the outside but I’d never want it. Talk about having one mistake come back to bite you in the ass…literally. I suppose he asked for it though, poster child that he was.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
August 15, 2009, 23:00

sometimes I get angry Sandy…..when I see the damage that happens when people are sold the cruel lie

sometimes I am compassionate……..knowing what it was like trying so hard to do the right thing but failing

sometimes I judge the actions of others ……thinking how hypocritical

sometimes I’m non-judgmental……remembering that everyone needs what I needed…..the right to walk our own journey in our own time.

Joined in 2007
September 30, 2009, 08:27

Hi everyone, been off the planet for a while hah… back now.

I was treading through the postings and I thought… hmmmm coming from a behaviour intervention background I noticed that there is no safety net for those who decide to go to these ex-gay therapy, within the therapy program I mean.

We are talking about an organisation that is not even remotely worried about the duty of care of their charge. It’s very much a blame situation where the person undergoing treatment basically put their lives into their hands.

The thought of saying, hey do you know there is a “freedom 2B” website… have a look at the things posted on it… and possible suggest a few that he/she could start with (now that F2B is so big! giggle).

These organisation do not have the correct accrediation to be running the programs and I just cringe at some of the things they are saying which are not entirely true. If my blood relations asked me I would say something on the line of…. I will go with you to those places and support you and support what decision you make as long as we can talk about the issues raised and research it…. I’d want my blood relation know that I love them no matter what happens and that I value them no matter what the outcome may be. My reaction to anyone saying to a person that they must cut off all connection is to say why? What’s your motive? How do I know that this person is being looked after since they have a track record of stuffing up big time.

I wonder if I should extend that to brother and sisters of the Gay community? hmmmm every bit helps I guess.

Its also an emotional (traumatic) and spiritual journey too

Hugs to all


Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
September 30, 2009, 12:21

I guess the thing that fuels me as well is that…….I think there probably would not be another person in Australia who has more communication with people with faith/sexuality contact than me. Not because I’m anything special…..its just that I’m so often the first point of contact people have after reading my autobiography. For the majority of people it is there first time to talk with anyone about what they have been through as well.

its usually a very dark and traumatic journey they have been on. So I get to see into this world that has been hidden from most. its a privilege but often a huge burden as well.

Not only is it a hidden world to most people…..but it is a world the ex-gay ministries will never see into…because once a person leaves or group or organisation they are overwhelmed by a sense of shame and failure. They dont go back to the group or organisation that has been a troubled part of thier life..they are trying to move on. Many are stuck though.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
September 30, 2009, 12:26

I just put this discussion on facebook. If you are facebooker put the link to the first page on your wall if you like.

Joined in 2005
October 4, 2009, 12:50

That Andy Comiskey guy now does

On the topic, I support a number of friends who are in ex-gay therapy. They know I think it doesn’t work and it’s wrong. But, I support their choice. Ultimately, I think it will fail and I want them to know there is another option, that it is okay, that God is okay with it, they can still go to church and they are loved. They also know their is someone safe who is not judging either way and will be there for them no matter what.

I want them to know they are loved, they are accepted and they are free and I cant tell them that its wrong, or I put them offside, by not supporting their personal journey. If they have steps they are following I will support that no matter what.

They will know my opinion but I wont force hand. No one is ready until they are READY and if you force hand, you are doing the same damage as the next person/church/religion.

It can be frustrating and hard, but it is a vital thing for me to do, I believe

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