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Where to now?

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Michelle
 
Joined in 2012
October 10, 2012, 09:27

Please forgive me if this post skips from one point to another very abruptly. I am in a quandary at the moment. I have been a single parent for 3 years. Through this time I have gained a little bit of self-confidence, self-respect and have allowed myself to continue to heal from a relationship that was full of family violence. I have known for a long time that I am a lesbian, however, I never gave myself the permission to live my personal truth. So from only my second relationship, I was married. (Together for 18 years) and had three beautiful children. For me, I have lived every minute for my children….

Now though, I want to live life more broadly than just in my home and for my children. One part of me says why should I leave myself open to anymore heartache. I often question myself and wonder if it is truly safe for me to put myself out there to experience life within the LGBTIQ community. I am without a doubt very wary of exposing myself to any more violence, whether it be in my home or in the community. I know there are Christians out there who support the LGBTIQ community (freedom 2b is the only group I have attended). It is only my parents that know about the extent of the family violence that occurred in my marriage. I have constant comments from friends and family who advise not to worry, that 'there is someone out there' waiting for me and that I will have a man in my life again, that I have so much to offer! It's only due to me not fully healing that this has not yet occurred is another comment!' I am personally sick of hearing these comments every time I see friends and family. (albeit, not that often, as my social time generally is when I go out to freedom 2b meetings and the last of these was back in June!!) Looking back I have, without a doubt, cut myself off from a lot of family functions and social get-togethers. I think I am cutting myself off due to the fact that I may explode the next time someone cares to make a comment on the status of my personal life!!

I have an auntie who is Christian and two cousins that are openly gay who she supports 100%. This is family only associated through marriage. My parents are not from an era where homosexuality is supported. My father went to a Christian school, however, he does not attend church any longer. I am not out to any family or friends about my sexuality. As I am re-reading this scattered post, I think I am way overdue for attending to a f2b meeting 🙂

I guess I am ultimately wondering if others have had similar experiences and then succeeded in living their truth. I would really like to hear from those who has experienced family violence in a heterosexual relationship knowing that they were L,G,B,T,I or Q and then have gone on to live a happy life and be in a healthy L,G,B,T,I or Q relationship. By the way, a very special thank you to Michelle and Linda of the Melbourne Chapter of f2b. They have been an amazing support for me. To all involved in this wonderful community, thank you.

Mish

nieche
 
Joined in 2012
October 10, 2012, 11:10

Hi Mish


No one will ever understand your situation unless they go through it. It's amazing that you came out of an abusive relationship. Meanwhile, I have a friend who stays and constantly gets abused.


I hope you find lots of support and shoulders to lean on at times.


I will keep you in my prayers.


Nieche

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
October 10, 2012, 20:12

Posted by Ann Maree on Oct 1st and moved from the Discussion section along with the rest of the thread


Hi Mish

Thanks for posting your story here. I know that would have taken some courage.

Family violence is very common and it's not surprising that you're wary to head into a relationship again. Comments such as you've had from family and friends don't help either.

Have you had counselling around what happened or do you think that would be helpful?

I know there are many stories here of people who have come through family violence and their lives have gone from strength to strength. Have a look through some of the stories in the Telling our stories section and you'll see you're not alone.

Glad you've found f2b and already met up with the Melbourne group. They're a great bunch!

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
October 10, 2012, 20:14

Posted by Mother Hen on Oct 3rd and moved from the Discussion section

Hey Mish,

Thanks for posting all that, very brave to open up like that. It's great you have comfort and strength through f2b. As Ann Maree said read the other stories on this site, some might really gel with you. Keep going to the f2b meetings, its the way to come to keep you moving forward and help clear some of the confusion.

I also agree counselling would be very beneficial.

God Bless

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
October 10, 2012, 20:16

Posted by Michelle on Oct 3rd and moved from the Discussion section along with the rest of the thread

Hugs Mish

Hope to see you soon

Michelle

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
October 10, 2012, 20:18

Posted by jamesn on 04/10/12 and moved from the Discussion section.

Mish, come along to a meeting, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain!

Mother Hen
 
Joined in 2011
October 11, 2012, 11:49

Hi Mish,


I really want to encourage you to return to a f2b meeting. As you would have no doubt experienced, they are fun, welcoming and accepting, a great place to really connect with like-minded souls.


God Bless

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
October 20, 2012, 19:26

Posted by omshanti41 on 20/10/12 and moved from Discussion section to Where to Now? in Telling Our Stories

I am struggling with coming out at 41 years young. It is only at freedom 2b that I have found I am free to embrace my sexuality and my spiritual beliefs. I struggle each day not living my truth. Worried about what my parents and small circle of friends (all of which I can count on 1 hand!) will say and think. After being in a relationship and subsequently married for a total of 18 years to my now ex-husband, having three children and at the height of my depression attempting to commit suicide, who am I to put this onto my parents? Have they not endured enough torment of seeing their only child live through family violence, her marriage fail, subsequently attempt to commit suicide and raising three children on her own! My parents could not cope with any more than what I have put them through already. If I am to lose the respect of my parents, what else do I have left? I am a good Mum of 2 beautiful children as well. It would break me completely to not be their good mum any longer. I feel like I am stuck in a ravine. My mind and body say one thing yet my heart says another. On the inside, I have a very heavy heart. On the exterior, I put on my invisibility mask every day. Needless to say, I am COMPLETELY confused and overwhelmed at the moment.

Mish

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
October 20, 2012, 19:28

Posted by jamesn on 20/10/12 and moved from the Discussion section to Where to now? in the Telling our Stories section

Dear Mish

I am sad to hear your heart breaking. I know this is a tough time but please remember: things do get better. Talk, talk & talk some more to people who have shared experiences. Take care.

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
October 20, 2012, 19:48

Hi Mish

I moved your thread from the discussion section to here as it helps us gain a full picture of you by keeping the parts of your journey together with your initial story post. It will also help both you and us see the progress you make and to keep track of valuable suggestions that others have already made to you. You are also likely to receive more responses by keeping your posts here rather than posting in different forums.

You said:


I am struggling with coming out at 41 years young. It is only at freedom 2b that I have found I am free to embrace my sexuality and my spiritual beliefs. I struggle each day not living my truth. Worried about what my parents and small circle of friends (all of which I can count on 1 hand!) will say and think. After being in a relationship and subsequently married for a total of 18 years to my now ex-husband, having three children and at the height of my depression attempting to commit suicide, who am I to put this onto my parents? Have they not endured enough torment of seeing their only child live through family violence, her marriage fail, subsequently attempt to commit suicide and raising three children on her own! My parents could not cope with any more than what I have put them through already. If I am to lose the respect of my parents, what else do I have left? I am a good Mum of 2 beautiful children as well. It would break me completely to not be their good mum any longer. I feel like I am stuck in a ravine. My mind and body say one thing yet my heart says another. On the inside, I have a very heavy heart. On the exterior, I put on my invisibility mask every day. Needless to say, I am COMPLETELY confused and overwhelmed at the moment.


I'm sorry to hear this and echo the great advice and sentiments from jamesn. It sounds like you are assuming what your family and friends will think about your sexuality when they might not be as burdened by it as you expect them to be. Of course I don't know your family, but they may well be able to cope with the news of your sexuality. Sometimes people can surprise us.

It's fantastic that you are a good Mum and able to recognise that. Your children are very fortunate indeed. How old are your kids?

It sounds like you could do with some more supports to help you sort through your confusion and sense of being overwhelmed. It is completely normal that you are feeling like this, albeit very unpleasant – it's a big adjustment to reconcile your sexuality and spirituality. I can recall feeling like that and know that many others here have also experienced it. However, that eventually passed and things got better and better. And so they will for you too.

I know I asked previously in this thread but are you having any counselling and would you consider this as an option for you? Feel free to check out our support section where there are Counselling supports mentioned. Apart from that, if you need help finding counselling services in your area, please send me a Personal Message and I will do my best to find and suggest some resources that may be of benefit.

Were you able to go to the f2b meeting last night?

We care for you, Mish. You are not alone.

Blessings,

Ann Maree
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