So, here I am writing again.
It is now Feb. 2008. I have just attended the latest F2b meeting where Pastor Mike Hircock spoke. He is a lovely chap who works at Hope St Baptist church. It was a pleasant evening with a bunch of georgeous chaps…
Anyways…. Life So Far Part III.
I am actually writing in here today more for my own need than for anybody else.
I have been working now currently with my job for about 9 months now. Though, it is not where I want to be long term, it is something stable in my life.
I have actually talked on a more personal basis with Anthony. And noticed a couple of cuties at the F2b meeting. It is interesting to note, with being more accepting of my gay self, I am feeling down right horny a good deal of the time! Hmmm…. so a bit of self control is needed at f2b meetings so I don’t go making an ass of myself. There is nothing worse than making things uncomfortable for other people simply because one cannot control one’s emotions. Also, I haven’t had sex in half a year and things can be “hard” emotionally when I see a cute guy!!! Hmm…
I read Anthony’s autobiography late last year and have just finished reading Mel White’s bio. A similar story to Anthony’s but in the USA. Also I am have just finished reading a novel by Anthony Sanchez, a Mexican American author. It is called “The God Box”. It is novel about an openly gay teenage student moving into a country high school and what happens. It was a really good read!
I have made some more gay friends and social acquaintances. I met a friend thru another friend and have been going to the Taxi club in Flinders St for karaoke. I have been “performing” at karaoke, much to the pleasure of some of the “bear” crowd there. Hee hee hee…
I should be starting bass lessons at the end of the month.
I am still living and working in the Northern Beaches. But I wonder what I am meant to be doing with my life. I feel like I would like to help in the gay community in some sort of social work. I am being completely hypothetical here and if Anthony reads this he might be able to guide me better. But I feel I woule like to be working with people esp. gay people.
I wanna play guitar and bass too and make music!
I need to learn how to play bass and guitar. I am defin. not at that stage where I could go performing. I love music! It is amongst my main interests.
Going to F2b and Hope St Baptist and making some more gay friends/acquaintances has shown me there is more to life than my little “straight-ish” life at Fairlight/Manly where I live. The church I go to, which is related to the “Forge” network has been good to me but I am the only gay person there. So, there is always “that” feeling of being an outsider or “different” than the rest of the (straight, predominantly married with children) people there. I need something more.
I do feel the need/want to be with someone; to have that “special” someone in my life. I am also full of sexual lust esp since I have not been sexually active for a while. I still feel like a confused teenager regards my sexuality. I have not had a boyfriend (or girlfriend, for that matter) and I feel very inexperienced. My main bouts of sex have come from the gay men’s sauna and I made a decision in the middle of last year to stop going there though I do wonder if that was a healthy decision or not, considering the build up of sexual tension I go thru daily. I really want to be physical with someone right now and I don’t have an appropiate outlet for that as I am single and…. I don’t know what to say.
I want to get my life together. I want to sort my anger issues and depression out of my life. I want to put my life in a direction where it is going somewhere and where it is helping people.
That just isn’t happening yet.
Oh, Lord, use my life, PLEASE!
Amen
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