Willam's Life So Far Part III

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Joined in 2005
February 4, 2008, 15:54

So, here I am writing again.

It is now Feb. 2008. I have just attended the latest F2b meeting where Pastor Mike Hircock spoke. He is a lovely chap who works at Hope St Baptist church. It was a pleasant evening with a bunch of georgeous chaps…

Anyways…. Life So Far Part III.

I am actually writing in here today more for my own need than for anybody else.

I have been working now currently with my job for about 9 months now. Though, it is not where I want to be long term, it is something stable in my life.

I have actually talked on a more personal basis with Anthony. And noticed a couple of cuties at the F2b meeting. It is interesting to note, with being more accepting of my gay self, I am feeling down right horny a good deal of the time! Hmmm…. so a bit of self control is needed at f2b meetings so I don’t go making an ass of myself. There is nothing worse than making things uncomfortable for other people simply because one cannot control one’s emotions. Also, I haven’t had sex in half a year and things can be “hard” emotionally when I see a cute guy!!! Hmm…

I read Anthony’s autobiography late last year and have just finished reading Mel White’s bio. A similar story to Anthony’s but in the USA. Also I am have just finished reading a novel by Anthony Sanchez, a Mexican American author. It is called “The God Box”. It is novel about an openly gay teenage student moving into a country high school and what happens. It was a really good read!

I have made some more gay friends and social acquaintances. I met a friend thru another friend and have been going to the Taxi club in Flinders St for karaoke. I have been “performing” at karaoke, much to the pleasure of some of the “bear” crowd there. Hee hee hee…

I should be starting bass lessons at the end of the month.

I am still living and working in the Northern Beaches. But I wonder what I am meant to be doing with my life. I feel like I would like to help in the gay community in some sort of social work. I am being completely hypothetical here and if Anthony reads this he might be able to guide me better. But I feel I woule like to be working with people esp. gay people.

I wanna play guitar and bass too and make music!

I need to learn how to play bass and guitar. I am defin. not at that stage where I could go performing. I love music! It is amongst my main interests.

Going to F2b and Hope St Baptist and making some more gay friends/acquaintances has shown me there is more to life than my little “straight-ish” life at Fairlight/Manly where I live. The church I go to, which is related to the “Forge” network has been good to me but I am the only gay person there. So, there is always “that” feeling of being an outsider or “different” than the rest of the (straight, predominantly married with children) people there. I need something more.

I do feel the need/want to be with someone; to have that “special” someone in my life. I am also full of sexual lust esp since I have not been sexually active for a while. I still feel like a confused teenager regards my sexuality. I have not had a boyfriend (or girlfriend, for that matter) and I feel very inexperienced. My main bouts of sex have come from the gay men’s sauna and I made a decision in the middle of last year to stop going there though I do wonder if that was a healthy decision or not, considering the build up of sexual tension I go thru daily. I really want to be physical with someone right now and I don’t have an appropiate outlet for that as I am single and…. I don’t know what to say.

I want to get my life together. I want to sort my anger issues and depression out of my life. I want to put my life in a direction where it is going somewhere and where it is helping people.

That just isn’t happening yet.

Oh, Lord, use my life, PLEASE!


Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
February 4, 2008, 16:57

Hey William

Have a read of this

or you can watch it on youtube here

it should encourage you…..there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Focus on the healing and loving life……then other things will fall into place.

February 20, 2008, 19:19

Mel’s book was the book that helped me come out as a gay Christian. I wrote him a letter to say how his book had changed my life and he sent me a letter in return. We corresponded a few times after I came out.

Even though I’ve moved on to the stage where I don’t really hold Christian beliefs I am very grateful for his encouragement and support.

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