I figured we needed a new topic of discussion. So here’s what I wanted to say. And I am kind of on a soap box here, but yes, sometimes it’s good to rant.

I believe that every youth group in every church that considers itself worth a wooden nickel needs to have some kind of response prepared for WHEN (not if, WHEN) a teenager comes out in their youth group. I’m sick of hearing about youth leaders who say they are scared that somebody in their youth group will come out because they have no idea what to do about it. I’ve even heard it described as ‘every youth leader’s nightmare’. You know what I think the nightmare is? I think the nightmare is being gay and growing up in a homophobic environment where the fear of rejection by God and man is hanging over your head by a quickly breaking thread. The average age for coming out is about 15 years old and the suicide rate for GLBT youth is 3 times higher than the average youth suicide rate. It shocks me that youth group leaders – no, it shocks me that Christians fail to recognize this as an issue that mostly affects young people! We have a demographic of people sitting in our churches who go home and kill themselves because the church as a whole is too scared to bother learning how to help them. When a conservative pastor bashes homosexuals, does he imagine them being 11 or 12-year-old boys and girls who have just begun entering puberty? Does he imagine 15-year-old kids who get bullied everyday at school? Does he imagine 17-year-olds who have been kicked out of the house and are now homeless? No, he doesn’t imagine any of those situations. That’s why the suicide rate is so high – nobody thinks of them, so they just disappear.

Yes, I know I’m mostly just making a passionate, emotional post on a forum…. but really…. this isn’t just something that bothers me, this is something that bothers me that can be easily fixed. Thankfully, we have people like Andrew Marin who are helping out by speaking at youth leaders’ conventions. But thinking about this gets me so mad. I rarely get outraged about anything, but this really, really gets to me. If I have anything at all to say about this, this will get changed in my lifetime. At the moment, I don’t know what to do with all this… but someday – sooner rather than later – I hope to be of some influence somewhere and end this tragedy.

Anyway. Time to take a deep breath and step off the soap box for a moment. Anybody have anything to contribute to this topic? 🙂

This has been coming up a lot of me lately–the relationship between private troubles and public issues. I think it’s relevant here. Let’s not kid ourselves, we all know why the Church doesn’t like to talk about gay and lesbian people comitting suicide, esepically teens. The conservative chruch preaches that it is wrong, that you’ll go to hell if you don’t change, that gay people just don’t meet God’s standards. How then can they hope to offer support or offer solance to a young person who is conflicted enough or isolated enough to consider suicide? They can’t. Or rather, they have tried through the evolution of ex-gay therapies which have in and of themselves created suicidal ideations. The only soultion is to change the theology, or, if you prefer, liberate the theology. The trouble is, the conservative chruch believes that if you accept your sexuality (and therefore reject God and his plan) you’re better off dead anyway. Few people are as blunt as that but the threat of hell is still common.

This issue isn’t just about teen suicide, though that’s a tragic circumstance in and of itself, it speaks to the broader theological and social issues that serve to oppress and judge all GLBT people.

I like this video. The Trevor Project is something that really resonates with me… maybe a lurker in the US will benefit from watching this video? Hearing these stories really stirs me up and makes me want to go out and help people.

thanks for posting the gettingthere……this is something that is also very much on my heart and have wanted to see changes. I know of too many sad and tragic stories. …..I mention some in the final chapter of my book….and in my letter to the National Executive to the Assemblies of God. Another concern is that we will never actually be able to count the cost as young people in our churches have taken their live but no one really knows why as they thought they were the only ones struggling in this area and kept it a secret.

others may have shared with one other person/pastor or left a note saying why…….but there is so much shame attached to the suicide itself that those who know don’t make it public.

I’ve been circulating this below……its gone around to many community groups and I now know of at least 7 people who researching in this area. Many of those are attached to Freedom 2 b[e] at some level. This is exciting ….but will take time before we get the data.

I’m putting this up here as I believe it is relevant.

What are we doing for LGBT people of faith and religion?

Since 2004, when my autobiography ‘A Life of Unlearning’ was released, I have been privileged to be the first contact point for 1,000’s of LGBT people from faith and religious backgrounds; especially those experiencing faith/sexuality conflict. It’s a like my inbox has become a microscope into a hidden world as many isolated and alienated people have found someone they relate to; often for the first time. Common themes have emerged from the many emails I’ve received, listening to individual stories and from the stories posted on the Freedom 2 b[e] forum. Telling Our Stories

LGBT people of faith and religion are an emerging group whose specific needs have not always been identified or catered for. As this group begins to connect with the LGBT community and services, community workers and service providers need awareness training to work more effectively with the target group. Funding is required to set up programs that will meet their needs.

To date I’ve not been able to find quantitative data on this target group only anecdotal. Some research highlights individual aspects but doesn’t cover all these areas listed below adequately. Therefore I’m creating awareness in the academic world and the LGBT community of the need for research about this specific issue and demographic and also seeking any reliable data you may know of.

BACKGROUND OBSERVATIONS:

LGBT people from faith and religious backgrounds experience the usual issues of resolution, coming out, finding their place in the community and learning what it means to be gay or lesbian in a predominately straight world. They often however, experience these things with greater intensity and have additional issues to deal with.

• Even after coming out, internalised homophobia from years of negative conditioning and self-hatred can continue to have an impact.

• Most have invested years attempting to conform to heterosexuality through personal secret attempts, opposite sex relationships and formal (‘ex-gay’) programs which has left them damaged and traumatised.

• Having a belief system that says your eternal destiny hinges in your acceptance/rejection of your same- sex-orientation or gender identity, creates a cognitive dissonance that is difficult to resolve without information and connection with others who have walked the same journey.

• For most people from faith backgrounds, accepting that you are gay or lesbian means you have to leave the church and your entire social network is lost. It was a strong network, often like family and your life was filled with church activities and service. Finding a new life of meaning, your place in the LGBT community (with a very different set of values) and like minded-people is often difficult.

• Although beliefs systems are different, people from strong Christian, Islamic or Jewish backgrounds face similar issues.

PERSONAL CONCLUSIONS:

Considering all these factors, my belief is that, LGBT people from faith and religious backgrounds are possibly one of the highest risk groups of:

1. Potential and real suicidality. The larger proportion of the emails mentions either thoughts of, or attempts to suicide.

2. Mental health issues. The dissonance cause by the perceived conflict of faith and sexuality causes stress and depression.

3. Self destructive behaviours. When people are rejected from, or leave their religious backgrounds, they are left with strong feelings of failure and shame. Poor self-image leads to unhealthy behaviours. Some believe they will go to hell for accepting their homosexuality and this belief plays out in high risk activities – a slow form of suicide.

4. Obsessive behaviours and addictions. It’s not uncommon for someone who has suppressed or denied their sexual orientation to develop unhealthy behaviours which get out of control.

5. HIV & STI infection. Most people from church backgrounds don’t have access to safe-sex education and therefore, if sexually active, are at higher risk.

6. Discrimination. LGBT people of faith can often experience discrimination not only from their religious community but also at times from within their own LGBT community.

Advice, information, feedback is always welcome.

Anthony Venn-Brown

Coach, LGBT Consultant, Speaker and Author of ‘A Life of Unlearning – A Journey to Find the Truth’

Convenor of Freedom 2 b[e]

Honoured to be on the 2007 & 2009 lists of the 25 Most Influential Gay & Lesbian Australians

Mobile: +61 (0)416 015 231

[email protected]

I think this is such a huge/challenging/confronting issue for all concerned, especially the church and their leaderships. For a belief system that promotes “Fear not …” they sure do fear this area/issue of society. Unfortunately, there are still a number of christians and churches out there that believe people who commit suicide and or are homosexual will go to hell. Ignorance can be such a terribly fearful and powerful manipulator.

The fear factor for the church not wanting to confront these issues is primarily a challenge to theology/doctrine on both issues. A second factor is their ignorance.

For those that do not think suicide is a one way ticket to hell, they react just like the normal person – often just don’t know how to deal with the issue in someone’s life. But so often, depending on which branch of the christian world (denominations) they come from, the built-in prideometer (I have all the answers doctrine) clouds an otherwise kind heart and little if anything is done.

Too many churches will still not go to the ‘experts’ for advise on these issues because they are of the world, not of God.

Others do send them to the experts (largely not christians or notable christians) but in so doing, they abandon the person/family altogether and those hurting find themselves without any connection with a church family or similar.

This in my words accounts to a measure of the church believing in darwinism – only the strong shall survive. I witnessed this mentality all too often by pastors and leaders in churches, if people have problems they personally can not deal with or fail to find the patience and love and compassion to help them (lacking the fruit of the spirit), they discard them, with ease I might add.

That disgusts me.

I for one, am not saying I have the answers to these issues. But I sure am prepared to go the extra mile in helping and loving someone through this time in their lives. After all, isn’t that the love of Jesus christians are all suppose to have? Sometimes just being there for someone, loving them no matter what, is all they need. I am not frivalous on this. Yes if we can find people who are experts, we should point the person/s hurting to them, go along with them etc, whatever is needed, but that does not replace a kind word, a hug, a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. The professionals do an amazing job, but people need to be loved and accepted. Something, it would seem, the christian church is so too often not able/prepared to do.

I am not skiting by any means, but I am saying I think church leadership and the basic christian should wake up to themselves and first and foremost just simply LOVE with no agenda those who are hurting and confused. We can disagree on doctrine/theology later. But let’s just LOVE …… Too many lives are lost by hurt, confusion and loneliness. The church needs to wake up to itself in a big way.